13 Yr old ASD son

JLD57 · January 2021

Hi everyone, I am new on here. My son is 13yrs old and has diagnosed ASD. He is verbal and in mainstream school.

He isolates himself in his room, has no friends (actally has no friends) but he is so lonley.

I work in education (student support) so have used a lot of strategies to try to help him but nothing works.

How can I help him? He is getting older and he struggles so much with school work (especially in lockdown) and is so lonley and disengaged.

I have tried lots of groups but nothing ASD friendly as no one from those support groups reply to emails sent.

I am at a loss how to help him.

poppy123456 · January 2021

HI and welcome,

This is very commone with people who have ASD because they like to be alone. Spending time with other people makes them feel unsecure. I know it's not nice to see your child alone, i've been through all that with my daughter and she's almost 20 now. I tried to get her to go out, to attend various groups with others that have a disability but i always fought a losing battle.

One thing that sticks out in my head is when she was diagnosed with ASD (at 17) one thing i asked the Consultant was how can i encourage her to go out, rather then her be in her bedroom all of the time. I was asked, why i wanted her to do this because it's forcing her to do something she's not comfortable with. People with ASD don't know how to socialise most of the time, which is why they prefer being alone.

Has your Son told you he's not happy or is that just your thoughts?

At the moment with the lockdown there's not much you can do because the advice from the Government is to stay at home and there really isn't any groups for him to attend.

JLD57 · January 2021

Thanks for you reply. I agree re: groups at the moment as there is less support due to current restrictions.

I know that he isn't happy especially in school as he cries in school and tells staff that he is lonley. They have changed his form class to try to help but the situation is worse now due to lockdown and many additional self isolation periods before lockdown happened.

Ross_Alumni · January 2021

Hi @JLD57 and welcome to the community, how are you?

I'm sorry to hear that you have these concerns about your son, it can't be easy.

If meeting more people is what he wants to do, then have you tried getting in touch with charities like the National Autistic Society? They might be able to point you in the direction of any social groups or similar for those of his age.

Also, is he getting the right support in school to succeed at his education?

fleurmc · February 2021

Hi, I feel your pain. I also have a similar 13 year old boy who is ASD diagnosed and very intelligent. He attends school as a key worker child because I am a teacher. But your son, as a vulnerable child could be offered a place if he’s not coping at home. My son needs school as a way of keeping a routine and forcing him out each day. My son still gets lonely at school and wishes for more friends but he couldn’t see them at the moment anyway because of the pandemic. Luckily, he has his sister and talks to friends on games and WhatsApp etc. I’ve found that my son does spend lots of time in his room rather than with the family, which gets me down. I have to accept it and realise it is what he needs. Very often when he has sat still for too long, he comes downstairs and gets violent and over excited. We have to just wait for him to break something or hurt someone. He is 6’ and very strong and well built! He doesn’t have any malice in him, he just needs to let off steam. He’s always sorry afterwards and this leads to a cycle of self-loathing and hiding in his room again. He has a form of PDA, so getting him to go out in his bike or for a walk can be very tricky. I have to send him on a little bus ride to get him out as he loves buses! Anyway I just thought I would let you know how things are from another 13year old’s perspective. I feel your pain and I hope things improve when he gets back to support groups and school.

13 Yr old ASD son

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