Hitting issues

luce1994

Hello my girlfriends son has a chromosome deletion. He is 7 he can walk but is non verbal. He can communicate by doing certain signs and is very active! He can be quite a handful some days and it is very difficult.

I have two kids off my own what come and stay with us every weekend. One boy who is 3 and one girl who is 5. 

So the 7 year old keeps hitting the other two every single weekend and it’s really effecting me as I don’t want my kids coming to me every weekend to be hurt. I have tried to take on the father role as the 7 year olds dad is not there. Having said this when I tell him off my girlfriend is saying I’m being too harsh on him and he doesn’t understand because he is disabled . I am going the wrong way about it apparently, but I don’t see any other way to solve it.  We have had the same argument over and over again to the point I actually stay at my mums sometimes just to get away so the kids don’t get hurt . Plus it’s not fair to keep arguing around them. Obviously I don’t want this because I want to be a family but we can’t seem to come to common ground and sort the issue out and move on . We have had a neuro diversity team out who has said he does it for attention wether it be good or bad, attention is attention. I understand this but my point is , if he can learn to walk , learn to eat , learn to get dressed. Why can’t he learn to not hit?? 

My girlfriend thinks I’m being black and white about it but I can’t help think how i am about this. It’s causing a barrier between me and my girlfriend as we just argue over the kids. Am I being naive ? It’s my job to protect my children as a parents instinct and I don’t want them getting hurt and I can’t help but feel resentment towards the 7 year old and I feel so guilty about this. I just want to nip this in the bud and move on and become a close family again! Ive been in their lives for over 3 years now and im finding the older he is getting the worse it is becoming. He is only getting bigger and stronger. We are all really starting to struggle and I don’t know what else to do. 

Is there any help I can get to help me solve this situation ?

Maybe I need extra support as I have never had to deal with someone disabled Im just learning as I go  . Thankyou for your time hopefully someone can help me I don’t know what else to do! 

Albus_Scope

Hi there @luce1994 and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation, it must be very difficult for you all.  Can I just ask are you receiving any support from your GP, or similar for the child in question? 

I'm moving your post to a different category so more people in the know will be able to see it and hopefully offer some advice. 

luce1994

So my girlfriend has a big network around her . Not so much from the gp as they are hard to get hold off. But she gets help with other sources such as the school , restbite days etc 

Leigh14

luce1994 said:

So my girlfriend has a big network around her . Not so much from the gp as they are hard to get hold off. But she gets help with other sources such as the school , restbite days etc 

How does the school deal with the 7 year old hitting out? I assume if he is hitting at home then that behaviour is also occurring when he is in school too.

luce1994

So if he hits someone at school the teachers will try and distract him by getting him to come in a different direction and give him a “hi five”.

me and my girlfriend have spoke about this though and think it’s sort off praising him, this is why it maybe has gotten worse. She is trying to get a plan in place so when it happens we are all doing the same thing to tell him it’s not ok to do that . 

Leigh14

It’s great that your girlfriend is trying to get a plan in place. I agree about the high five, as that is something that is done when someone has done good. Really hope you can both get it sorted. With effort, time and persistence I’m sure it will get resolved.