Confused About My Current Status and Standing

Kalps

Hi All and to Scopes Pioneer Members/Volunteers,

I have posted on here before regarding a few issues about myself and am thankful for the past replies.

I'm confused about my status and where I stand in society. Im in recovery from alcohol misuse (4.5 yrs clean now) due to childhood trauma but more so I had a serious spinal injury ( 4 x Vertebral Lower Lumbar Compression Fractures) in April 2014 of which thereafter I self-medicated with copious amounts of alcohol for pain relief but attracted negative health consequences. I received rehab help and have, maintained my sobriety since and am on medication to strengthen bones (osteoporosis), depression, weight issues and associated symptoms. I currently live in a dry house with a few other people. I'm currently on long-term U.Credit and am challenging PIP for Enhanced Rate as my abilities, especially mobility is very compromised due to the spinal injury and the domino effect its had on my legs & feet.

I have a Blue Badge, which I use in my friend's car when i am a passenger.

I don't think that I have mentally accepted that I am classed as disabled. I'm certainly not proud of it as I refuse to wear my visible lanyard and ID card, I think I'm quite ashamed/embarrassed and quite confused. to be honest.

I would like people/anyone on here to read my post and give me feedback on my social standing as I don't know where I truly fit in. I have been told by friends that I should be highly eligible for ground floor accommodation by the council due to my musculoskeletal disorder and mobility issues but have never pursued this out of fear and unworthiness. As an act of giving/helping I regularly attend A.A meeting to share my past and also to support those in active addiction & in recovery too with the tools I have gained. This is something that I may pursue in the future in terms of employment. I am a fun, joky person but when alone I mentally slip into the 'Poor me/Victim' mindset which leaves me depressed.

I very much welcome everyone's feedback, support & suggestions to my post and look forward to I hope, many many replies.

Thankyou To All In Advance,

Kalpesh (Kal). xx

Kalps

I Hope many members on here reads my post and in their own opinions leaves me a comment however long or short. I really hope people do or even from the volunteers. thanks

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @Kalps

You have been through so much and I am happy to hear you are now sober. 

I think it does mentally take a little longer to come to terms with being disabled or being ill. Some people prefer to "label" themselves as having a disability. Some prefer to use the term chronically ill. Others don't like any label. 

I hope others sharing their experience will help you. But I think time can always change your perception and ability, so maybe trying to find that "label" in society will come with just living in society  

Kalps

Hi Hannah,

Thankyou for your reply. I've had heated debates about this with a very close friend who works in Substance Misuse for a number of years. Its made me keep a certain distance from him as i feel he collects "Data" and he is a very driven individual. What he fails to understand that my injury has led me to continue to suffer from 'Situational Depression' and it has stripped me of drive, energy and overall interest in life in general. What i'm looking for is support from other members of what they did to "relight" themselves in terms of drive, determination, interest, job, career, online business etc. I hope many people read my post and can give me some pointers. Receiving benefits is ok but you can only exist on that money, you cant live a growth life, well that's my opinion anyway........but i want to be proven wrong and need some inspiration etc etc. I am currently challenging PIP for Enhanced Rate components, awaiting to hear from them.

Kalps

Thankyou Woodbine for your reply, much appreciated. I honestly don't know what I see myself as anymore other than a bitter loser/has been. 

Sandy_123

Hi @kalps well done for getting sober that will have a huge impact on your health in the long term. Have you thought of councilling  if may help you understand yourself. Also is your gp helping with your mental health. 
Personally the way I deal with it, is to try make the most of what I can do with my limitations. Somethings I can't do and that's ok there are plenty other things I can.  It's very easy to start feel sorry for ourselves, but I always think there is someone else worse then me and that keeps me going. 

Kalps

Hi Sandy, Thank you so much for your reply. In terms of M.H, i do have a M.H. nurse based at my GP surgery but seldom have appts. Currently, im on antidepressants to help cope with day-to-day living. And your right, i have fallen into a "Poor me/Victim" mindset for a number of years and am quite isolated. I guess i'm used to it now because i don't know any different in terms of mental growth and pursual of anything. I keep thinking i can work within the substance misuse sector but i greatly lack internal drive and any level of consistency. I think like you in that there's people worse than me and grateful that i can walk albeit with limited difficulty/chronic lower back pain. As for counseling, i wouldn't know where to start. I currently have online CBT to challenge my cant do thoughts and my therapist has recognized that i may be suffering from long term unresolved depression and trauma, even some level of PTSD. This is something she may refer me for as our sessions go on.