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Is it strange to not know your sexuality at 32?

rubin16 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 779 Disability Gamechanger
Hi, I have always been confused with my sexuality all my life and it varies alot, one day I can be gay, one day straight, the next niether. I have never really discussed it with anyone but it really does make me suffer alot mentally and its really confusing, as I don't have any relationships. I have tried sex with both parties before, but this didn't go well as I didn't enjoy it and It puts my anxiety to max and I just want it to end. I have had boyfriends, and girlfriends in the past but these were just long distanced online, and they never work out as I'm not very sexual person.

I have Autism, ADHD and Schizophrenia, I just feel I am doomed to be alone and I don't know whats wrong with me. I am too embrassed to talk about this to anyone in person.
I have Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, Gilberts Syndrome and Crohn's Disease and have knowledge in these areas.


  • Leo_Aces
    Leo_Aces Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 104 Courageous
    Hey @rubin16, It's absolutely not strange to know our sexuality at any age. 

    It can be common to think that when we figure out our sexuality, we've made some kind of final decision. Sexaulity is a spectrum and we can move along that spectrum at any time. 

    I read that you've had boyfriends and girlfriend, also that you are not a very sexual person. Have you researched the term Asexaul? This is a term used to describe when people have no really desire to be sexual, with any gender. 

    I would say the most important thing to remember is: it's ok not to know, or to change our minds. Perhaps other members of this community will be able to relate and share similar experiences. 

    All the best ♠️

    ♠️Community Volunteer Advisor ♠️

    I’m a Speaker and Life Coach.

    I have professional knowledge of Gender Identity & Sexuality  

    I coach people with all abilities to guide them to realise their potential and feel empowered 

    My background is Person Centred and Transactional therapy 

    ➡️Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.⬅️

  • loz_
    loz_ Community member Posts: 39 Courageous
    Hey Rubin,

    I didn’t realise I identified as a lesbian until I was around 20 and I am 25 now. I had identified as bisexual for many years before. As mentioned above, sexuality is a spectrum and it can take people a while to realise their sexuality. As you mentioned you are not a very sexual person, have you looked into the asexuality spectrum? There are many types of sexuality on it such as: asexuality which is feeling no desire to engage in sexual acts and having no sexual attraction to people and there is also demisexuality which is where you don’t experience sexual attraction until a close bond has been formed with somebody but there any many sexualities on the asexuality spectrum! People on the spectrum can still feel romantic attraction unless they also identify as aromantic. There is no shame in not knowing your sexuality at any age.

    I also have schizophrenia as well as other mental and physical health conditions and felt similar to you for many years but now my condition has improved I have started feeling sexual attraction as well after realising I identify as a lesbian.

    I hope I was of some help and feel free to get in contact if you want to chat some more. :)
    pronouns: she/her. age 25. 🤍
  • Steve_in_The_City
    Steve_in_The_City Scope Member Posts: 627 Pioneering
    edited February 2023
    @rubin16 I think the important thing is not to worry too much about how you feel, don't feel you have to conform to what society expects, not everyone wants relationships, some people are asexual, and many people live in close platonic friendships. Some people are happy to be alone. The main criteria is that you don't feel lonely or separated from society.

    There is nothing wrong with you. You are human, like the rest of us, with emotions that are complex and not always easy to understand.
  • Adeline
    Adeline Community member Posts: 141 Pioneering
    I'm not a fan of  the need to label everything and feel uneasy that there are now labels for everything. I think it's believed to be inclusive but I feel it just segregates people more and leaves people confused as to where they 'fit' and this need to classify oneself rather than just be who they are, is doing more harm than good.

    You mentioned having autism and I think it's important to remember that us folks with autism are prone to over-think things and that can make socially constructed labels and trying to find our place even more difficult, because we want to ensure we get our label 'correct'.
    Is it normal to not be certain of your sexuality? Absolutely! Especially the more open your mind is. I'm married, 3 children and in my 30s and I absolutely couldn't say for certain with a blanket term or label what my sexuality is. 

    Would you like a relationship? And if the answer is yes, what is important to you in a relationship @rubin16?
  • MollySco9
    MollySco9 Community member Posts: 5 Listener
    I wouldn't say so. I think it's so accepted for people to like what they like, you can go through phases of liking things, and phases of not, so I don't think it's an issue.
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