Help needed please! New single parent with chronic fatigue

Beccy75

Hi everyone. I'm new here and am about to become a single parent to a 6 and 8 year old. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and my husband is my carer. I don't want him to continue doing this, even though he says he will, as there are major trust issues and I am scared that as soon as he finds someone else then he will stop helping me. I also don't feel this allows me to move on with my life and I don't think it's right that this is my only choice. Even with the best will in the world I wouldn't be able to look after the children, keep the house running and look after 2 dogs, 2 guinea pigs, a bird and a rabbit! I have phoned adult social care in my area and they won't even access me for a carer. I know they would only help with my personal care but at least that would be a start. I have phoned scope, advocacy services, cab etc and all I'm ever told is there is a cut back on resources. I am so very exasperated by the lack of help. Can anyone help please, thanks 😊 

chiarieds

Hi @Beccy75 - & welcome to the community. I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself currently in on top of having ME/CFS. Would it be possible for your husband to look after the dogs, or would that be too difficult for you &/or your children?

I wonder if you asked for a care needs assessment (tho not an immediate fix, it could be worth it in the long run) that that would help. There's a link to self refer for one here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/help-from-social-services-and-charities/getting-a-needs-assessment/

Have you tried VoiceAbility as advocates (tho unfortunately they're not in all areas)? https://www.voiceability.org/   

Can you ask your GP for help, support & advice?

Beccy75

Hi, thankyou for your reply. Although a good idea, it wouldn't be possible for him to have the dogs as the children would be devastated and I don't want to cause them anymore hurt. Plus he is telling me he is moving into a shared house so they wouldn't accept pets. I will look into the links today. I have already contacted voice ability and the contact they gave me for my local area said they couldn't help. Like I said, I just keep getting told it's to do with cutbacks and there is no help. In regards to my gp, she clearly doesn't believe in what I have from previous conversations I have had with her about my illness and how it affects me. She has told me to just push through the pain and exhaustion, so really not helpful. Thankyou for trying to help though, I do appreciate it. 

bookrabbit

I really feel for you as I know from personal experience how difficult that is. When I asked for help I didn't get it and it has directly led to the terrible situation I am currently in because I made the mistake of moving back in with my mother, giving up my council house and am now facing homelessness. I definitely advise against doing that. 
I completely understand not wanting to accept help from your soon to be ex. I couldn't trust mine either. But he never actually had any help to offer anyway as he lives abroad and had very little contact with the children.

Kimmy87

I would recommend contacting the ME Association for advice, they also have a directory of local support groups.

https://meassociation.org.uk/me-connect/

https://meassociation.org.uk/local-support-groups/



I know you mentioned CAB but perhaps DAB (Disability Advice Bureau) might be worth a try too? 

Beccy75

Hi book rabbit, thankyou for your empathy and I'm also sorry your in the situation you are in. I am in a council house, which I will definitely be staying in as it's also adapted with stair lift etc. Unfortunately it is a joint tenancy and it causes many problems if one of us comes off the tenancy. The council advise going to court but obviously this is very costly and time consuming and I just don't think I can deal with all that. Yes, absolutely, and I don't accept that my only option is to have him keep the caring role, why should I be forced into that situation? I do wish you all the best 

Beccy75

H8 Kimmy 87, thankyou very much, I will look at the links now. I  didn't know dab existed so thankyou for the information