Why does my mother insist on forcing me to date men with learning disabilities, even though I don't — Scope | Disability forum
If we become concerned about you or anyone else while using one of our services, we will act in line with our safeguarding policy and procedures. This may involve sharing this information with relevant authorities to ensure we comply with our policies and legal obligations.

Find out how to let us know if you're concerned about another member's safety.
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

Why does my mother insist on forcing me to date men with learning disabilities, even though I don't

Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 371 Courageous
Being a woman with learning disabilities, my mum always has been like this when it comes to dating me to men with learning disabilities, and I know I don't want to date men with learning disabilities, but I have to, since my mother said last time that you will never be in a relationship or date again. I cannot even express my feelings. I dislike disabled dating sites, while my mother prefers them. I have noticed the guys are past the age 30 seem to not listen to what i did express my feeling and that not good and that also one red flags . Some of these men were 33 and 34 . did the same thing kept pushing me and kept asking me out before we even met up and yep i did rejected these two guys . These two guys also have learning disabilities but i don't want guys to kept pushing me even if I said no. they would be like that in a relationship, and that would be a red flag, I think. I've been on different dating sites. A guy was upset about not replying, but that might also be a turn off. I'd prefer to get to know each other before getting into a relationship. The guys tried to push me and I kept saying I wanted to go slowly instead, I rejected them and blocked them. I'm getting frustrated with different types that I don't want or that raise some red flags. What are the reasons for this?


  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 10,600 Scope online community team
    Hello @Splatmate24
    Dating can be difficult for all everyone and it's important to have your own boundaries which it sounds like you have.
    You should never feel forced into dating someone you're not comfortable with. Have you considered asking someone neutral to sit with you and your mother to discuss how you're feeling about her rules and to ask about her reasons for hers?
    Community Manager
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 371 Courageous
    @Adrian_Scope i don't think i got anyone that is Neutral to sit down with me and my mum . talking doesn't work . did ask both of two sister they no issue with dating and getting in relationship they want . just seem to me that get the hard end of sticks . my also has refuse other people help when i was having a melt down in Liverpool because if loud noise . 

  • MPowell_1991
    MPowell_1991 Community member Posts: 83 Courageous
    Hi @Splatmate24

    Thanks for reaching out about this important issue. 

    Whilst your mother has your best interests at heart (which of course is absolutely extremely natural) - I would perhaps talk with her about what it is exactly you are seeking from a relationship. 

    May I ask why you're against dating people with a learning disability (please feel free not to answer if you'd prefer - I'm just curious)

    Many people find that disability dating sites charge silly amounts of money (this was at least happening when I was dating) what platforms have you been using when seeking a relationship?
  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 371 Courageous
    @MPowell_1991. I already has talk to her about but she always refuse about how i express my feeling and the last thing she said was you not be able to date or be in relationships at all if you don't do if i ask . yep i even have silent treatment .  the other guys that i did have previous relationship that did have a learning disabilities some of them did cheated on me, lie and one become toxic . older guys with learning disability i met with some  men that were players . i don't have a good experince with men with learning disabilities . yep even my mum always comes with me when comes first date/meetup . is never ending this type of arguing each time that i mention and always seem to get mum more mads each times .  some older men that has learning disabilities were also to pushy and kept asking me out to be their girlfriends before we even metup with them and yes, i did rejected  and blocked . my mum will not let me to date men without a learning disabilities but i don't men that have a learning disabilities to be abuse,verbal abuse . my said same thing with men without learning  disabilities can be abuse, verbal abuse and still refuse to listen to me when i do express my feeling .

  • MPowell_1991
    MPowell_1991 Community member Posts: 83 Courageous
    @Splatmate24 unfortunately it's a difficult situation. I can only express sympathy with how frustrating it must be. 

    Relationships take time to build so it's important not to rush things. Just keep being patient and I'm sure you will be just fine. 

    I'm always happy to message if you need someone to talk too. I know people in similar situations so you are not alone. 
  • surfygoose
    surfygoose Community member Posts: 426 Pioneering
    It took me a long time to find the right person but sometimes it just happens you find the right one. 


Complete our feedback form and tell us how we can make the community better.