How to make friends — Scope | Disability forum
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How to make friends

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tcellmutation
tcellmutation Community member Posts: 259 Pioneering
edited May 2021 in Dating, sex, and relationships
I have family and they are great. They come over and pick me up and take me to their house for food etc. They all have a wide range of friends but I'm never invited out with them when they all get together. This has been the case since I've been ill 6 years ago. I'm not sure why this happens. I have a very outgoing personality and make everybody laugh so I don't really know why I'm cut off from being invited out when they they go for a movie night or a BBQ on a really nice day or anything like this. Never ever. Never invited to days out. Never have i mentioned this to anyone. I have a very big family and they have children and lots of friends of all age groups. I never get to meet anyone else.

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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi there 

    They might think you don't want to join in maybe you need to speak to then and ask why and tell them you would like to join then 
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  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,628 Disability Gamechanger
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    It's obviously been difficult for people to mix over the last year, but things are now starting slowly to open up again, as saner says could you speak to one or two of them and ask them to involve you more? My illness has cost me most of my friendships over the years, but I have made new ones.
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,492 Disability Gamechanger
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    I'm sorry that you've been getting left out of things @tcellmutation. As the others have said, although it might feel a little awkward, it would be worth speaking to them to let them know that you'd like to be invited to things. As you've been unwell, they might have incorrectly assumed that you're not up to attending social events.

    You could also try meeting new people, separate from your family. Do you have any particular interests or hobbies? Or anything you want to try out? 
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  • tcellmutation
    tcellmutation Community member Posts: 259 Pioneering
    edited May 2021
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    Thanks for all of the replies. My situation it a little more different to be able to apply many of the suggestions above. At least I think it is. I don't get out. The only chance I get to go out is with family. Not trying to be so negative.It's just the way it is. I'm quite reclusive until I'm out with people there that I already know. Once I can meet them I'll be fine. I'm not sure coronavirus comes into it as it's been going on for 6 years already. I'll try mention it. It'll be tough but I'll try. Thanks
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  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 621 Pioneering
    edited May 2021
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    Hello @tcellmutation :)

    I completely understand what you've said about finding it tricky to get out and about, unless it's with people that you know and feel comfortable with. It can often take me quite a while to settle into being with new people and feel like I'm a proper member of the group. 

    I think it's right what other people have said though. Your best bet is probably going to be to try and speak to your family, and let them know how this has been making you feel. it sounds like you get on well with your family members. I'm sure they wouldn't want you this to be affecting you like it is. As you say, no doubt as well, things will get easier all-round when restrictions start to ease over the coming weeks. Hopefully, it might be a really good time to try and have that conversation? What do you think?

    Let us know how you get on speaking to your family. And keep in touch in the meantime. We're not going anywhere and you know that there's always somebody around to chat to on the community. :)

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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,492 Disability Gamechanger
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    Of course it's fine if you don't want to meet lots of new people you don't know @tcellmutation, but it can sometimes be good to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

    Perhaps you could start by having that conversation with your family, and see how it goes. You don't have to criticise or blame them, just mention you'd like to be invited to the next event. Perhaps you could even organise something with them, and tell them they're welcome to bring their friends along (according to coronavirus restrictions at the time of course)? 

    After seeing how that goes, then you could consider meeting new people maybe. Would speaking to people online before you met up with them help? Or could chatting with people remotely, such as over video call, be a possibility? 
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