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Family has been speaking behind my back while I was unemployed

LilyNichole081108 Community member Posts: 2 Connected
6 months ago, I had to leave my job due to how badly my disabilities were effecting me. This was a difficult decision, but for the past 6 months I have been job searching everyday for a job that would be more suitable for my needs due to my disability.

Ideally, I need a job where I could work remotely if I were having issues. I previously worked in secondary education and if I was ill, I couldn’t teach a class remotely.

I’m quite keen on working in a student support role and so I started looking for jobs in higher education where more are available. A lot of them are also at least hybrid job roles, so if I’m having difficulty one day. I don’t have to automatically ring in sick.

On Wednesday, after 6 months of applying for jobs everyday I finally got a job offer and I start in January. It is also the exact role I want to. While I wanted to work in student support, I applied for other roles in the higher education sector to build relevant experience and widen my chances of landing a job.

I met with my Mum yesterday and she is at least really proud of me. She works in retail and fully appreciates why I couldn’t work in a shop.

This sadly doesn’t seem to be the case with one of my sisters, my aunt and my Grandad though. They have apparently been speaking behind my back and saying that I should have just taken a job at a Tesco. They reckon I could stock shelves or at the very least work at a till.

I have a mobility issue and a physical disability that would make those tasks either impossible or extremely difficult. And then my disability that causes me to ring in sick a lot, is the fact I have severe brittle asthma. I can’t stock shelves or work a till remotely.

And it kinda irritates me that they have dismissed the hard work I have done the past 6 months. Like when I told my Grandad I got this job, he was happy for me but followed it up with the “you could have got a job sooner if you’d had been willing to work in a shop.”

When I expressed how my disabilities made that not doable he just dismissed it and told me how back in his day, I would have had to work or die. As if that is a time we should be aspiring to where the disabled were put in that position.

Also, I should note every university I have interviewed at has been in a hiring freeze. Despite this I was getting multiple interviews a month and after only 6 months, which as I understand it is the tail end of the average time it takes to find a job, I landed a job offer.

I don’t expect a parade for finding a job but I do hate seeing the work I put in to get one being dismissed cos I could have supposedly got a job quicker by taking on a job I literally can’t do due to my disabilities.

Sorry for the rant. I really just needed to vent.

On the upside though, I start my new job on the 22nd January.


  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,603 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2023
    I would say, does it matter what they think?

    Their opinions are formed from a position of ignorance and inexperience and so I would say have little meaning.

    Almost akin to a blind person telling you that you are ugly, if that makes sense?

    That said I do realise it's not that easy, know how it is, we value our relatives so we allow their opinions value as well ... if it was a person on the street saying the same thing we'd just laugh and forget about their opinion ... I have relatives who can't relate to my issues and just dismiss them, and it affects me as well.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 54,694 Disability Gamechanger
    @LilyNichole081108 hi there, other people don't understand our disabilities like we do, I've had same from family in the past, well you could do this job or that job. Without taking consideration how. None of those they were saying would work out for me. Otherwise I would be doing it. 

    A huge congratulations on your new job and I hope it all works out for you. 

  • Jimm_Scope
    Jimm_Scope Posts: 3,249 Scope online community team
    Hey @LilyNichole081108, I'm sorry some of your family reacted that way. I'm glad your mum is at least very supportive of you.

    I think this might be two-fold? First of all, many people just seem to lack empathy or understanding for disabled people. It's quite sad how common it is, people just struggle to understand what being disabled is like. Many know what being ill is like, but being temporarily ill for a week is quite different to being disabled.

    Another thing perhaps, people can be quite jealous sometimes. Not sure if this is what those members of your family are like, but I'm just considering why they might have reacted that way. You've reached for and found a job you wanted. Are the others in jobs they enjoy/aimed for or did they "settle for a job"? 

    I'm glad you got a job that you're looking forward to. You chose what was important for you and for your wellbeing in the long run. If someone thinks you shouldn't have done that then I don't think they're worth listening to. I know it's hard when it's family, but sometimes family just aren't nice people unfortunately.

    Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, I hope the job goes great!
    They/Them, however they are no wrong pronouns with me so whatever you feel most comfortable with
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    Opinions are my own, such as mashed potato being bad.
  • Beaver79
    Beaver79 Community member Posts: 23,845 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @LilyNichole081108 Great news, well done. Good luck for the 22 January 2024 let us know how you get on. Take care.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,000 Disability Gamechanger
    @LilyNichole081108 well done you on finding a job that sounds suitable, as for your grandads comment, ignore it we have had a welfare state now for 76 years so unless he's over 90 he's not making any sense.
    And have a great Christmas
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • Ada
    Ada Scope Member Posts: 16,456 Disability Gamechanger
    Be proud hold your head up high. What you have achieved is truly marvellous. 
    Ada x
    THE_DUDE Community member Posts: 223 Pioneering
    Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.

    Could have just been an innocent conversation. 

    Congrats on the job 
  • mrdavidw
    mrdavidw Community member Posts: 14 Connected
    You have shown a lot of resilience and determination in your job search. You have not given up on your goals. You have done an amazing job, and you have nothing to apologize for.
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