Fireworks and PTSD.
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@Chloe_Scope, Hi, I'm really sorry I missed your post ?, things haven't been that great so didn't want to come on here and drag folks down. Still not great and i'm just dreading between now and new year. Guess I'll just have to suck it up.
How are things with you? -
Good morning @Onix, sorry to hear things have been difficult for you. The community is always here if you need to talk and it's okay if you don't want to be positive, life can be very difficult.
I really hope that the time between Christmas and New Year is okay.Scope -
Please never feel like you can't swing by @Onix. We wouldn't be much of a community if we only welcomed you when things are going great. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help.Community Manager
Scope -
@Adrian_Scope
@Chloe_Scope,
Hi, thanks both of you, I really appreciate it.
I get to the point where I feel guilty about feeling bad because sometimes it can last ages, but I feel I should be a lot more in control, if that makes sense? -
It definitely makes sense, unfortunately guilt has a funny way of contributing to those feelings and turning it into a vicious cycle. I know I often feel guilty for feeling bad, so feel worse and feel guilty for that too.Community Manager
Scope -
@Adrian_Scope, that's it exactly! Sometimes I can join in with posts, other times it just doesn't happen. That me feel guilty and mean as people have been kind enough to post on mine and give advice.
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Don't worry too much about replying to things @Onix. If you don't get around to it, or can't at that moment, it's fine.
How are you getting on this week?Community Manager
Scope -
Hi @Adrian_Scope
Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it ?.
I'm not doing great if i'm being honest ?. Had to have an ecg before doc introduced a new med to add on with my others.
D'you know, I have a really good mh team who want to help - psychiatrist, cpn, ot and another group who work alongside the cpn but I can't talk to them. I have written stuff down which I thought would flag questions but they just got filed. Apparently I have the best psychiatrist and she is really nice but sometimes I feel she doesn't believe me and doesn't get my way of thinking, so I get so worked up about going in, all my barriers go straight back up and I feel like a naughty schoolkid being told off. My cpn is just young but also has kids so if she's telling me stuff that's fine, but again, I'm on instant guard if she asks anything.
The others, I just feel like an inconvenience.
Not great when I'm actually battling with myself when I get so down that self-harm thoughts take over as do others, just to get peace and stop feeling so rubbish all the time, as it feels neverending ??.
Anyway, I digress - how are things with you? -
I know they're supposedly painless (except for peeling off all the leads afterwards ) but I've never thought ECGs look much fun. Did you get on alright?
It's good that you've been honest about how you're feeling. It's hard to be so open and I've never found it easy either. (Who does!?) I have a nasty habit of downplaying everything, or blurting something out, feeling exposed and then rapidly retreating. The fact you have a bit of a connection with your CPN is a good thing though and these things take time. That said, someone being the best is all well and good, but if you don't gel with them, you're within your rights to find someone else.
I'm alright, thank you. Absolutely shattered today, but shouldn't complain!Community Manager
Scope -
@Adrian_Scope
Lol, thanks for making me smile - the ecg was over really quick, it took longer to connect up and peel the pads off again. I had a really nice nurse who could see I was absolutely dreading it and she chatted the whole time which held my concentration. I think it would sting a bit if you were hairy where the pads were lol.
I'm a very private person but on here there is a little bit of anonymity, that gives me a bit of breathing space to post small bits.
So, I gather you've had a crazy day? What's made you shattered? Or is it just life?
Just want to say thank you as well for replying to my posts - I never really expect any responses but seeing an alternative view slows me from racing ahead with whatever's in my head at that time ☺. -
Hi @Onix, I'm glad the ECG went quick. Like you said, it takes longer for then to hook it all up!
It can be really difficult to open up about how we are feeling so you should be proud for doing so. I'm glad the community gives you that space and we are always here to listen.
I hope today goes well and you have a lovely weekend.Scope -
@Onix
Hope your weekend goes well and I'm so glad that you feel you can open up on here.
I'm the same as you and @Adrian_Scope.
Have difficulty opening up, then feel guilty when I do!
@Adrian_Scope Hope you're feeling less shattered today.
When I'm feeling really shattered I like to remember a little girl I once overheard chatting to her mum about feeling tired.
The little girl said "Life's a trial, isn't it mum"? -
@Chloe_Scope
Thank you. I hope you have a nice weekend also ☺.
@paffuto10
Thank you ☺, I hope your weekend goes well also.
Life's certainly a trial - sometimes you just have to wonder if - well, just if ......
Anyway, his lordship is calling so it must be pee time for him, his every wish is my command - when he behaves lol ??. -
I'm glad the anonymity gives you a bit of room to breathe and reveal whatever you're comfortable with @Onix. You're always welcome to share anything here.
As for why I was shattered: my youngest (16 months) has decided that sleep is no longer a biological necessity, but a social nicety and he's no longer willing to conform for longer than 10-20 minutes at a time. He's never a good sleeper (still up four or five times a night) but every so often he feels it's important to remind Mummy and Daddy just who's pulling the strings.
How are you getting on this week?
@paffuto10: she sounds like a very wise little girl!Community Manager
Scope -
@Adrian_Scope you'll miss those waking hours as he gets older ☺. I do hope you and your other half managed to get some sleep ????. Do you have other kids as well? I bet you're getting excited about Christmas - it's grand watching the nippers getting so hyped up ??
I've stayed away on purpose as I tend to retreat when I know I'm bad - I hate the thought of dragging others down who have enough on their plate - maybe one day (beyond the grave lol) I'll actually pluck up the courage to say before rather than after - don't hold your breath though ? -
You never need to worry about dragging others down @Onix. You're more than welcome to talk about the things that are bothering you here. This is supposed to be a safe space for people and that includes you. That said, I understand withdrawing when you feel under the cosh or particularly bad. Just know you're always welcome here whenever and however you feel.
Yes, I have two older daughters. There's a bit of an age gap, but they're both very excited. However, my bank balance is not so.Community Manager
Scope -
@Adrian_Scope - Thank you. I have to say, between yourself and @Chloe_Scope as community team, you have made it really easy for me to be in here. The handful of other users I chat with on here as well - you are all more like friends rather than just acquaintances - maybe it's just because I don't need to put a front on, so the me that is typing - as messed up and unsure that I am, is the honest me, good or bad. I guess i'm not as worried as I would be if it was real names, although anyone that knows me, knows my username.
Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say thank you to you all ☺.
Two older daughters ☺, i'm surprised you still manage to have a bank account lol.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas ???? -
You are most welcome @Onix! I'm so glad you have been able to find a space where you are comfortable and can share what you want. It's great you have been able to connect with others and it's amazing to have you on the community.
A very Merry Christmas to you too!Scope
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