Today is my birthday.

onebigvoice

Because its my birthday I have decided to write some more dad jokes to start my day off, with a chuckle.
  So here goes: they cover subjects I like and do so I hope they bring a smile to you.
Cooking:
 Don't go baking my heart... I wouldn't if I fried.
 What's the fastest vegtable in the garden.... A runner bean.
Someone threw a pot of Mayonase over me... I said what the hellmans. 
When I was a kid, my dad was fired from his job as a road worker for theft, I refused to believe that he could do such a thing, but when I got home the signs were all there.
Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?......  It wwas Chewie.
Space:
Why don't they have party's on  the moon.....  There's no atmosphere.
What colour is the moon.....  Blew.
Why do banks like goalies......  Because they are good savers.
Pets.
What do you call a dog in a submarine....  A Sub Woofer 
The guy that invented Valcro died the other day....  RIP.
What do you call an Irishman with a bullet proof vest on....  Rick 'o' Shay.
What did the witches mum say when she got mad.....  Go to your Broom.
What do you call a mother who is practicing law.... A mother-in-law.
I went to Paris... Eifell over.
I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when its raining in Sweden.....
but how am I supposed to know when its raining in Sweden? 
I was adicted to Hokey pokey.....  But i turned my self around.
Clothes.
  Why do dad's alwaystake a spare pair of socks when golfing....  In case they get a Hole in one.
What do you call a police man who stays in bed all day....  A working under cover cop.
Today my son asked "Can I have a book mark?"  I burst into tears-----11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is David.
  So how this helps your day to a good start...... no this isnt part of the post, OBV.

Adrian_Scope

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @onebigvoice! I hope you have a wonderful day and thanks for sharing your jokes with us. Here are a couple for you for your birthday:

Why did the birthday cake go to school? 🎂
To get a "slice" of education!

What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older and wiser... or at least older!
    

Lou67

@onebigvoice
Happy birthday I hope you enjoy your day. 🥳 

Sandy_123

Love the jokes and happy birthday @onebigvoice

onebigvoice

Thank you guys and girls I,ve still got 11 hours to go?  Don't moan?  They are taking me out to a Pub lunch.... Yummy.
  

onebigvoice

Thank you guys and girls I,ve still got 11 hours to go?  Don't moan?  They are taking me out to a Pub lunch.... Yummy.
  The joke was supposed to be
What colour is the wind....  BLEW.
  

easy

Happy Birthday @onebigvoice, have a wonderful day.
Thanks for the jokes, I enjoyed them.

Grinchy

happy birthday @onebigvoice, the jokes are great 

onebigvoice

Thank you guys and girls I,ve still got 11 hours to go?  Don't moan?  They are taking me out to a Pub lunch.... Yummy.
  The joke was supposed to be
What colour is the wind....  BLEW.
  

Adrian_Scope

I hope you had a great time at lunch @onebigvoice?  

onebigvoice

Well again thanks and yes I had a great Pub Fish and Chips which was like a whale and chips, and to take home, because I could not eat any more?  A foot long Chocolate Eclaire, bigger that the size of a Jumbo Sausage Bun.  Stuffed and two attempts to eat it.  Then in opening the card one was a Dave the minion Card, full of Polo's Loose?
  Me not being a bit cleaver after being stuffed, what is all this in the card, Don't be late and make a date be there by 10.00 I see you then 24th July.
  I'm going to see how they make the hole in a polo's?  NO, idiot.
We have booked an all day experience at the Royal Mint and strike your own coin and a sit down lunch?
( I collect coins.)  So again tomorrow armed with my "birthday money" I'm down the Mint in Llantrisiant.
Can't wait..
  

Adrian_Scope

A foot long chocolate eclair sounds delicious but not sure I'd be able to finish it either @onebigvoice!
It took me a minute to understand the Polo / Mint reference. It sounds great, you'll have to tell us all about it after you've been. 

durhamjaide2001

Happy birthday for yesterday 

onebigvoice

POEM – I’M GOING DOWN THE MINT.

 

Well now it Monday, another give to have

They said to make sure I’m ready,

Your going down the mint

I waited all week end and now its finally here,

 I’m going to strike a coin, and give the loudest cheer.

 

Well it must be a Simpson thing, as we set off well in time,

And talking going down there, guess what we missed that sign.

 I asked you didn’t say something, when you saw the sign go by,

He said I thought it was a short cut, to save a bit of time?

Well we made it and was about 2 minutes late

but went into the shopping part

which made us very late, so we joined the next one

and had 20 more minutes to wait.

 

We looked around the displays there,

The coins so shinny and bright,

  I was like a kid in the sweet shop

It was too much to contemplate.

 

 I forgot that you we searched , just before you go in,

And was lucky I was the last one, as that they had to wait, before they could begin

I emptied out my pockets, of coins and my glasses case

And still that meter buzzed all over the place,

 

By now all were looking at me being frisked down,

And yet again that security guard kept hearing that buzzing sound.

He made allowances for my zips and rings upon my hand

And then realised my knees were causing a resound.

 

A cheer, came out from the party as I had walk into the room

My son-in-law had told them, he’s like the six million dollar man.

He’s had so much replaced the latest was his knees

And if the equipment was any good, I guess we shall see.

 

We had a talk about the history of coins that had been struck here.

And yes this was quite interesting, until asking any questions

And I piped out Yes I’m by here?  I asked the question that I wanted to know

As I really wanted to know, and made a comment on the speed of the machine that

Is that as fast as it could go.

 

Now she didn’t know but I really, really did   

And although it was doing 166 a second

that’s around 10,000 an hour?

And yet its silent yet running around 10 machine’s in here.

 

We walked around and got to the place where you struck your own coin.

And could not wait to use it, and got into an excited state.

My turn had come and I walked up, and I struck that coin,

I had it put into a case untouched by human hand.  

 

We walked around the rest of it and people kept asking me.

 How come I knew so much and not only about the pound

I told that I collect and have been for some time  

That included the whole world round.

 

Back in the shop I bought some more,

I though I had my fill and saw three more coins

That they would not sell?  these are the rarest to be seen now.

They were ones that  you could have had in change

Three were 50p’s and a penny not very old.

 

I have all three but the 1933 ‘s are suspect I know one is a re-strike

And the other is looking like some good gear.

I have the 50p Kew Gardens, Used and Silver Proof and also in the year set

2009 that struck year, in those other sets in  my room.

 

I also have the offside rules, when they all first come out,

 no one was collecting them, and the Judo 50p, from the Olympic games

I have ones that I don’t see here, and she said we have every coin,

 that was ever produced and for every year.

 

I said show me the Brexit leaving coin, not the one when finally left

but the two other ones for Feb and October the previous years

We recalled them and were melted down, I said I have both of them

including the Commeration crowns?  

 

Well we went into to Café, and we all sat down

And had the lunch provided right there in the lounge.

And people asked me including the guide some questions

Have you ever been here before, OH yes many times.

  

  I could have had a job in there giving the guided tour

And gave me a card incase we came later in the year.

She also gave me the number to test some coins at home

And when I showed her what was in my pocket,

She said that’s larger than the one over there?

 

It was in a sealed container there’s was valued at 7 grand.

Mine made there look like the replica, do you want your's to be put on that stand.

No its go into be tested here and pulled out an 1833 shilling that was made, right here.

The moral of the story is find a hobby or something to do, that gives some sort of respite from the mundane things you do.     

OBV  25/07/2023.                                                                                                                                                                                                 

66Mustang

Happy birthday, sorry it's late