Relationships and dating

pooleemily29
pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected
in Relationships

Hi, I'm Emily snd I am 29 years old, for most of my life I have been talking about meeting that special someone that's always there for you on good and bad days but I found as I've gotten older I've almost become invisible to the point where no one can see me.

I look at people round me and I see them and I'm thinking why isn't me? Am I too ugly 😔 is that the fact that they're scared to approach and talk to me like a human being rather look st him give me funny looks.

Of course I've had boyfriends but that was in the past. Having HCP (Hempligic Cerebral Palsy) means that I can talk snd walk slightly like a normal person but despite me looking for groups to join I'd gotten nowhere.

It may seem desperate of me to be ttelking like this but I really do want a successful friendship/relationship with someone with or without a disability.

Quite frankly, if people don't want to talk to me that's fine, I'm a soldier with invisible armor that no one else can see I've caught more battles than the advantage person I will not some mean minded people put me down by saying " I'll never get married"! Or " whose gonna marry you"?

I'm just sick of watching other people have their 'successful' relationships I've lost all my friends and I'm trying to find new ones, but everything's been cut back by the government how the hell do they expect the likes of me and every other person with CP or HCP to get on in life

It's frustrating 😒

Emily

Comments

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 58,604 Championing

    @pooleemily29 hi there and welcome, lots of people here to make friends with and natter to.

    Have you tried dating sites? Might worth a try

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    @Sandy_123 no I'm not allowed too in my opinion I just think they're a waste of time. The trouble is I find it difficult to go up to someone and actually openly to talk to them about my HCP.

    Emily ❤️

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 58,604 Championing

    The only other way I can think of is joining groups that maybe suit your hobbies.

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    @Sandy_123 I've tried but the only thing is they seem to be older elderly people or people with dementia. It doesn't help with the government keep cutting back on everything.

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Community member Posts: 2,426 Championing
    edited September 29

    Hey Emily I'm 42, I've been on my own now for 14 years after an abusive relationship. I get lonely sometimes but overall I have become content being on my own now.

    However I understand the questioning and doubting I've always had confidence and esteem issues, told to "man up" etc.

    I am a large lad which doesn't help although I've lost a lot of weight and have height on my side.

    I'm my case the majority of nasty remarks I receive is due to my autism and tourettes.

    I'm the former I don't speak to people easily so get called ignorant rude and much worse for not answering Or walking away. In the case of the latter I often sing to myself or talk to myself so we then get the "weirdo" "freak," comments.

    I have loads of online friends on Facebook for example 3k + from various sites over 25 years online and am very close to many. But offline I have none.

    As sandy said right here you'll make lots of friends.

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 58,604 Championing

    Yeah your right with the cuts it limits people

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    @Nightcity I just want someone to see me for me and look past my HCP.

    Emily ❤️

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Community member Posts: 2,426 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/915657#Comment_915657

    Bless you 💜

    Yes I understand that, we live unfortunately in a very cruel. And judgemental society, and that's another reason I don't interact in person with most people.

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    Are there any young people on here?

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    @Sandy_123 hi it's Emily again can you put me in the direction where u can talk to someone whose the same age as me 29.

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 58,604 Championing

    Hi Emily I don't really know anyone that's the same age on here, maybe put a post on the forum

  • Bydand
    Bydand Community member Posts: 188 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/123257/relationships-and-dating

    Hi, it must be very frustrating for you.

    Have you joined a cerebral palsy support group ?. Is there a group in your area?

    I don’t have CP but I do have pulmonary fibrosis and am part of a support group which I find beneficial. Not only for the support of similar sufferers but from the social side of things too…..

    Might be worth looking into if you haven’t already.

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    Hello, i had to come here just now because as I turn 30 tomorrow I aas just now thinking about what future guy I'd like.

    I know it sounds odd to you on here . I'm just fed up with people saying " oh you'll meet the right guy one day"! But how can that be true huh I've waited half my life for the tight man a gentlemen to come snd sweep my feet .... has it happened No is the answer. It is true she was that I'm not big on social media or chat rooms anything like that is out of bounds for me. As it can be a dangerous place for a certaintype of people to lurk round on there.

    And it is hard for me to watch everyone else have a successful relationship with their partners when all I or you want is to happy myself.

    If I could meet me anyone I'd like to think it would either be with someone with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy or not. What matters is that I'd like my future boyfriend to understand what's its Luke to have it. And why I get that question of ' why won't any normal able bodied look at me'? You know is that they're afraid of something or just aggroant and manly enough to actually speak up snd talk to you rather just ignore you and walk right past you.

    Does anyone else feel like this?

    Thanks for listening attentively guys! ❤️❤️❤️🙂

  • SaraC_Scope
    SaraC_Scope CP Network, Scope Posts: 149 Empowering

    Hi @pooleemily29

    Happy 30th birthday. I hope you have a lovely day.

    I understand that feeling of thinking no one wants to be with you, because of cerebral palsy. I have right sided hemiplegia and always felt judged as a young person. I had the same worries as you but thankfully my family were a support. Mum encouraged me to focus on the here and now. I know that's easier said than done.

    I found friendships through my college and then a work placement, but disability was always there and I found myself having to explain why I couldn't do certain things.

    You mentioned groups not being the right place to make friendships. There is a group called

    Meetup | Find Local Groups, Events, and Activities Near You

    It's great for finding groups that are relevant to you, by searching age range, location and interests. Instagram is good for finding local groups as well. Type your interest and location and these will populate local places.

    When you are part of something and finding friendships this could lead to connecting with someone on a deeper level.

    I hope this information is helpful. Have a wonderful day.

    @SaraC_Scope

    Cerebral Palsy Specialist Cardiff

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    @SaraC_Scope thankyou ❤️🙂 @pooleemily29

  • pooleemily29
    pooleemily29 Community member Posts: 13 Connected

    @SaraC_Scope hi again, how do I go about navigating a world where I want to have a boyfriend yes but then my parents have a rule and a rule fir myself that I would never talk to anyone online again? @pooleemily29❤️🙂

  • SaraC_Scope
    SaraC_Scope CP Network, Scope Posts: 149 Empowering

    Hi @pooleemily29

    I think finding and joining one of those groups I mentioned would be a good place to start. As I said building a friendship with someone and then you never know where that might lead.

    I met my now husband on an evening out. We dated for quite sometime as I had some issues with trusting people. But he accepted me for being me. He saw past my disabilities. So connecting with people face to face can lead to new relationships.

    I would try not to focus on finding a boyfriend. As this can be all consuming and lead to disappointment. When you stop looking and just connect with new people, that is when healthy relationships can develop.

    Take care

    @SaraC_Scope

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