why do a large proportion of abled women think men in wheelchairs never think of.... You know 😜

wandering_chris

Hi All,

Why do abled women largely see us as non-sexual and pure innocent?

Just wanted to ask, where does this stereotype come from? Abled folks who work with disabled people for the most part don't think that.

However, my pet peeve is when people think we don't joke, screw around, and cuss like everyone else. I mean I may be in a chair, but I've had a life on the risky side, to say the least!

That's before we get to dating, every abled woman thinks disabled guys are just an angel's halo light amplified.... Til a certain word starting with "s" is mentioned and their ideas of you being "cute" go out the window, and it's "oh s***, he thinks like a bloke whose legs work!"

Do they think our reproductive organs drop off when the doctors diagnose CP? FFS! I mean there are some good open-minded abled people but I'm talking about the ones who fell for all the pity propaganda. I know good able-bodied women, so this is no slur or slight, just why is this?

A friend says it's because they see us as non-threatening, what do you think?

chiarieds

Hi @wandering_chris - I think this works both ways, i.e. whether you're male or female; it's a misconception that some disabled people simply won't think about having an intimate relationship, never mind have one, possibly definitely not those in a wheelchair!

I'm probably one of those who did originally work with disabled people (in at the time the region's spinal injury unit). I remember a paraplegic, who was a couple of years younger than myself, asking if he'd ever be able to have sex with his girlfriend again. I realised this was an important question for him, & sought answers. I'm pleased that at least he felt able to ask me about this; a question he hadn't felt able to ask his Drs.

There are sadly so many misconceptions about disabled people, & the fact that some think you become asexual (if that's the right word) due to a spinal cord injury, or are asexual due to a disability is one of them. I also saw this in a large mental health hospital where it was thought dreadful that 2 people with Down's syndrome had had an intimate relatrionship...why? This was a long time ago, but still some aspects of a complete lack of understanding remain about disability. This is something Scope hopes to continue to educate about.

I hope you & your friend are otherwise doing well.

Hannah_Alumni

It's a really interesting discussion topic and one that I have had with friends since my diagnosis and surgeries.

I have a stoma and I am very open about that. When I was looking to date, I would say just so you know, I have a stoma. And the first question, without a doubt, was "Can you still have sex?" *facepalm*

So, I agree with Chiarieds that it can be both ways. 

I don't like the idea that disabled people can be seen as "nonthreatening". I have a baseball bat in my umbrella stand!

wandering_chris

chiarieds said:

Hi @wandering_chris - I think this works both ways, i.e. whether you're male or female; it's a misconception that some disabled people simply won't think about having an intimate relationship, never mind have one, possibly definitely not those in a wheelchair!

I'm probably one of those who did originally work with disabled people (in at the time the region's spinal injury unit). I remember a paraplegic, who was a couple of years younger than myself, asking if he'd ever be able to have sex with his girlfriend again. I realised this was an important question for him, & sought answers. I'm pleased that at least he felt able to ask me about this; a question he hadn't felt able to ask his Drs.

There are sadly so many misconceptions about disabled people, & the fact that some think you become asexual (if that's the right word) due to a spinal cord injury, or are asexual due to a disability is one of them. I also saw this in a large mental health hospital where it was thought dreadful that 2 people with Down's syndrome had had an intimate relatrionship...why? This was a long time ago, but still some aspects of a complete lack of understanding remain about disability. This is something Scope hopes to continue to educate about.

I hope you & your friend are otherwise doing well.

we're getting through and supporting eachother

wandering_chris

Hannah_Scope said:

It's a really interesting discussion topic and one that I have had with friends since my diagnosis and surgeries.

I have a stoma and I am very open about that. When I was looking to date, I would say just so you know, I have a stoma. And the first question, without a doubt, was "Can you still have sex?" *facepalm*

So, I agree with Chiarieds that it can be both ways. 

I don't like the idea that disabled people can be seen as "nonthreatening". I have a baseball bat in my umbrella stand!

I think my friend meant nonthreatening from a guy standpoint so to speak