Autism and Aspergers
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Is It Worth It?

Dylan246Dylan246 Member Posts: 52 Connected
edited July 2020 in Autism and Aspergers
Hi. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with someone that will not accept that they were in the wrong by letting me get in trouble for their mistake? I go told off for supposedly leaving a window open after a shower, I was sure I had but doubted myself briefly because I sometimes do things on autopilot and did not want to blame anyone. I found out it was someone else, which annoyed me because I felt like I had been told off for something I did not do. So I was trying to tell the person who had done the wrong thing that I was annoyed because it felt like I had been told off for something I did not do, and they had a go at me for trying to give them stress over it. They had no empathy for my upset and thought I was being antagonizing, when I just wanted to have an adult conversation which is what everyone wants me to do so I do act like a child in the hope that they would listen. And what doesn't help is that I couldn't tell the other person it was not me because there have been incidents before when I cannot remember or haven't done the wrong thing and no one believes me. I feel like I am blamed for something I did not do, I want to get myself in the clear but know that they will think I am an idiot or only caring about mjy feelings when I feel like they don't care about mine in that moment.  So, any advice on how to deal with people who want me to shut up and are unwilling to listen to me over incidents like this? 

Replies

  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 4,126 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2020
    Well how i deal with being told off for something I didn’t do is to state clearly that I didn’t do it and if that fails I let it go. The words they are using turn into just sounds from a distant planet and I zone out to a happy place, after all they have the problem not me. It’s not easy to do but having tried it a few times it got easier especially if you remember that you are the gatekeeper of your mind, your peace and your equilibrium.
    best wishes.
  • Dylan246Dylan246 Member Posts: 52 Connected
    Thank you @leeCal. I will ailm to do this when doing the tapping exercise.
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,037 Disability Gamechanger
    My wife tells me off most days for something, I just have an attack of selective hearing when it happens.
    I will now only offer benefits advice on PIP, and specific benefits advice for other people with Epilepsy. 
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,966 Disability Gamechanger
    If you didn't do something then tell them you didn't do it. I wouldn't be blamed for something i didn't do, end of story.
    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,966 Disability Gamechanger
    woodbine said:
    My wife tells me off most days for something, I just have an attack of selective hearing when it happens.

    Haha, that made me laugh. I can imagine you sat there with your head in a newspaper "looking up with a grin" on your face hehe ;P
    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
  • Dylan246Dylan246 Member Posts: 52 Connected
    That made me laugh too @poppy123456 and @woodbine, although that would really backfire in my house ;P. 
    I know it's obvious to just tell people I did not do it, but what if they do not listen?
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,966 Disability Gamechanger
    Then there's nothing more you can do and you should let it go. I wouldn't dwell on it.
    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,966 Disability Gamechanger
    I wouldn't dwell on it. Just let it go, if they don't listen. If you have no proof, it's your word against their's.
    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,288 Pioneering
    I think it's just a shame that we now have a society where blame always has to be attached and often it goes onto the weakest person. It's just bullying for the sake of it and no good ever comes of it because it just leaves an antagonistic atmosphere behind. It can also lead to other problems because sooner or later the people being bullied have eventually had enough and retaliate.

    I don't know if it;s significant but it seems much worse since I have spent more time around other disabled people, maybe we often get blamed for stuff simply because others think we are weak. A bit like when people assume I am stupid because I am using a wheelchair.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Dylan246Dylan246 Member Posts: 52 Connected
    I agree @poppy123456. It's frustrating but I just have to think like you. 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 4,126 Disability Gamechanger
    As I said before I’d state clearly that I didn’t do something and then refuse to engage in the conversation after that. Simple. They own the problem not you.
  • Dylan246Dylan246 Member Posts: 52 Connected
    Thanks @leeCal. Would you give the same advice when dealing with someone who asks 'stupid' questions (questions where they had not listened to other parts of an earlier conversation so they could have known the answer already/where they cannot see the complete obvious)?
  • Dylan246Dylan246 Member Posts: 52 Connected
    I agree with you @Topkitten. I hate this 'blame' culture in society because it leaves people feeling horrendous for days on end for end, like me, and when I have expressed my frustrations about it, I am accused of being antagonizing.
    I also get seen as stupid too because I am on the autism spectrum. I think your discussion about being around disabled people is probably because younotice the 'blame culture' a lot more as you can relate to others. 
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