Hi, my name is De38!

Hannah_Scope said:

Hello @de38 Welcome to the community! How are you today? 

Hello.  Im very low today, thanks for asking.  My mental state has such a physical effect on me, it zaps all energy out of me, and drains any motivation, incentive, and spark.

Hannah_Scope said:

Oh @De38 I'm so sorry, do you have anyone that you can speak to?

SHOUT are a really good organisation for mental health and are a 24/7 texting service. I find when I am zapped of energy I don't want to hold a conversation. So something like them really helps.

You said you lose your motivation, incentive and spark. Is that your personality or do you also mean in like a hobbies way? 

I am an introvert by nature but very creative, more so in a past context.  While motivation is short-lived, I used to act on motivation, but have lost the fight to even act on it, maybe its because of lost purpose.

Hannah_Scope said:

There is no lose of purpose when you are creative. Maybe a new outlet is needed? 

What kind of creative things did you do before? I'm a very creative person too so I may geek out a little with you on different crafts, hobbies...etc. 

Used to play Piano, produce own music, paint, draw, graphic digital art, cycling, fishing on beach.

Hannah_Scope said:

Oh wow I've always wanted to learn the Piano How did you come to get into that?

Have you thought about sharing some of your artistic work on our Kaleidoscope gallery? We'd love to see

I was self taught from age 7, play by ear.  Been trying to get back into it after many years away.  My problem is my depression hit me so hard its difficult to find a gap long enough to do it.  All my past hobbies need time to get anything done.  I have time, but my mind is not letting me enjoy it.  Its like trying to be a runner who has got unfit, and when returning is expected to run in deep mud.  The mind can be a very cruel thing.

Tori_Scope said:

 Its like trying to be a runner who has got unfit, and when returning is expected to run in deep mud.

This is a really powerful analogy @de38 You have a way with words!

Perhaps you could try setting yourself small goals. For example, to practise the piano for 5 minutes every other day, or do a 2 minute speed drawing twice a week?

Yes thats a good idea, thank you.  I find its helpful to be able to articulate these things both for myself to give clarity, and for others who may not relate or can muster up a connection to the general world in which we opperate.  I also make sure I am at the least doing what I can do to help matters such as to keep busy as to avoid dwelling on negative thoughts, and not get into a victum like state which may hold some truth in it, but not all that helpfull.