Hi, my name is veryanxious! Worried about surgery.

veryanxious

Hi folks, having thoracic disc removal tomorrow as have spinal cord compression and the symptoms are worsening. Am utterly and absolutely terrified of the surgery. Am convinced I will die during the surgery; have a heart attack, stoke, among other awful things. The surgery is for 6-8 hours,  prone position. What if they won't know I've woken up (eyes will be taped and padded, my arms will be strapped down,will have a breathing tube in so won't be able to speak and will be face down, (risk of blindness as well)? What if I stop breathing- especially as I'll be face down and might be pushing on the breathing tube, but they are so busy checking the needles they will be attaching for electrical feedback from my spine and don't realise? What if I have clotting as they won't give me medication during or for days after as they said the risk of bleeding out is high. 6-8 hours is so risky. I'm 41,  a bit chubby  as the surgeon liked to say,. stopped smoking 3 weeks ago, but smoker prior female and luckily never had surgery before. I am terrified! I can't sleep, have panic attacks, can't stop crying. I think it's all happened so fast as they found massive disc herniation at T10-T11 among others in the thoracic area. I've got all the the red flags of numbness, unstable walking, flares of horrendous sciatica and camt bend or lift my leg in certain ways. The surgeon said even with surgery I won't ever be better than this, may be in more pain, there is danger the surgery will cause instant paralysis, yet if I don't have it I'll likely end up paralysed soon anyway. I feel so guilty as they have worked hard to get me in quickly, but I also feel a bit rushed and did I mention terrified..it's at 7 tomorrow. I don't think I can do it. Many many thanks for any help/support. X

veryanxious

Sorry *during and prone , blooming keyboard thumbs 

veryanxious

Thank you so much Beaver79. Very glad you're feeling much better. I think it's the length of the surgery also, I known that the longest under the greateerthe risk. Take care 

Sandy_123

Hi @veryanxious good luck with  your surgery tomorrow. You will have all monitors on and will be checked all through the procedure. It's very easy to get worked up before an op. But you got this and the drs definately got you. Let us know how you get on

veryanxious

Hi Sandy123, thank you, appreciate your positive comment, it does help  having real time response rather than doom scrolling through Reddit. Positive thinking I can message in here when I'm out the other side..

Sandy_123

Yes let us know and then recovery after 

Adrian_Scope

Hello @veryanxious

I haven't been in your position but know many people who have undergone serious surgeries and I think they would all say how you're feeling is completely normal. It's really important to be able to share your fear and worries, so it's good you can express them. 

When you arrive in the morning, it might be a good idea to speak about some of your concerns to the staff taking care of you. They will be able to answer some of your questions and their safety measure and how they monitor you during surgery. Being informed might help alleviate some of the anxiety. Remember the team looking after you will all be highly skilled, very experienced and your well-being will be their top priority

Sending you strength and positive thoughts. If you feel comfortable, we'd love to hear how you get on and hear from you when you come out the other side  

veryanxious

Hello Adrian, thank you so much for commenting, I think that's a good thought. I'll write down the fears as questions and hope I can at least speak to the anaesthetist to try to get them answered and get reassurance. I just can't shake the feeling of doom and thinking I'm putting myself in potentially a fatal position. The surgeon himself said I was between the devil and the deep blue sea. I am trying (very hard) to be positive and think that I need to be brave for future me and my other half so that we can lead a normalife and that I won't in a month, two month's maybe six months be paralysed with them emergency surgery needed with little hope to walk again. This is my best chance to preserve the level I have now. Take care 

veryanxious

Thank you all for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it. 

Sandy_123

Your very welcome and good luck

chiarieds

You're neurosurgeon has weighed up the 'pros' & 'cons,' which I'm sure they will have tried their best to explain to you. All surgery carries risk, which they have to say, but that's not to mean it's remotely likely that anything untoward would happen. 

The anaesthetist is also an important part of your team, &, as others have said will monitor your breathing, blood pressure & heart rate to keep you entirely safe.

No surgery is necessarily easy for the patient, but you've got those who know you best (medically speaking) looking after you, & you couldn't be in better hands. I look forward to hearing from you soon, if you'd be so kind.

veryanxious

Chiarieds, many thanks. I'm here wide awake having to be up in 3 hours. I'm trying so hard to be logical and brave, my tears betray me though. I thank you for what you said, I am determined to see it through and yes I'll be so happy when I come out the other side and will post in here. 

chiarieds

I know it's not easy, but as a long-retired physio, I've been there seeing patients once out of surgery. I've also been a patient, so on the other side so to speak a few years ago, when I had a few concerns of my own. You'll be back on the ward before you know it; you'll be fine, trust that.

Dawnie1610

I hope it all goes well for you. I have had two surgeries on my spine, a cervical spinal fusion and a discectomy. I was also anxious before each surgery but can honestly say they were the best things I have had done, my spinal fusion resulted in me being without pain in my arm for the first time in years. 

veryanxious

Can I first and formost thank you for your response, care, positively and willingness to be open. It meant a lot. I'm currently still awake not a second of sleep unless you could the MASSIVE 9 HOUR spinal cord decompresion that the am currently in HDU for. Attached to a lot of stuff even cleg cuffs to pump my blood around as we'lo.as all the  paraphernalia. I am utterly,, utterly so thankful to be alive. From what I can remember I couldn't thanke everyone enough. They could not believe how lucid and awake I was. I haven't yet slept, they are trying everything to get me to. They keep insisting I paid the morphine I resisted for2 and half hours. Still trying to get me to sleep. I had a full breakdown in the waiting area, whole surgical came, and I mean everyone to to reassure me. They were amazing, I was still petrified, but them. Having all my questions written down was a very good idea. It felt surreal, let me tell you. I didn't want pre meds, I  wanted to be awake when all canulas were going in , they respected mein both respects, but explained that the needles were very big and pain registration affects dose of anesthesia which in case of my fear increased risk albeit to still safe levells. I could write volumes, but unimportant. Every
Person was incredible. Xx

Sandy_123

How are you now @veryanxious its good to see you keeping us all updated etc

chiarieds

So good to hear from you @veryanxious - & of course you had a wonderful team looking after you. Thank you so much for the update, now please give in & sleep; a natural sleep will do you so much good

Lou67

@veryanxious
Hi it’s great your surgery is over and I hope you are having a good sleep now. Take care.

 Goodnight ❤️

Albus_Scope

I'm so glad the surgery went well @veryanxious, that's great news. And we're all here if you need to chat whilst you recover.  

(sorry for the bad tag! Fixed!)

veryanxious

Thank you all so much. Out of HDU and on spinal ward. Been a bit brutal regarding pain and I'm bruised head to toe, but getting there. Even in the state I'm in the surgeon thinks my walking has improved from when I went in to surgery. So some rest, some physio some more of the special painkillers and a pain plan for home, hopefully be up and about and back to work in a few months. 

chiarieds

This sounds very positive @veryanxious - wishing you a good recovery.