Knock to confidence

66Mustang

Recently, a couple of times, I have been trying to drive my car on my own just in the car park outside my house, while someone stands outside, so I am in the car on my own. Today I managed to clip the pavement kerb and scuff my wheel while moving the car, and it's boosted the thought that I'll never be able to drive places on my own because if I can't drive 25 yards without any incident how will I drive 10 miles or so.

The other day I drove around 200 miles with my family in the car for support and there were no incidents, I know the pavement scuff could have happened even if I had someone sat in the car with me but it has knocked me back.

Has anyone else had knocks to confidence when trying to build up to something and how did you deal with it?

Adrian_Scope

You might find that practicing self-compassion helps view these sorts of things differently and in turn it may not impact your confidence as much @66Mustang. 
I know it's easier said than done to do it, but putting the setback aside and looking at the bigger picture can really help. As you said, it could have happened regardless of whether someone was in the car with you or not. Try not to let this very minor incident overshadow your progress. 200 miles is a fantastic achievement and shows how well you're doing.

I think that often when I'm trying to be overly cautious, I actually make more mistakes. It's similar to pouring a drink – when you pour slowly, it often dribbles down the sides and over the counter. But when poured with confidence and a bit more speed, spills are less likely to occur. 

I know you're aware but you need to keep reminding yourself that the scuff on your wheel doesn't reflect your driving ability. If you weren't a competent driver, you wouldn't have been able to complete the 200-mile journey with your family, incident free. That accomplishment speaks volumes about your skills.

During the 200-mile drive, did the person with you need to take over the wheel, control braking or acceleration, or make any sudden interventions, apart from offering reassurance? If not, it sounds to me like you were more than capable.

When my confidence takes a hit, the quicker I get back in the saddle, so to speak, the less impact it has and the quicker I overcome it. I know you've got a barbecue today, but when are you next able to get out for a drive?

WelshBlue

I agree with everything Adrian said ... especially the be kind to yourself.  You're half-way there by recognising it could have happened if someone had sat with you.  

The fact you drove 200 miles without incident proves you're a competent driver.
Long journies the satnav screams at me ... I'm rubbish

Small steps.  Next time you'll be aware of the kerb.  
We all do aaarghh things,  The other week because I got tired and achey whilst checking my brakes, I dragged the alloy wheel towards me ... face side down.  Lovely lil' scratch in the lacquer.
I ranted at myself for a while, then thought ... it's done now.

Easy for others to say things I know, not so easy for us to put things into practice

66Mustang

Thank you @Adrian_Scope and @WelshBlue for the encouragement. Also, sorry for not replying yesterday. I was at the barbecue in the evening then went to bed!

I think you are right that you need to "get back in the saddle" quickly after a blip. I guess the longer you leave it the harder it gets.

I have just been out for a drive today, with a family member, and it went perfectly

Adrian_Scope

Well done for getting back to it so quickly @66Mustang and brilliant news that it went so well. I hope it has helped reassure you a little and you can keep building upon that. 

surfygoose

Well done for having another go. That was brave of you and I’m glad it went well.

WelshBlue

@66Mustang ... nice one mate.  
I think driving is one of those things where it's a balance - over confident not good, and too anxious can make us 'jerky'.  Any one of us is only as good as the next corner
It's great to hear you grabbed the bull by the horns

I remember recovering from a pretty bad prang as a passenger, as soon as I came out of hospital after a few weeks, the next day the first thing I did was drive.  Just to get the feel of being on the road again ... not rolling down it lol 

Hope the BBQ was good.  Could go for a burger and onions now actually

66Mustang

@WelshBlue I think I know exactly what you mean. Not being a motorcyclist due to health but wanting to be one and having read a lot about it. They say you need to be assertive but not cocky. That's great you were able to get back on the road after having a crash as a passenger.

The BBQ was great thanks, we still have a few burgers and sausages left if you want some ha ha

WelshBlue

Motorcycling is a different ball game.  I've only ever had trials and scramblers and they were enough for me

I live in an area of Wales where people travel hours to open the bikes up on the twisty roads.  
This time of year you've got to have your wits about you, for bikes coming towards you on the wrong side of the road

In the past fortnight in a 30 mile radius there's been 5 different collisions ... 3 airlifted and 2 fatalities.
Not counting the ones going through hedges or bouncing down the road

Would like to say it's youthful inexperience but most of the bad offs seem to be men in their 40's and 50's

You've twisted my arm ... I'll have a burger and hot dog please lol

Grinchy

glad you got back to it, well done @66Mustang, see it as a little win,