To what extent can health issues or disabilities be used to excuse bad behaviour?
I thought this could be an interesting topic. It is something that has been on my mind quite a bit.
Without wanting to disclose too much, I have some experience of this as I have family members who exhibit bad behaviour - ranging from slight rudeness to full-on abuse. This behaviour is regularly put down to health problems but I sometimes wonder two things:
one - whether this is right, and,
two - if it is justified, is there a limit point where using health problems as justification for bad behaviour runs out?
I really try hard to understand both sides of the argument. One of my relatives is in constant pain and always seems angry. They are regularly “snappy” and critical of others, even when they are trying to help. Another relative has addiction issues and when under the influence can become abusive to the point where, although it didn’t happen, calls to police would have been justified. Again this is put down as a mental health issue and no “punishment” is given.
I don’t like to self-praise but I am never angry or rude in real life despite all of my (mental) health issues. With that said, I have never been in long term physical pain so I can’t say for certain that being in pain wouldn’t change my behaviour for the worse. It could well be that I would be a total animal if I was in pain!!
My conclusion tends to be maybe the odd snappy remark is forgivable but anything more, especially full-on abuse, cannot be excused by health conditions.
What are your views?
Comments
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That was my philosophy for a long time @woodbine but living with such people tends to make you more...not sure what the word is...tolerant of bad behaviour? I wish I didn't have to live with it though and do still have a lot of empathy with your opinion.1
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@66Mustang
I also have someone with MH and addiction issues in my family and I feel they use their MH as an excuse a lot off the time, I’m fed up with it and a lot off the times I think they know exactly what they are doing.But say they didn’t realise how cheeky and rude they had been.
Thats just how I feel been dealing with it for a long time.1 -
@Lou67 you are only human and they are family you are going to worry about them it's only natural however in certain circumstances you have to think
"should I have to subject myself to that kind of behaviour"
You can care and be there if and when they need you but always think about yourself and your wellbeing. Apologies if I'm talking out of place its just my thoughts.
I hope they sort themselves and things go back to how they should be for both you and @66Mustang.
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If I have a toothache or headache I can be snappy. That could last a day or two. I can only imagine what it's like to have pain, stomach, back, constant headaches for a long period of time.
In my opinion I think people with long term health issues should have a reason to complain. Imagine waking up with a flu like symptoms for months or years on end 😳
Some people just can't help it while ill.1 -
I'm in pain the moment I'm upright, but I try to never let it get me down, & do many different things to distract myself (such as reading books as you know!) I think you can be tolerant of bad behaviour, but that's not to say it's necessarily 'acceptable.' I also think that perhaps there's a time when we think 'enough is enough,' especially if it causes problems for others.Where I live there's a wonderful sense of community, & it was really peaceful & quiet until we got a new neighbour 3 years ago. To cut a long story short, this woman has alienated at least 7 households, the police involved with her eventually being arrested after a breach of a 6 month Acceptable Behaviour Contract.She obviously has mental health problems, as well as those related to alcohol abuse. I'm not alone however in wishing things were different, &, perhaps foolishly tried to engage with her in a friendly fashion (again) yesterday evening, just to be repeatedly yelled at to 'Stop talking to me,' & too much more.Strange to say their antisocial behaviour had stopped for the past month, which had included abusive & intimidating behaviour (including towards an 81 year old lovely lady), until I received my 4th lot of verbal abuse from them yesterday! Sorry to say I don't think I'll try to be friendly again; I won't let them intimidate me, but I don't want to go through any more upset with them.1
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I think illness should never be an excuse to absolve responsibility, however it adds context to the situation. I think @chiarieds puts it quite well, it's never acceptable, but it can be more tolerable if you understand the context and circumstances. If you know the person is not entirely able to control their emotions through no fault of their own etc.
But also as they say, there is a point. You shouldn't tolerate it to a point of detriment to your own wellbeing.0 -
I find myself getting very irritable sometimes when having the 'bad days' ... be it pain, frustration from not being able to do something I used to do or because of MH. I take myself away from the situation now, because I don't want to beat others with the stick I'm beating myself with
Been there, done that and got the t-shirt of taking things out on others because of myself. There's never an excuse. It could be family or strangers I didn't care. I was a really horrible person at times because I hated myself and wanted those who love me to hate me too
Unless someone has struggled with addiction, it's hard to understand the mindset of an addict, rationale goes out the window. In some ways I'm lucky to have lived both sides of the coin so can understand some of the thinking behind the bad decisions someone may make
That said, being under the influence is no defence in the eyes of the law, nor should it be for abusive or unreasonable behaviour. No matter what our problems, without being held accountable there's bedlam and anarchy
If we allow others to get away with bad behaviour etc ... we're condoning it, and reinforcing that it's okay ?2
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