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Do girls date men with a stutter?

OnyeOnye Member Posts: 7 Connected
edited September 2020 in Coffee lounge
Feel everything else is getting into place, apart from my love life. My stutter ain’t that bad, but just holds me back from socialising sometimes. Need some advise 🥺
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Community Team Posts: 3,210 Disability Gamechanger
    edited September 2020
    Hi @Onye! Thanks for posting.

    You might like to have a look through the Dating and Relationships category here on the online community. For example, you might find this recent discussion asking our members whether they'd date someone with a disability interesting. 

    I definitely think that there are girls out there who would see past your stutter, or even embrace it, and like you for you :) I'm sure it must feel difficult to put yourself out there and socialise sometimes. Are you part of any clubs or groups for things that you're interested in? That can be a good way to meet people and be able to chat with people in a more relaxed setting, which might raise your confidence a bit. 
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  • male45male45 Member Posts: 313 Pioneering
    @Onye
    Hi there 
    I've a mate who has stuttered ever since a child. We grew up together and he  was always shy.
    He would be bullied in school but myself and others form a group for him and soon the bullies found out not to touch.
    As we grew up we both started work as postmen and loved it and we then started dating and I have to admit sadly he got more dates than I did..
    He eventually dated one girl only and 2 yrs later married and has 4 grown up kids and three grandchildren and happy as Larry   (I've never found out who this Larry is)
    To cut to the chase...get out and about and go clubbing, join a group a class something where there are people...get confidence in yourself and I'm sure a girl will take an interest in you...maybe more than one...if you feel you can't go alone then maybe go with a mate or two or five... if you don't go out you won't be seen
    How does this all sound?
    Best wishes 
    Best Wishes 
  • OnyeOnye Member Posts: 7 Connected
    @male45 thanks, but nah at 6ft 3 and 16 stone, no chance I’m getting bullied but yeah i need to get out there. Was in a 12 year relationship but the stutter gets in the way at times and slowly messed things up. I just want someone who can be more understanding cos there’s a lot more I could bring to the table. It ain’t even that bad, it’s just knocked my confidence bad
  • OnyeOnye Member Posts: 7 Connected
    @Tori_Scope thanks for the nice message, much appreciated but no I’m not in any groups or clubs. I’m new  to all this as I was in a 12 year relationship which sadly ended 2 years ago. We still civil to each other but that’s it. 
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Community Team Posts: 3,210 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm sorry to hear about the breakdown of your relationship @Onye, that must have been hard. 

    I'd definitely recommend joining some groups or clubs. I know it's a weird time to be meeting new people, but there are some remote things still going on. Do you have any specific interests? 
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  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 7,391 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Onye Welcome to the community glad you have joined us.

    I am sure there are many girls out there that would look past your stutter it doesnt stop you being a kind loving partner that can have a full relationship

    As above get yourself out there and make yourself open to meeting people.

    It is hard when a relationship ends and takes time to be ready to date again. I separated 3 years ago from my husband but I am now in a new relationship and I am wheelchair bound and vision impaired but found a great partner who accepts me for what I am

    I hope you find what you are looking for 
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 655 Pioneering
    O.P.  Are you convinced it was the stutter? A 12 year relationship could  gradually fail for a number of reasons, or even no reason at all, just running it's  course.   The fact the two of you kept going for all that time and remained civil speaks well for both of you, and seems more than enough proof that a stutter isn't all that important.  As you mention,  yours isn't  even particularly extreme.    
  • OnyeOnye Member Posts: 7 Connected
    @newborn @janer1967 thanks for the lovely messages, much love and appreciation. 
  • chiariedschiarieds Community champion Posts: 6,896 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Onye - many years ago I dated a young man with a bad stutter; it didn't bother me one bit. He was a lovely person, & we had lots in common. I realised to give him time to say things, & found once he relaxed, his stutter virtually disappeared.
    This story doesn't have a romantic ending, but a positive one. Like @male45 he had been a postman, & like yourself he's 6'3". Many years later, I swear his former postman's instincts kicked in, & a few months after I'd separated from my now ex-husband he wrote to me. I deliberated whether to reply or not, & consulted my children.....he is now my best friend.
  • vikingqueenvikingqueen Member Posts: 255 Pioneering
        One of my oldest friends has a bad stutter, and when we were young it got so bad i use to finish his sentences for him, much to the dismay of others who thought i was taking the micky  out of him, but we knew each other that well we would both end up in fits of laughter.  Me for him trying with all his might to get the word out and him for knowing i knew his every word. 
      50 years later we still do the same and still end up hysterical with the giggles. I would have dated him but i just didn't fancy him  :wink: he ended up marrying my best friend though, it's their 40th anniversary in a couple of months :smiley:
       
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,779 Disability Gamechanger
    @Onye To reiterate what everyone else has said, having a stutter makes you no less date-able.  I can understand your confidence being knocked but keep on being your authentic self and the right person will come along.  

    Have you tried online dating?  I know it's not for everyone but it might be a good place to start going on a few (socially-distanced) dates  :)
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  • OnyeOnye Member Posts: 7 Connected
    @Cher_Scope recommend any good dating sites? 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,455 Disability Gamechanger
    edited September 2020
    Hi @Onye, how are you today? 

    I have no experience of online dating personally, so I'm not sure what to recommend, hopefully others will be able to advise on this. 

    Outsiders has been mentioned on here before as an option, so that may be somewhere to look into. Otherwise I'm not sure, there's obviously all the big names like Tinder and so on, but I wouldn't want to suggest any of them because I'm not sure if they'll be any good for you.

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