PIP Tribunal
Hello community
I have my PIP tribunal on 6th November which was already postponed since July and the claim started back in June 2021 so there is a lot riding on this day. I haven't really prepared myself in any way much since getting the letter a week ago now.
I got LCWRA at the end of July this year (which I really was somewhat shocked - because of so many stories of the other decision happening).
My reason for applying for PIP is because of my mental and social difficulties. I was statemented, SEND, throughout my childhood up to 17.
I had a lot of difficulties early in life (I've seen my medical records on this). I could barely talk coherently until 5 years old apparently.
I developed very poor behavioural problems early on and ended up going to a special school at the back end of Year 1 and was 'integrated slowly' into mainstream during Year 3 through 5. I was in mainstream permanently from last few months of Year 5 and all of Year 6 (although I always had a personal support assistent with me throughout).
I went back to special school from Year 7 through to Year 12 (special school for moderate/high learning difficulties). To this day I still really hate myself for not being braver and going to a mainstream secondary school. I never made any friends or felt like I really belonged at my special school. I obviously have difficulties but I always felt irrespective of my autism, I would have managed in the end, and may have been more confident and able to develop more competent social skills compared to the regressive option of going to another special school where at the time I almost felt an inner anger at myself. I felt like I never belonged there and that the rest of my childhood/youth was basically destroyed. I was often accused by my step dad and mum to lesser extent of thinking I was "better than everyone else" or something to explain why I had no friends there.
On my own terms decided to go to a mainstream college for two years before getting a part time job at ASDA in 2011.
My last school wanted me to residential special college but I wanted to in my own mind, to run away, metaphorically, and be my own person and feel more normal. I felt like I'd had enough of my then school and life there (the sixth form felt like even more a regressive thing and like I was surrounded by naughty primary school children - it was sending me crazy - the only remotely worthwhile thing being DOE Bromze award that last year).
I've always been very embarrassed and annoyed with my own condition/s and tried hard to be more normal basically.
I'm not sure how much damage was done to me physiologically by going to that special school in secondary or indeed my chaotic primary school years. I almost feel like at the moment I am experiencing some form of PTSD but I certainly don't know as I'm not a doctor, but every day I think about the past and even cry to myself about all of it.
I've never 'liked' medication so it's never been a thing in my life. I won't even take paracetamol tablets. I think the evidence is pretty strong about my difficulties in my early years. I mean being expelled and going to a special school for behavioural difficulties at age 6 and a half is a quite bad start in life I'd say. I had very heavy support all through my early years going forward after that and was always a very, very anxious person. 9/11 attacks for example was an especially difficult time for me as my parents wanted to take me on holidays during that time and I was scared of planes and even the sound/appearance of a plane in the sky would send me into a panic. Almost as if I was reincarnated from a guy who experienced the Blitz in WW2 and honestly who knows? I still remember feeling genuine terror of anything 'plane' or sound of them.
Anyway... during my recent life, I've tried to be as independent as possible I suppose but in recent years my anxiety as really rocketed up, my sense of dread of the future increased, unable to hold down any jobs, unable to drive, unable to make friends/etc, the flimsy floorboards of my life have basically collapsed quite catastrophically recently. I have tried to use exercise as my medication control my anxiety but I think at this point I've just felt consumed by this problem. This is why I mention PTSD because I feel right or wrongly traumatised by my past and I tried to numb this pain for a while in early and mid 20s. I deliberately went into my own shell and make zero effort to try to meet people, or stay in education in some way.
I call it the 7 year 'calm nothingness spell' - I lived with mum/step dad, cycled to and back from my little early morning part time job, walked the dog (for miles) everyday, cycled everywhere (which was good because I was as fit as Ive ever been and felt better for it) and watched TV in evening sort of thing. But I disengaged. Now I am totally alone and feel like I'm in real trouble. Even normal guys with any difficulties are going to find socialising and meeting people more difficult in their 30s than me. Right now I am in a horrible situation. I don't work and haven't been employed since last year now. My health is deteriorating, my fitness is decling over time and my self esteem is going totally into the mud with it. At this point I feel lazy and really unattractive, I have bags under my eyes which is not a great look I'd say.
I just wanted to give a flavor of my life.
I know if I don't attend they'll almost certainly rule in DWPs favour I'd probably guess. Although to be honest I'm really not sure. The fact I ended up getting LCWRA gives me some more hope.
I want to work in some capacity again. Being housebound and how I am right now is literally sending me on a dark path. I feel like I'm possibly on the road to death. It's not good. I am ashamed of myself and a number of years totally outside the welfare system and feeling at least self respecting of myself that I have got this (my life).
I do have some questions..
Is there any connection between LCWRA and PIP. Would being turned down at tribunal for PIP mean DWP will then try to quickly use this outcome to reassess me on LCWRA ASAP? This is definitely something that's scaring me slightly. I know obviously they will reassess me very likely by about July next year. My thinking is they'll be contacting me about this anytime from around January 2024 and I've mentally got that date in mind. Is there any possibility PIP has any bearing on the LCWRA? Would they even attempt to try to reverse the original decision? I've heard some horror stories of DWP trying to reverse these sorts of decisions and therefore demanding a lot of money that I received.
Will I be able to fight this tribunal on my own or should I prepare to be disappointed? Do the tribunal team, team up with DWP person, to turn against me? Or put another way will being on my own count against me?
I won't lie - I am extremely nervous - and I feel a heavy weight about the day. I've seen the backpayI'll get if I win my case and that money will make a massive difference to me in the short to medium term. I also can't help but feel that I would be vindicated in my problems. The fact that I really am not lazy or something and that I do have these problems and that others see that too. The fact I'm listened to and that I deserve some help and to be lifted up for a change.
This is probably the biggest day of my life so far. I am so nervous about it. And of course I am fearing the worst inside. I know that I will end up mumbling gibberish to the tribunal and will provably make a right mess of it! That's my worry, that I'll be dismissed and being on my own they'll try to automatically side with DWP and take advantage of my weakness so to speak.
I'll feedback my outcome next week.