What to do...

Autism_at_40

Hello,
The person I was seeing has since said he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me, but is still talking to me.

I am trying to keep myself distracted, but I just can't seem to find anything to keep me from getting upset.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can try and do or any comforting words please?

Thanks

Kimmy87

I'm really sorry that you are going through this- it is a very normal way to feel.

Sometimes letting yourself feeling those feelings can be therapeutic, acknowledge them and work through them.
Do you have friends/family that can help you through this? 

I went through a break up 6 months ago, at the time I thought all kinds of negative thoughts, yet here I am 6 months later perusing other interests and happier than I've ever been.

I found spending time with others and doing things that made me happy- even something as small as having a treat once a day- really helped. As the days went on it got easier to deal with. 

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @Autism_at_40

I am so sorry this has made you upset. I think it is fair for you to say, that it is ok if they don't know what they want but that if they need the space to figure it out, you would need that space too. 

I think that space would give you not only time to have a think, but take time for self care

Autism_at_40

Kimmy87 said:

I'm really sorry that you are going through this- it is a very normal way to feel.

Sometimes letting yourself feeling those feelings can be therapeutic, acknowledge them and work through them.
Do you have friends/family that can help you through this? 

I went through a break up 6 months ago, at the time I thought all kinds of negative thoughts, yet here I am 6 months later perusing other interests and happier than I've ever been.

I found spending time with others and doing things that made me happy- even something as small as having a treat once a day- really helped. As the days went on it got easier to deal with. 

Thanks, I appreciate it.

I have been trying to feel the feelings, but I also couldn't seem to do anything that would make me feel better..

Doesn't matter now anyway.. I'm in the friend zone at the moment, but we were on video all evening, so I dunno... I realised that I felt like I had put him on a pedestal in my mind.. If it ended now, I don't think I would be as bothered.. 

Autism_at_40

Hannah_Scope said:

Hello @Autism_at_40

I am so sorry this has made you upset. I think it is fair for you to say, that it is ok if they don't know what they want but that if they need the space to figure it out, you would need that space too. 

I think that space would give you not only time to have a think, but take time for self care

I know.. time and space.. but I dunno.. it felt different yesterday and I don't feel as attached.. so I think I am ok for now.. we'll see...  Thank you for your kind words.

Hannah_Alumni

That's good in a way. Sometimes when we are upset, feelings can be too overwhelming. If you need any support, you know where to find us  

Albus_Scope

Sorry to hear about this @Autism_at_40, it can be especially hard for people on the spectrum but it sounds like you're trying to do all the right things now.

  Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is fairly common with us autistic (and commonly ADHD) folk, so this kind of situation tends to hit us a bit harder. It's worth reading up on here if you haven't already.  But as Hannah has said, a bit of distance and time is a good call. 

Autism_at_40

Albus_Scope said:

Sorry to hear about this @Autism_at_40, it can be especially hard for people on the spectrum but it sounds like you're trying to do all the right things now.

  Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is fairly common with us autistic (and commonly ADHD) folk, so this kind of situation tends to hit us a bit harder. It's worth reading up on here if you haven't already.  But as Hannah has said, a bit of distance and time is a good call. 

Thanks.  I have literally only just found out about RSD as I just did an Autism course on relationships etc with a local Neurodiverse charity.  But I should learn more.

Not getting much space though, he messaged me again this morning.. lol

WhatThe

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is fairly common with us autistic (and commonly ADHD) folk

Albus, a little surprised that I'd never heard of this so thank you. It certainly fits my behaviour and that of my dad's. Perfectionists we were called.    

Autism_at_40

Ugh, I feel rubbish again.. 

Maybe I should take that time out after all... 

Albus_Scope

@WhatThe It was a game changer when I found out about it. So many things make more sense!  But that's a normal thing for us late diagnosed folk right? Haha.

@Autism_at_40 I'm sorry your mood has crashed, just do what you need to do.  Time outs are often a good thing.  Expecting just to carry on as normal after that bombshell seems very counter productive. 

flick79

Autism_at_40 

Hi, i am really sorry to hear about your problem something similar happened to me 4 yrs ago, in nov 2019 i collapsed in front of my ex husband i was rushed to Calderdale hospital in Halifax where i had a brain scan and that's when they found out i had a brain injury due to an illness that i wasn't even aware that i had it's called wernicke encephalopathy sadly i am wheelchair bound my ex husband walked away from me and our marriage 2 months after i was rushed into hospital x

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @flick79

Welcome to the community I am so sorry to hear your health took such a turn. I wanted to check in that you have support around you?