Wheelchair user's

bevt2017 · June 2017

Hi everyone!
I really need some help and advice.
Since April this year due to nurolgical problems, I have to use a wheelchair when I go out (which I hate). I hate it when people stair at me, and most give me dirty looks. I don't go to supermarkets anymore, because I've had trolleys hit me, prams, and neally had cages hit me. Once the trolley that connects to the wheelchair, came off on the way back to the car, and caused damage to my hand. my husband said he didn't hear me say stop. My husband has been verbally abused by an older lady. He asked if he could get by her, she tutted and shook her head. My husband apologised, and she said I should think so. He appologised again that I was in a wheelchair. and she called him a bald fat "B". I only knew what was going on when everyone was looking at me because I'm deaf. When My husband told me what had happened I broke down crying. But today has really hit me hard. I told my husband to watch were he was going, because the foot pedals always hits the concrete especially on ramps. He was so angry with me, he pushed the wheelchair away with me in it, and I nearly hit a man. I was so humiliated I had to stop, everyone was staring at me. I told him I couldn't believe what he had just done. He appoligised, but the damage was already done. I don't want to go out of the house anymore. With my anxiety and stress, it's just getting to hard. What can I do?.

Sam_Alumni · June 2017

Hi @bevt2017 I am so sorry this has all happened to you, it sounds miserable and stressful.

I don't really have any advise apart from to ask if your husband is getting any support as a carer as it sounds like he could be struggling, but I just wanted you to know you arent alone and that I read your post.

Is there anyone else who could take you out and about?

bevt2017 · June 2017

Hi @Sam_Scope
No my husband doesn't get any help. when I mention anything about councilling or suppport, he shuts down, and says he's fine and doesn't need it. I think once P.I.P is sorted, we can go back to the carrers centre, and I will mention it to them.
There is only me, my husband and the kids. All my friends have either moved away, or can't deal with my illness, so they don't bother with me anymore.
Thanx for listening, any help is much appreceated.

Sam_Alumni · June 2017

It sounds really tough Bev, along with your physical health, it is so important to take care of your mental health too. If you feel you are struggling with stress and anxiety, it might be worth you speaking to your GP.

We have a lovely and caring community here so do jump in and get involved.

bevt2017 · June 2017

Hi @Sam_Scope
Its very hard for me, and my family.
I'm already on two different anti - depressants. But I've never asked my GP for help with my anxiety and stress. That's something I will look into.
Thanx again for your help Sam.

basiclee08 · June 2017

Hello @bevt2017 I also started to use a wheelchair after my accident and found it hard I found talking to other disabled people now friends helped. I joined local disability groups. at first found it really hard to find someone somewhere to go to talk with people. by chance I was donating clothes and other items to my local scope shop and got talking to a member of staff and she was great at giving me details of local groups meetings were we just talk over a cuppa. or sports and so on. suddenly I had access to people who could empathise with me and i with them, and access to support if needed or if they felt needed more they would sign post me to someone who could help. Hang in there and Do see if a local group near you a hour away to have a coffee and a chat don't seem alot but can make a world of difference to you. lee.x

bevt2017 · June 2017

Hi @basiclee08
Thank you for replying.
Unfortunately I wish it was that easy, 'I'm prouvondly deaf' and suffer badly with tinnitus, so it makes things even more difficult to communicate with people. I don't know how to sign yet, but I'm learning a little from the internet.
It's good to know that there are diability groups helping disabled people, even if is just to talk. And I'm happy you have found a group that can help you. thank you again and Good luck.

JadeB · June 2017

@bevt2017 I'm really sorry you have had this experience. If it was me personally and people were staring and tutting at me I know what I'd do. I'd shout really loud 'yes I am in a wheelchair! Thanks for noticing! Please don't feel the need to stare! I'm not stupid! Feel free to carry on with your day! Don't stop at my expense!'

But then that's just me if people are going to stare and smirk then I'll repay thar by making them feel just as embarrassed because of thier own small mindedness!

Tephy · July 2017

I can sympathise somewhat, why do people always look at the person in the wheelchair and have a go at them especially when they have no control. When MY wife first learned to cope with pushing me in a wheelchair she would sometimes accidentally cat someone with the foot plates, the amount of abuse I got , I swear some of them made words up ! Being in shopping centres and in a wheelchair is as you say a nightmare I have psoriasis on my hands and on the odd occasion when I propel myself, people have no qualms about ramming me in the wheel with a trolley to get me out the way and when they see the blood where my skin has peeled off they tell me it was my fault for having my hand/s in the way !! The best one was a woman who looked at me in my wheelchair and then at her husband who had a walking stick and then said to me " could you reach and get that of the top shelf my husband is disabled ", not even a please, I just moved away, she followed me around the store telling me how bad mannered I was and un helpful and because of me disabled people get bad press, .. admittedly she was asked to say sorry, which she refused and was escorted out by a security guard. Waiting for me to have another go in the car park, then didn't even have a blue badge displayed in a disabled space ....

samparrot123 · July 2017

I know only to well how you feel,I've had some really bad experiences myself ,the truth is people don't understand the stress of being very ill,and sometimes families don't seem to get it,I can only tell you that you are not alone there are hundreds of us out there going through the same thing ,and of course the government don't help cutting benifits and PIP etc. but you WILl get through it and I will say a prayer for you tonight.

bevt2017 · July 2017

Hi @JadeB
Thank you for your advice, it made me smile. I would of done the same thing years ago. But being in a wheelchair makes me feel vulnerable, and scared, So I just ignore them.

bevt2017 · July 2017

Hi @Tephy
That's terrible, but good for you for making a stand. I would of called the police on her, for trying to intimidate you. I don't know what this world is comming to. I do find that the younger generation are more exceptable, than the older ones. Good luck to you and all the best, and keep smiling.

bevt2017 · July 2017

Hi @samparrot123
I do agree It's very stressful going out the house. talking to people who are going through the same thing does help. I don't feel like it's just me. I didn't realise how bad it was for disabled people, until I went through it myself, there just stupid and ignorant people. Thank you for the prayer.

nanof6 · July 2017

bevt2017, welcome to my world, i had the same problem, my husband pushing me into people, well the foot plate going into the back of there legs, people saying its my fault, when i went to the card shop i was sideways on to look and pick a card, people came to where i was reaching over me pushing me, ive never seen anything like it,as if it was the only stand in the big shop with cards on, another time i was in morrisons my husband had put the shopping through from the bag on the back of my wheelchair, then gone to load the bag at the bottom, as i couldn't push myself i had to stay put till he had put the shopping back in the bag, a man about 60 65 put a box on the belt but hit me on the shoulder first, i have inpingment on both so they are painful, he hit me a second time, i just started swearing at him i couldn't controll my self, i new it was done on perpus,but since april they gave me an electric wchair, the differance is unbelievable, im lucky, no more getting ramed into people, i have control, it makes a big difference.so you are not alone, i find typing it down on this site helps to get it off your chest,i do hope things inprove for you.

KellyL · July 2017

Aw bless you all! I felt like everyone was staring at me when I first started using a wheelchair 11 years ago but it gets easier very quickly when you get used to using a chair.

I'm still my usual friendly, smiley self most of the time, and people respond positively to me.

Your husband needs either support to cope with his worries or a kick up the backside! He should be making things better for You, not worse!

Hope you feel better about life on 4 wheels soon xxx

bevt2017 · July 2017

Hi @nanof6
That's terrible people should have more respect. I was having a coffee yesterday with my husband. When a women hit me with a pram, there were loads of room to get by me. She didn't even appologise for doing it. I don't blame you for having a rant. My husband said my mood went down rapidly. Not just her, but people not moving, to busy looking at there phones to notice me. I'm always flinching when he walks pass someone. Because I dont know if there going to hit me, or fall on top of me. Also being deaf doesnt help me. Im happy you feel better with your electric wheelchair. And wish you all the best.

bevt2017 · July 2017

Hi @KellyL
He needs both lol. Now he's tends to drive me into them on purpose, I think he gets fed up constantly changing directions, because people won't move. I told him yesterday not to do it, but he was upset that I was feeling low because of other people. He also has to listen to people moaning all the time. I dont hear them because im deaf. "Thank you" I hope it does get better, but people need to change there attitude towards disabled people first.

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