I am struggling with everything.

JustJem
JustJem Online Community Member Posts: 70 Contributor
in Mental health and wellbeing

Hi I have posted on this forum in the past but I don't really have a lot of support in my life and don't know where to turn.

I am struggling with the death of my mum as she passed away last December, I start a new job tomorrow and I know that one way or another I am going to either self sabotage and not be able to sustain it, just like all areas of my life... I've always done this due to my autism and BPD and PTSD amongst other things.

I feel extremely alone and stuck, I hate lashing out verbally at everyone and pushing people away, I've just gotten out of an abusive relationship and he got with me again as soon as my mum passed away as I was more vulnerable, I was cohersed into losing a baby and mentally that has affected me and him and his mum have made my life hell ever since.

I feel like I am not good enough and I truly hate myself and how my life is heading, I'm extremely low and feel alone.

Can anyone please help me?

Comments

  • JustJem
    JustJem Online Community Member Posts: 70 Contributor

    Hi, thank you for the message, I'm currently under the community mental health team but due to lack of funding I only see my mental health nurse once a month, I do ring the 24 hour mental health line which has been helpful.

    My mum passed away on Christmas Eve and with my BPD I pushed everyone away, I've done that for the majority of my life and then I complain when nobody is there to care about me.

    I start this job tomorrow and I don't know if it's for me, but I always give up before I try due to fear of failure and rejection.

    My life needs to change and this is why I am trying my best to reach out for help.

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,847 Championing

    Hi JustJem and welcome back to Scope 😊

    This is a good place to find support because many of us feel alone and stuck at times. You did that and you've secured a job which is an achievement in itself! Is it part-time, is the work something you've done before? Is it a nice route to work and do you know the area?

    I'd be terrified too but also proud of myself. Going anywhere for the first time is scary for me and leaving the house often difficult but I'm always glad when I do.

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,847 Championing

    I am so sorry to hear of your recent bereavements. Cruse Bereavement Care offer email advice, information and support through a helpline and local groups.


    Our Helpline is run by trained bereavement volunteers, who offer emotional support to anyone affected by grief.

    We’ll give you space to talk about your feelings and how you’ve been coping. Our volunteers are completely non-judgemental and won’t share what you’ve told them with anyone else, unless you are in danger.

    Give us a call

    You can call us for free on 0808 808 1677.

    Opening hours

    • Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday: 9.30am-5pm
    • Tuesday: 1pm – 8pm
    • Saturday – Sunday: Closed

    We’re really sorry if we can’t answer your call straight away

    Our helpline is really busy, and we’re really sorry if we can’t answer your call straight away. Please do keep trying. If you are struggling in the meantime, please do call Samaritans on 116 123.

     

    Email Service – Opening Hours:

    You can contact us through our webform at any time.
    Our bereavement volunteers will respond to enquiries:

    • Monday, Wednesday and Friday: 9am – 5pm
    • Tuesday, Thursday: 9am – 8:00pm

    Saturdays 10am – 2pm

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,847 Championing

    Hi again, I hope my post above didn't overwhelm you. I can be clumsy.

    I wish you lots of luck on your first day.

  • Jimm_Alumni
    Jimm_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,717 Championing

    Hi @JustJem, welcome back! You'll always be welcome here, I am glad you feel able to come here to talk about what you're dealing with. It isn't easy, so thank you. I hope your job is going well today. Congrats on getting a job! The first day is always quite nerve-wracking.

    Whatthe has already provided a great bereavement services. They can help you with your feelings around your mum passing away. Have you spoken to your GP about your mental health worsening due to everything going on at all?

    Mind have some resources about loneliness here: Tips for everyday living | Loneliness

    Keep an eye out for an email from us by the way!

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