Mental health issues
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Guidance with understanding very difficult situation

flower198522flower198522 Member Posts: 3 Listener
edited May 2020 in Mental health issues
Hello, I am a new member here. I have a mental disability and I need some guidance/help/understanding.

I was sexually abused and assaulted as a child and almost taken away from my family. I have not sought help for this; neither have I sought help for my current situation because I do not know what it translates to and I am beginning to feel like I am being made to be stupid by some I have already spoken to.

I am happy to post my situation separately as what I want to say has a lot to it, and I hope I can find more understanding folk on here. x

Replies

  • AilsAils Community champion Posts: 2,268 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @flower198522 and welcome to the Community.  It's nice to meet you.  Thank you for taking the very brave step in sharing your story with us and reaching out to us.  I'm very sorry to hear about what has happened to you and can't begin to imagine what you have been through.  Please know that we are here to support you on the forum and you will be listened to so please chat to us anytime.  I'm sorry to hear also that the person you have spoken to has made you feel stupid.  Please believe that you are not stupid and nobody here will make you feel that way.  You will find very understanding and supportive people on here who all want to help you.

    May I ask have you spoken to your GP about being referred to speak to a trained counsellor, as this may help to speak about what you have been through?  Also I have looked online and found some organisations who can help and support you if you would like to take a look -  

    https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/

    https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/

    I know that these might seem a lot of organisations, but you could maybe look through them when you feel ready to see which one you may like to contact as they will all have expertise in this area and will be able to best support you.

    If you would rather not post on here then you can speak to someone on the Scope Helpline by phone - 0808 800 3333 or email - [email protected]  I hope you find this information helpful.

    Please know that you are not alone and we are here for you should you need us.  Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on and if there is anything you need at all then you only just have to ask.  Wishing you all the best.  :-)


    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,897 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @flower198522 - Welcome to this friendly & supportive community. I'm so dreadfully sorry to read about what you've gone through, & how it makes you feel now. You will find a lot of understanding on this forum, as sadly other members have had an experience the same as yours. It's awful that you have been made to feel stupid, when of course you're not; rather the lack of the other's understanding. We will all support you, & you can say more here if you feel comfortable with that.
    I hope the links Ails has given may also prove helpful, or contacting Scope with their helpline. Please look into the links, etc. & chat here absolutely any time. Sending my best wishes too. :)
  • flower198522flower198522 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Ails said:
    Hi @flower198522 and welcome to the Community.  It's nice to meet you.  Thank you for taking the very brave step in sharing your story with us and reaching out to us.  I'm very sorry to hear about what has happened to you and can't begin to imagine what you have been through.  Please know that we are here to support you on the forum and you will be listened to so please chat to us anytime.  I'm sorry to hear also that the person you have spoken to has made you feel stupid.  Please believe that you are not stupid and nobody here will make you feel that way.  You will find very understanding and supportive people on here who all want to help you.

    May I ask have you spoken to your GP about being referred to speak to a trained counsellor, as this may help to speak about what you have been through?  Also I have looked online and found some organisations who can help and support you if you would like to take a look -  

    https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/

    https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/

    I know that these might seem a lot of organisations, but you could maybe look through them when you feel ready to see which one you may like to contact as they will all have expertise in this area and will be able to best support you.

    If you would rather not post on here then you can speak to someone on the Scope Helpline by phone - 0808 800 3333 or email - [email protected]  I hope you find this information helpful.

    Please know that you are not alone and we are here for you should you need us.  Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on and if there is anything you need at all then you only just have to ask.  Wishing you all the best.  :-)



    Hello and thank you so much for the warm welcome. It has already brought tears to my eyes.

    I have not yet spoken to my GP but I will be doing this tomorrow because I have been having intrusive thoughts about my situation.

    I am happy to talk about things here. :)

    So when I was 15 years old (I am now 35 years old) I was holidaying with my mum. A male bartender working at the hotel we were staying at kept touching me one night and asked me to go to his room with him. I was also given lots of alcohol but I didn't know what I was being given - only that the bartender said I would like it. So I ended up very tipsy but never went to bed with him.

    The next day he got angry with me for turning down his offer and I got upset that he was mad with me. Long story short, I returned home with my mum without saying anything to anyone about what had happened.

    For the past 3 years I have been getting advances (at least that's what I think they are) from a senior manager at my work. He has always been very polite and nice to me and because of what happened when I was 15 I am guessing I was desensitised from what he was doing with me when we had a private chat one day - he pressed the side of his body into mine and despite there being plenty of room for him to move, he didn't move away. I didn't move because I guess I felt I was being suckered in.

    He has touched me, spoken about me to my friends, stared at me and he has also asked for my number online. He even asked my former manager (who I am on very good terms with) for my full name - and my former manager gave him these details - possibly because this guy is also his manager and it was not his place to question why he would want that sort of information. This guy also knows I am married and I don't find myself that attractive because at school I was always seen as the girl no one else wanted to date. I didn't wear makeup or jewellery like the other girls so I guess to them I stood out like a sore thumb.

    Basically, when I spoke to these other people about what has been going on between me and this guy I was told something like "are you that stupid enough to not realise this is sexual harassment?" but I don't really know what any of what has been going on over the past 3 years is. I know I am old enough to know but for some reason I have trouble understanding it and I am sure it is because of what happened back when I was a child...?

    I don't like or dislike the attention because I don't know what is going on and I know it probably sounds weird. I am guessing I have problems with my mindset at present and that talking to a professional might help me to work out my brain's way of thinking.

    Thank you again.
  • flower198522flower198522 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    chiarieds said:
    Hi @flower198522 - Welcome to this friendly & supportive community. I'm so dreadfully sorry to read about what you've gone through, & how it makes you feel now. You will find a lot of understanding on this forum, as sadly other members have had an experience the same as yours. It's awful that you have been made to feel stupid, when of course you're not; rather the lack of the other's understanding. We will all support you, & you can say more here if you feel comfortable with that.
    I hope the links Ails has given may also prove helpful, or contacting Scope with their helpline. Please look into the links, etc. & chat here absolutely any time. Sending my best wishes too. :)


    Thank you so much. I will be speaking to my GP tomorrow about receiving treatment and maybe a diagnosis. Some nicer people somewhere else have said what I am suffering from sounds like post traumatic stress disorder.

    I was intimately touched on holiday when I was 15 years old and have not spoken to anyone about it. I guess because of the fear of being seen as "unstable". For the past 3 years I have been as one work colleague had put it, "preyed upon" by a senior member of staff - who happens to be someone I like (as a friend) because he has always been very helpful, accommodating and polite to me when I worked with him.

    It is something I might not ever speak to my family about because my stepdad (mum married him 12 years ago) has been telling people I have had mini nervous breakdowns in the past (which weren't nervous breakdowns at all but symptoms caused by some physical problems I had at the time).

    My husband of 2 years is fully aware of what has been going on between me and this other guy - if there is anything there - but I just don't know how far I should be taking this.

    Thank you
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing Team, Community Team Posts: 7,951 Scope community team
    Hi @flower198522 and welcome to the community.
    Thank you for sharing this here. Firstly, while I know you mentioned you haven't spoken about the incident when you were 15 with anyone, could you clarify if the earlier incident (when you were almost taken away from your family) reported to the police?
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    If you have a few minutes to spare, we'd appreciate your feedback on our online community.
  • April2018momApril2018mom Member - under moderation Posts: 2,882 Member - under moderation
    Welcome @flower198522!

    I am sorry to hear that. Are you seeing a counsellor or not? 
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