Partners

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  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,248 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/945466#Comment_945466

    To have such a beautiful soul is unique you are always kind Curtis so gentle never apologise for this keep being you it's hard caring in such a harsh world if only everyone had your pure heart the world will a different place keep reaching for the stars 🌟

  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,361 Championing

    Someone has hurt my feelings and they never even apologised. I'm very offended because I didn't do anything wrong. I do feel cross about the situation. They haven't been on holiday long and the next thing I know there's upset. I'm fed up.

  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,723 Online Community Programme Lead
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/958196#Comment_958196

    I hope you've managed to resolve it with them @Strawberry1 and are feeling better today.

    Do you have anything planned for Christmas?

  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,361 Championing

    Things are quieter today @Adrian_Scope . Thank you. I am making Christmas dinner tomorrow been getting everything prepared. Wishing you a Merry Christmas. Thank you again. Apologies for my late response. Best wishes.

  • photojim
    photojim Online Community Member Posts: 53 Contributor

    Hi, I know how you feel. My partner can be like that, since my issues she had been distant and short with me. We aren't close in any way. Always here if you want to talk.

  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,361 Championing

    So sorry @photojim . My heart goes out to you . Thank you so much. I empathise with you. Sending kind blessings your way

  • photojim
    photojim Online Community Member Posts: 53 Contributor

    Thank you @Strawberry1 , that's so sweet

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 2,319 Championing
    edited January 2

    I think that my wife of 23 years, is planning on walking out on me

    She has been extremely offish for several weeks and everything is getting on top of her

    What should I do ?

    I cannot do anything myself - walking, communicating, cooking, cleaning, gardening etc are all impossible.

    May father is in his 90's so can't help

    I have no support at all

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Oh @Wibbles I'm so sorry. Could she just be under a lot of stress? I know the holidays can often be very tough on people, which can cause them to act out of sorts? Have you tried asking her?

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,253 Championing
    edited January 2

    Hi Wibbles, can you suggest or find some respite care for you both in the short term? It would give you both a rest and the space to think.

    I seem to remember that you visited your in-laws last year because they were unwell. This may be one cause of your wife's unhappiness.

    My mum was a carer and it was vital for her that my dad went into respite care from time to time.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 2,319 Championing
    edited January 2
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/961876#Comment_961876

    Yes, that is a major contributor to her unhappiness but theres more to it than that

    How do I even start to find respite care?

    Local authority.?

    We have too much savings to get it paid for

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,253 Championing
    edited January 2

    Thanks for replying, Wibbles. I imagine your local authority is the first port of call for approved centres, yes. I'm pretty sure my mum found their respite care through Headway, the Stroke Association.

    Obviously, I don't know your conditions but the organisations relevant to yours might know of suitable places for you. They may not be in the next town but they will know what care you need.

    I should add that my dad never wanted those little breaks but they were mainly for my mum's benefit. They managed a brief joint stay once but that didn't relieve her of responsibility and they returned exhausted from the travel.

    It really might be worth using some of your savings for this if you don't qualify for local authority funding. All praise to you for seeking support here. I'm sure your wife will be encouraged by your input at this difficult time.

    Christmas has that effect on families, doesn't it? Things often come to a head at this time of year.

  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,361 Championing

    So sorry to hear how things are for you @Wibbles . My heart goes out to you. It must be terribly stressful for you . I really hope you can get some support and I am so terribly sorry this is occurring. Glad you came here to talk about this . I really feel for you.

  • Kimmy87
    Kimmy87 Online Community Member Posts: 2,525 Championing

    If your savings mean you'd not qualify for local authority funding, then you can bypass them entirely and start talking to care agencies about your needs.

  • Marydoll5
    Marydoll5 Online Community Member Posts: 650 Championing

    As a carer myself @Wibbles for my partner I know its hard on the lead up to Christmas as there's so much extra to do and despite words of support from family noone weighs in to help.

    Your wife could be burnt out. Talking to each other is key. I found a few charities that gave online or courses you went to do things like candle making. I'm no good at crafts but even that couple of hours doing something for myself and talking to other adults really helped.

    Hope this suggestion helps. I'm thinking of you both.

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,253 Championing
    edited January 2

    Remember too that your GP is there to support you in times of crisis (if this feels like it might become one).

    Contact your GP if you are worried about yourself or your wife's ability to cope on her own.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 2,319 Championing

    The additional problem is that my wife's parents (aged 96 and 85) live over 160 miles away and we rarely get to see them due to both having medical needs - they are both on their last legs and whatever happens - one of them will be moving in with us - when the other dies - my wife cannot cope with just me - so what will happen when/if the inevitable happens ?

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 2,319 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/961897#Comment_961897

    Yes Headway are a good idea thanks for reminding me of them

    They helped me enormously 35 years ago when I had a head injury

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 2,319 Championing

    Had an email from my Local Authority contact - advising me to ask for another CARE ACT ASSESSMENT and my wife to apply for a CARERS ASSESSMENT….despite my having had an assessment last year and my wife refusing a carers assessment on the grounds that she will be tarred with that title!!

    This was in response to an email asking for an email address in case of a crisis/emergency. They are aware that i cannot speak on the phone but still won't supply me with a support email address!

    Not exactly helpful

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