I'm struggling to care for my partner and I've ended up cluttering the house.

System

This discussion was created from comments split from: What’s the last thing you bought online?.

Marydoll5

Hello everyone 
I actually am ashamed to admit that I have a problem with online shopping. I started to order stuff when my partner was in hospital for 9 weeks this summer. Didn't need it or open the packages. I have mobility problems and it made me feel connected to the outside world. 

It has happened again. I'm struggling to care for my partner and I've ended up cluttering the house. I broke down a few days ago. 
He was an alcoholic, sober 7 months but has cirrhosis. Needs brain surgery to repair a fistula and then his back went too.

I'm waiting on a carer assessment as noone else to help us or willing to. I was doing brilliant then this happened and I am really down, hiding from the world, not caring for either of us.

Sorry for long post...just saw question and it struck a chord. I need to get motivation back quick and don't know how 

Albus_Scope

Hi @Marydoll5, I hope you're ok.

I just wanted to let you know I've created a new thread regarding your issues, as I feel it deserves to be seen all by itself, I hope that's ok?

Can I just ask if you have anyone there for support? A GP, friends or family? 

Marydoll5

Family have left me to it. My partner has a son who doesn't help. My son lives in England and phones me a lot and when he comes over really helps practically and emotionally. Our health system is crumbling so no help there.

I feel so ashamed and weak. I have just stopped functioning properly and need to get better quick.

My cpn took 5 months to arrange carers assessment as she used appointments to tell me how overloaded with work and dissatisfied with her job she was and I hadn't strength to ask the assessment to be a priority. They are overworked. There's now a waiting list for the assessment. 

What's annoying is I was coping from my partner got out of hospital late August and I don't know why I've crumbled now. I always suffered from severe depression but it is crippling me and its not fair on my partner but I can't do anything 

Albus_Scope

Please don't feel ashamed, that's a lot to deal with for one person and there's no issue at all in asking for some support, our personal strength can only carry us so far.  But I'm glad to hear your son is there for you, that must be lovely for you. 

 So can I just ask where abouts you're based? Just a rough geographic location.  I just want to see how I'd be able to help.

Sandy_123

Hi @Marydoll5 welcome to the forum, I'm sorry to read about situation. It sounds like everything is on top of you at the moment. You've come to the right place to be getting support. Everyone here is friendly and always someone to talk to and advise. 
Would you be able to ring your cpn and ask about the assessment and tell them that your  not coping very well. It might speed it up. I've put a link below with more information for you, I hope you find it useful 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/help-from-social-services-and-charities/getting-a-needs-assessment/#:~:text=Contact social services at your,them or do it online.

Also join in on the site it's a great way to make virtual friendships and a distraction too. 

Marydoll5

Albus I'm in Northern Ireland. Sandy thanks for link. I came on here in case anyone could advise me.

It's a strange situation where I have become the carer where we muddled along together before. 

I hate this where I shut down completely. I've not eaten all day but have put on a dinner just now. I just stayed in bed all day.

My partner deserves better and there are loads of people worse off than me . It's like this black cloud comes over and I can't function 😪 

Sandy_123

Might be worth talking to your gp maybe they can look at your meds or prescribe different ones. I'm glad you've put some food on hopefully you will eat some as you need your physical strength

Beaver79

Hello @Marydoll5 I am so sorry you are finding everything so difficult at the moment. Being a carer can be very challenging, but you need to find some time for yourself, even 15 minutes just for you. Would it be possible for you to either phone your GP or have a face to face appointment. He is there to help you. The on line shopping is your way of coping with it all. You are doing your best you need some help now. Take care.   

Marydoll5

I pushed myself and its one positive thing for today. 

Meds review by pschichiatrist needs done but cpn hasn't arranged it.

How does anyone lift themselves from feeling like this?

Thanks for listening 

woodbine

Could you speak to your CPN's manager and tell them you are not happy and feel left behind. sorry I have no pearls of wisdom but couldn't read and run, hope things getter better for you.

Marydoll5

Thanks woodbine that's something I didn't think to do. 
I'll have to dig deep and get going again.