Help with my 15 year old son

albert2014 · January 2021

Hi, I am a father of 6, one of my boys who's a teen (15), has ASD + ADHD. He has social interaction and emotional difficulties and currently attends a special school. He has never had a good relationship with his siblings, he is very jealous if I show them attention or care. ( doing normal dad things ). He has a volatile temper and little patience. Since lockdown last March he has totally changed demeanour. Instead of engaging with me in the living room he has become a recluse in his room. He has a severe paranoia and anxiety streak that has overcome him. He has become very threatening and foul mouthed towards everyone else and has this chip on his shoulder about my oldest son who's 18.
He has 3 locks on the inside of his door, and 2 large padlocks on the outside, together with a handmade wooden gate in front of that. He has a web camera set up pointing at the door that sends information to his phone. He is super paranoid that somebody will break into his room. He is not happy here, I often have a mental battle with him many times during the day. He just doesn't like being in this family he says and it would make him happy to leave. He says that I am not his dad with a look of disgust. He has become more and more threatening every day. I have become worried for his safety and my other kids, if I am not able to diffuse his meltdown something serious could happen and if that occurs I am scared. He has been warned and I have told him my next step is a call to my local PSCO who has been out to him before. He says he just wants me to sort out him leaving, he is only on melatonin, the ADHD meds didnt work for him. We have had 2 early help worker in the past, these are only helpful in a short term, he just hates his siblings and wont even say their names. He sees a psychologist at school and gets on well with him, but I feel the once weekly sessions are not enough. School are very good whilst he is there but are unable to help matters at home and point me to self-refer social services. But I am certain they will only advise on EHW again!! Need a different approach here.
He has no concept of time and cannot be left on his own without some adult being present close by. He totally relies on me to help him with his matters, but is adamant he wants to leave.
Any support or help much appreciated.
Thanks Marty

woodbine · January 2021

hi @albert2014 how are you today? I'm afraid I don't have much help to offer but i'm sure others will, what I would say is that I would be very concerned about the padlocks etc on his bedroom door, especially if there was to be a fire (i'm sure there won't be).

Ross_Alumni · January 2021

Hi @albert2014, welcome back to the community, I see you haven't been around in a little while.

I'm very sorry to read about the difficulties you're currently experiencing, it must be very hard. It sounds to me like you're doing your very best in tough circumstances.

Does the son in question have a GP who you can speak to about his behaviour in the hope of discovering further solutions? A needs assessment from your local authority sounds like a good idea, perhaps it's something to consider for you, along with the further sessions with the mental health support worker at school

I wonder if he would benefit from socialising and gaining a circle of friends, perhaps he feels somewhat lonely. Is he interactive with others at school and just turns nasty back home?

I'm also curious if you've ever had a conversation with him about why he actually behaves this way, and if there's something you could do better to support him, you never know the results you might get when you engage someone in a calm, open, honest conversation.

I wish you all the best. I'm not a parent, so I hope others with that famous parent instinct will be able to offer you some good advice.

Scope's Parents Connect sessions might be beneficial for you, they're a chance to meet other parents of disabled children and receive support for your situation.

poppy123456 · January 2021

HI,

I would 2nd the advice about referring him for a needs assessment. This can be done online by clicking this link here.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/help-from-social-services-and-charities/getting-a-needs-assessment/ It will ask you for some information about your son. Once they receive that they should be in contact with you to speak to you for further information.

All councils have their own rules during the national lockdown and i do know that some of them are not currently doing any home assessments due to current conditions. If this is the case there will be other ways in which an assessment can be completed. They can also put you in touch with other means of help too.

Also speak to his GP who will hopefully be able to advise you too. When speaking to them i would also mention the padlocks on his bedroom door because this isn't safe for him to do that.

I know it's very difficult times indeed. My daughter has autism and a learning disability so i can related to how much Covid has affected her.

I hope you can get some help soon. Good luck.

albert2014 · January 2021

Hello again and many thanks for the replies.
He has an EHC plan, he has had 2 EHW and is looked after by a nice GP and Consultant at hospital who knows our family and him well. His school are great with him, he is under the pastoral team, he has once weekly psychologist sessions. We have had an assessment before and they were unable to offer much, we had some respite for 3 half days over 5 months with a charity called safer families, sadly the couple who took him were an older couple and couldn't handle him so had to call off the once a month half day respite last year.
Safer families have themselves been nice and if they could do more with volunteers they would but due to covid it kind of ended any chance there.

I have contacted his head teacher raising my concerns also pastoral support and I will also contact his GP and ADHD clinic doctor.
I will keep you posted on events. Sorry I have not been on recently, to be honest i'd forgot about this forum, shame on me I know. Glad to be back.
Marty

Ross_Alumni · January 2021

Hi @albert2014

Hope you're well today. Thanks for explaining things further.

When you say "We have had an assessment before and they were unable to offer much" do you mean a needs assessment from the local authority? If so, I'm sorry they didn't offer much, how long ago was this?

I'm glad you have contacted his teacher and will be getting in touch with the other important figures in his life, hopefully those conversations help improve things for you.

Please take note of Scope's Parents Connect sessions, that would be a great chance for you to meet others. And it might also be worth seeing if NAS can offer you any support

endowarrierqueen96 · January 2021

Tell me more about the care needs assessment. I would also contact a behavioural specialist as well.

Ross_Alumni · January 2021

endowarrierqueen96 said:

Tell me more about the care needs assessment. I would also contact a behavioural specialist as well.

I think you're asking the original poster for their experience of their needs assessment, but just in case I'm wrong and you're asking for information about needs assessments, here is that information.

albert2014 · January 2021

Hello, I will try find the paperwork, it was a few years ago now. He also had a CAMHS meeting 2 years ago, which lasted 3 hours and put him on the spot, he wasn't verbal, he didnt like my wife and I telling the lady about him and how he behaves and struggles at all. Was a complete was of time and stress. The lady at the end was more interested in us filing in a scale on a laptop?!!
She said that they wouldn't be able to do anything for Sean and it was me that needed to go on a parent course, the name was of the course was craps or something which I thought was an absolute joke.
It was an insult. I was not pleased. Sean was left bewildered by the experience.
I will try find the NA letter. I will get back to you.
Martin

albert2014 · January 2021

I am ok. Will update in due course.. thanks people

Help with my 15 year old son

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