Hi, I'm RachelBee! I'm struggling to cope with my son whilst dealing with my own mental health — Scope | Disability forum
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Hi, I'm RachelBee! I'm struggling to cope with my son whilst dealing with my own mental health

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RachelBee
RachelBee Community member Posts: 3 Listener
edited February 2021 in Children, parents, and families
I have a lovely son called Robin who is 5 and who has autism and intellectual disability and goes to a special school. I've also got a 9 year old daughter who is undergoing an assessment for ADHD and autism.

I've been struggling a lot since, well, before the lockdown if I'm honest. Looking after Robin has been incredibly challenging and my career as a writer has basically been put on pause for several years while my entire life has been taken up with caring for him. He needs help with everything from feeding and dressing himself to staying safe as he has no sense of danger, and he was nonverbal but now has some words which he uses really well.

During the pandemic it has been indescribably worse, as I'm sure it has been for many. I don't have any family nearby and I home educate my daughter, but caring for Robin became so hard that I couldn't keep up with her schooling. My chronic pain condition worsened, and I couldn't see friends or go out by myself in the evening when my partner could look after the kids like I used to do sometimes. I'm sure you know what it's like.

Things have been so overwhelming that I had a mental health crisis and got help from my doctor, and I've been on antidepressants for several months now. My son started school and it did help to have a few hours during the day to catch up and have a break. I started taking on work again and my daughter's anxiety started to improve, and we got back on track with her educational needs too. But then the second lockdown happened and his school say that they don't have the resources to have the kids for more than 2 days a week now, even though from tomorrow all kids his age in Scotland are supposed to be back in school full time. The school are saying it wouldn't be fair on the older kids, and so they are only doing 2 days a week and will re-assess it in a month's time.

I'm honestly falling apart a little. A lot of Robin's more difficult behaviours have come back, I think due to the disruption in his usual schedule, such as banging his head, hitting me and spitting at me, and smearing his poo all over the place. I had a nasty fall in the garden today and hurt my back and it just feels like the last straw and I can't go on. I'm exhausted and burnt out and I feel like my life is falling apart. People don't understand. But I thought maybe others here would understand.

Sorry if this is out of place or inappropriate in some way.
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Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi and welcome sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed and that you had a fall today. 

    Does your partner help support with your children? 

    Do you get any support from childrens services ? Maybe you can get some care to help out 

    Do you claim DLA for either of your children to help with finances 

    Are there any local groups I know they may not operate currently 

    Sorry to bombard you with stuff just trying to give you some possible options 
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  • RachelBee
    RachelBee Community member Posts: 3 Listener
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    Thank you! Yes, we do get DLA and we're okay financially thank goodness, I know so many aren't just now. My partner works from home but he has severe arthritis and can't help with all of the very physical aspects of care, and also because I can't leave the house the kids know I'm always around so they tend to come find me/yell for me, haha. But I think contacting children's services is a really good idea, thank you so much. Honestly just venting and letting it out helped a lot, too. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it!
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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Your welcome 

    I mainly asked about DLA as that can open up options for help with care 

    Also check out our parents and carers section and parents of disabled children you lay get some advice there 

    No worries about venting thsts what we are here for 
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  • RachelBee
    RachelBee Community member Posts: 3 Listener
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    Thank you so much, I will definitely check out those sections. You've been so helpful and I'm feeling more optimistic already :smile:
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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Good take care always around to try and help even if it's just yo chat or have a good vent 
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  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,284 Pioneering
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    @RachelBee

    Hi Rachael how are you and welcome to the forum , you sound like a incredible women . Lock down has affected a lot of people and life has been made that bit tougher you are doing really well , 
    That’s really great advice from the lovely Janer . 

    I personally don’t have children so I can’t advise when it comes to child care  but I suffer really bad with mental illness and reaching out for help to your doctor is a good sign it’s ok not to be ok And I’m glad he’s given you some meds , 

    Is the medication helping . We always hear if you need a chat xx 

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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,492 Disability Gamechanger
    edited February 2021
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    Welcome to the community from me too @RachelBee :)

    Your post isn't inappropriate at all, and I'm glad that letting it out has been helpful for you. It sounds as though you've got an awful lot on your plate, so you're absolutely welcome to vent here when you need to. I've moved your post into our parents and carers category and renamed it slightly so that it can be found more easily by our other members.

    I'm glad that you're coping financially. It definitely sounds as though you could benefit from some more support at home, however. Do you know how to contact your local authority to inquire about extra support? 

    Have you explained to the school the situation that you're in? Is there a SENCo who you could speak to?

    Have you ever been in touch with the National Autistic Society (NAS)? They run a number of services, including a parent-to-parent emotional support helpline, which could be of benefit to you. 

    Am I right in thinking that you live in Scotland? 
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

    Check out our Playground Accessibility Map
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