Acceptance

Hi ...
When I say acceptance I don't just mean by other people or groups I mean by yourself.  Acceptance by other people or groups  is not something you can arrange or create but what about yourself is it easy for you to accept yourself and can you do somedirect about it?  I don't think itis easy but it is possible, , or is that just me?  I use to be active.  I use to be a policeman, I played Rugby  Badminton, Golf and would go running.  I enjoyed walking and camping and generally being outside.  That changed on a particular date and time when I had an accident on my way to an urgent assistance call whilst on duty.  As a result I am now disabled.  The accident was 25 years ago and though it wasn't my fault I still sometimes find myself blaming myself for the way I am now.  I find things a struggle and that things are getting worse.  I work full time and work with some good understanding people and have friends.  Having friends or relatives or if you are very lucky, both, is both helpful and important.   It is someone who is there for you and is willing to listen.  I find that someone listening is sometimes more important than someone who will just do stuff for you.  Despite having these friends and relatives I find it hard to ask for help or even just ask for a chat.  I feel that if I don't ask for help and don't admit that I need help then it doesn't exist.  As I said, I work full time but even though it is a job I enjoy and with people I like I am finding it harder and harder to 'just get on with it'.  Sometimes the pain just gets too much, sometimes my mobility just won't enable me to do it.  Every time management at work have realised I have s problem they have been more than helpful and I don' t want to appear to be whinging so just try to muddle through.  I sometimes wonder if I just admitted to myself that I am struggling then I would save myself a whole heap of pain.  Generally on the outside I am confident and ok with life but the pain can be difficult to just accept.  I have prescribed medication and a spinal cord stimulator in my back and it all helps but there are times when I just want to curl up and not cone out.  When I say curl up, I mean thst figuratively as my back would not allow me to do that.  Lockdown has not had much of an adverse affect because I am not on my own and can always  Phone, Zoom or WhatsApp anyone.  It is just thst I need to accept myself.  I stand in front of a mirror everyday and ask myself what am I going to do?  The answer is nothing. 

One of the big things that has come out of all of this, is the fact that it is obvious that it is easier to give advice than to take it. 

So, working on that basis, please, anyone that may read these ramblings if you have someone to speak to, speak to them.  If they are a friend they won't mind.  There are also plenty of people (GP, SCOPE or other organisations) that you can speak to that may not know you but will be willing to listen.

That's it I guess you must be bored with me now 

Take care and stay safe