Tenancy agreement

poppy123456 said:

@OverlyAnxious i'm sorry to hear of that. I think it's a catch 22 situation that you're in here because you;re unable to have people in to do the work that needs to be done. May i ask what would happen if you found a suitable property and in the future that may also need some repairs doing to it, as this obviously can happen with all properties. Especially things like gas saftely checks that need to be done each year.

I'm in the process of having my back garden done by my landlord after she finally took notice of my constant reports of the bad state of repair the decking was in. I've also had to report quite a few things since moving in last October and the workmen have needed to come into my house to do the work needed. I'm just curious how landlords manage with people like yourself.

Hi Poppy,

I'm ideally looking for a new build or recently refurbished place this time.  Hopefully they shouldn't need any work doing for a while.  I can do small repairs myself such as replacing leaky tap heads or broken light switches.  I'm also aiming to overlap the new place with my current place for a week so that I can check everything major works correctly and have anything repaired before actually moving in.  I moved here in a rush and was told several things would be repaired that were not done.  

It's all electric here so no regular checks have been needed but I've recently been made aware of yearly gas safety checks.  I was hoping to have gas heating in the next place but I must admit that has put me off a bit!  I wouldn't really have any choice in that but would just have to prepare as best I could, hope they arrived on time and weren't there for long.  It would have consequences but as I say, not much choice if it's a legal requirement.

I don't deal with a Landlord personally, everything I do is through the agent.  Sadly the agents are pretty poor here, I don't think it's intentional, they're just not very good at their jobs.  The first week I moved in, I was horrified to receive a letter saying that all of our hot water cylinders in every flat would be replaced at some point starting that weekend - they couldn't give a time and would come in using their key if no-one was home!  I can't have people in, I can't have water turned off and I can't cope with mess!  Anyway, it turned out they were just being 'serviced' but the agent had copied and pasted an old letter without even bothering to read it - they have no idea the amount of stress they cause residents by doing things like that. They also weren't serviced properly as a general plumber was sent round that didn't understand the particular system in the newer flats here.  Mine was still faulty and leaked after he'd gone.  I've just had to keep a pot under it and regularly empty it for the last 5 years.  Because the system is over-pressuring, it's also damaged the shower and the hot water taps but I can't go through the hassle of having those replaced so just put up with it and use them as best I can.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a pain, and I'm sure they prefer my neighbours who are out all day and just let maintenance go in and replace things while they're at work.  But I don't ask for much, have never missed a rent payment and have paid every rental increase without a fuss.  All I want is to be left alone and feel comfortable and safe in my own place, which really shouldn't be too much to ask for.  

poppy123456 said:

@OverlyAnxious

I certainly don't think you're a "pain" lol because it's a condition that you have, which can't be helped. Although i can see why there could potentially be problems, especially if landlords know about your conditions. I do know that you must allow access to your property for maintence issues. Maybe you can agree for them to enter, if you're not home and this way anything that needs doing is done, pretty much the same thing you would do with the gas safety checks yearly. 

My contamination OCD is so severe that I need to know exactly what has been touched by myself or anyone else entering the property in order to eat or drink anything here at all.  I can't allow anyone in while I'm out.  I did have to have a new cooker fitted a while ago (which turned into a huge farce, it was beyond repair and simply needed to be swapped for a new one, 15 minutes work, but they wouldn't take my word for that, took weeks to sort it and kept phoning and sending various people round including a repairer that made it totally unuseable...and when I did get it, the new cooker is identical to the old one, poorly made cheap rubbish, and that hasn't worked properly from day one which again doesn't help with the OCD around food!).  Anyway, when I finally did get the cooker fitter in, I knew there were some things I'd have to clean after he left, work tops, sink, drainer, door handles etc.  But I had to nip to the loo during his visit despite trying to hold it for as long as I could.  After he left, I did all the cleaning necessary...then went to start on dinner, opened the cutlery drawer and found it in a right mess.  I can only assume he grabbed a knife (with the precision of the hulk) to cut some tape or packaging and then chucked it back in.  So then I had to clean out the entire cutlery drawer and wash every item in there before I could make a start on dinner...and was then worried that he could have opened any of the other drawers or doors while I was out of the room but simply didn't have the energy to go through the rest of the kitchen.  I know it's probably not an issue for a normal person, but every time something like that happens, it knocks my trust in people a little further.  I can't possibly explain all of my issues to everyone I come across so they will do things that cause me issues without realising.

I also need to know that my home (and especially the bathroom) is always empty and accessible when I do go out.  It's the only way I can go out, knowing I can return at any time both for the loo and to a calm, quiet, safe space without any other people in it.



I know what you mean, but I do consider myself a pain.  I feel like I make things difficult for everyone that I have to deal with (offline at least) and although I can't help it, it's not their fault either and I don't like the idea that they have to go through extra hassle for me.  For example, not being able to use phones is a big one...I know most people are on phones all day and it's extra hassle if I ask them to use email.  Any relatives that want to see me have to travel over to me instead of vice versa, of course they say they don't mind but whether that is true or not, I certainly mind!  A couple of years ago, my 85 year old Aunt came to see me on a 2 hour coach trip to a nearby town, but I could only stay for a short time and as I can't eat or drink while out she had to eat alone while I waited outside.  I have the same issue with friends.  I did used to have a few local friends, all met through internet forums, but because I can't do anything sociable like meals or bowling or crazy golf, I just end being a burden and putting a cloud over what should be a nice day out for those people.  Since my physical issues got worse over the last couple of years I haven't been able to meet up with them at all and don't hear from them any more...not really burning bridges, just letting them fall into disrepair lol.  Anyway, went slightly off-topic there, but my own issues will make the whole move difficult for me and everyone else involved, I'm not even sure how I'm going to get through viewing another property at the moment, let alone the actual move (I originally moved in just by myself in the car but can no longer lift and bend like I could then) so that means I'm going to have to get someone to help which will cause issues both socially and with the OCD.

I'm kicking myself now as I did find a freshly refurbed property a few months back that did fit my needs but was just in the wrong area and at the time seemed more expensive than I wanted to pay.  I don't even know if they'd have allowed DSS but I really wish I had at least enquired about it.  I have also just this week found a nearly new build (3 years old now) that almost fits criteria but is again too far away.  I did enquire about this one, but was just told there was a lot of interest, which may be true or maybe a polite way of saying they don't want DSS.  But either way, they come up so rarely I really need to jump on the next one I find!

Tori_Scope said:

Sorry if I've asked you this before @OverlyAnxious, but are you currently accessing any mental health support? If you think that you're going to find moving very difficult, it might be a good idea to try and get something in place so that it might be a little easier? For example, perhaps you could try some exposure therapy in the lead-up to the move? 

And I agree with Poppy that you're not a pain. I'm sure that your friends and family are just happy to speak to you, and that they don't mind if you have to leave early or don't feel able to take part in a certain activity.

Good luck with the property search, I'm sure another suitable place will come up at some point!

Hi Tori, I think you may have asked before but not a problem...though I may be hijacking Teddys thread now lol!  I'm not getting any support at all because my issues are too 'complex'.  There are plenty of people about with worse issues, but it's the combination of mine that make any sort of help impossible. 

I can't travel far (even in my own car) due to physical symptoms which may or may not be caused by mental issues, can't stay out for long, can't eat/drink/use the toilet out, can't enter buildings/small rooms/go upstairs or 'deep' into a building, can't visit any medical setting, can't use lifts, can't predict stomach and bowel issues (to leave home on time), can't deal with people face to face (regardless of how long I've known them), can't deal with traffic or crowds (including lots of people walking to school/work so can only drive at certain times of day), can't have anyone in my home, can't take any medication, can't use phones, can't really speak in any setting due to reflux/throat issues, can't have any physical medical tests done let alone any physical treatment, can't bend/lift/lean much now, can't use any physical exertion (even walking uphill), can't use any repetitive motion with hands (have to restrict gaming/typing/driving etc), can't use 'strong' hand movements (stiff door handles/taps) without my hands 'burning', can't even write about most of my physical issues without triggering myself...so I'm just stuck in what seems like an impossible situation.  I'm not someone that benefits from a positive outlook either, I just get more frustrated by not being able to do something that I've told myself I can do.  I do sit at home in the evenings genuinely believing I can do something, but then very quickly realise I can't once I actually try it the next day.  Of course 'can't' isn't quite an absolute - I do push myself through very occasional single-person family visits or weekly supermarket visits with a lot of planning, preparation, and knowing there will be days of consequences afterwards...but it's never a positive experience so just reinforces the fears and makes things even more difficult each time I attempt them.

I was recently in email contact with someone from PALS as my own GP was no help at all, but the contact there has dried up, presumably as they can't think of any way forward.  I have also been in email contact with the organiser of a major MH charity but again they have been unable to find anything suitable for me at the moment.

Ultimately, the only way anything can change is by me doing things...but with all of the restrictions I have, doing anything at all is nearly impossible now and never ends well.  Most people with 'health anxiety' are scared of dying, but for me it's the opposite, I'm terrified of having to continue being alive for another day, week, month...etc...and have been like this from at least the end of primary school.  The only way I get through is by saying 'just one more...'  (meal, bedtime, bathrooom visit, outing, etc). 

I do keep telling myself, and indeed relatives and people on here, that once I've moved to a more suitable place and bought a more suitable car that I'll be able to do more things again.  And that includes treatment, both physical and mental.  But realistically I don't believe it...I think I'll just be in a different location with all of the same problems struggling with event the most basic facts of life such as getting food in and dealing with waste coming out...  It's also worth saying that the only reason I'm now able to move and change car is because of winning PIP earlier this year - so I'm not longer financially struggling as I was over the last couple of years - but only have around 18 months of the award left.  If I lose the review, my income would halve and I'd have to move again (back to a less suitable place!).  I know it seems like a while away but obviously the longer I leave it, the less time I potentially have in a more suitable place!


Conversations with relatives don't generally go well.  It just ends with them more worried about me than they were previously.  There are just 4 I'm in 'regular' contact with (more than once a year) but due to lockdown and my own worsening issues I'm having to allow the two older relatives to phone me once every month or so as I can no longer visit and they don't have internet...I hate it, they can't hear me, they can't understand me, one doesn't understand my issues at all, the other keeps asking the same questions such as why I haven't been forced into a residential treatment centre until I'm 'cured' (presumably with electric shock treatment or some other Victorian device), they always end the call sounding more depressed than when they started as I just haven't got anything positive to say.  I don't want to talk about negative things but they keep pushing until I give an answer - don't ask questions you don't want answers to!  It's not working for anyone, but for some reason they persevere with it and can't even stick to a designated time like I've asked which has added a whole extra anxiety layer to things at home as the phone can ring at any time now.  I never used to allow anyone to use it specifically for that reason!  The 'younger' relatives (50s/60s lol) message or email me which is much easier but the older ones don't have internet.

As I mentioned in the above post, I don't have any local friends left now.  Last person I saw my age was over a year ago at a local outdoor event.  Prior to that, I think it was another year before as well.  In my position, I don't have anything to talk about, and the last thing I want to talk about in real life is my own ailments lol, so I don't even message them privately any more.  I often see people mention that someone isn't just their conditions...but I'm the exception to that.  I don't have a life outside of my issues, I did start to have one about 5 years ago when my physical issues were more manageable which gave me the chance to battle the mental ones, but around 2 years ago the physical issues got much worse, which in turn worsened the mental issues and I can't really fight anything any more.  It's just damage limitation and trying to keep doing the things that I'm doing now instead of letting any more slip.  I mostly just try to waste days with TV and forums and Instagram but spend a lot of time bored stiff in between anxiety issues and IBS/nausea issues and just wondering what is the point?  I don't have any interest in relationships or kids, I'm fairly sure I won't ever be able to work to fill my days?  I definitely won't be able to go travelling or anything like that.  So what else is there?  Just fear, anxiety, guilt and pain, separated by sheer boredom for the next 50 years...wonderful. 

(Sorry, I do try not to be negative on here lol!)