How can I approach a guy I'm attracted to after having a bad experience with my exboyfriends?

Splatmate24

I'm maybe attracted to one guy that I saw one time when I was at adult gaming in April on Thursday. I was playing a video game called just dance but didn't noctied until after he was right next to me. Then I did see the guy and did noicted the guy to me. I did try to say hello. I didn't get much chance since I went on holiday / vacation. Now that I'm back from holiday / vacation. Did say bye to that one guy. Did say bye back to me. I still wanted to talk to one guy more but didn't have much time since carpark in limited time spot. Last Thursday wasn't there this time and was trying to talk to different people. I had a bad experience with some previous relationships with some men. I know not all men are like that. Just some can be bad men but other men can be real good men. Do you have any advice on how to approach one guy that I may be attracted to but had a bad experience with in my previous relationship?

Splatmate24

Biblioklept i had multiple bad experience so far with previous ex bfs . not the one that i'm might be attracted to not be a bad experience yet . 

66Mustang

I think its lovely what you say that you still have hope for finding someone different because it's sad when people say everyone is the same even though it's an understandable reaction

Did the people you have met before have anything in common??

Like, if you were attracted to them all because of their looks, maybe that's a sign something was wrong and you need to have some deeper connection

Not trying to impose my own standards on you but just an idea to think about!!

Splatmate24

@66Mustang yep I did get to know to previous ex bf but they still ended leaving me or being cheated on . even I was attracted to them I will get to know and hasn't gone anywhere. Part from previous experience ex bf. 

66Mustang

I don't really have any experience but I decided for me the best thing to do is like try to just make friends then see what happens over time if one of those friendships develops

Instead of like trying to find someone who wants to be your boyfriend from day 1

I'm sorry to suggest that if you've already tried that but it's just the way I see it, I think people need to get to know each other, then if you decide you like someone but you are not perfect for each other, you've still made a friend!!

I hope that kind of makes sense??

Splatmate24

@66Mustang yep I done with trying make friends ended up with same way .  I always makes friends first before getting into a relationship but hasn't lasted at all even if I start out as just friends 

66Mustang

Oh I'm sorry to hear that @Splatmate24  

I don't have lots of experience like I said but I hope someone else has some more advice and wish you the best of luck

I would just say don't give up as it will be worth it in the end when you find the right person

JJinPA

@Splatmate24 Go slow.  Be available but not pushy or coy.  Be natural.

Personally I am not a fan of makeup.  I like to see people for who they are.  It's like new paint on an old car.  It might look good but it is still an old car.  No offense intended.  I don't know that you wear any.  It's just it's best to be able to keep up that first impression.

Not that you should take advice from me.  I'm still running on dating guides from the 70s.

Splatmate24

@JJinPA I don't even much makeup unless is just lipstick is only thing that i way sometimes or lip balm . I'm always going slow and be bit available . yet i get some men rushing me when i had used online dating before . most men these modern times some men might not want a approach a quite a attractive women at streets or out in public events .

JJinPA

@Splatmate24 I was always bashful. Fear of rejection I guess. The women I dated were, lets say, pushy. It was their approach that started us. I suppose not having the guts to risk rejection cost me a lot of relationships. For that, I have little understanding of pushy men. I see it. Men that think only their wants matter. They sound like a disaster of a relationship.

So how do we (people) start relationships when we are both timid?

Personally, for a relationship to survive I think pushy should be with pushy and timid should be with timid. A pushy partner will command the relationship over a timid person leaving them with none of what they want. A relationship is supposed to meet in the middle. If you are constantly being overruled there will be little happiness for you.

Is there someone you are interested in? Or is it the weariness of being alone?

I know a man will be interested if he thinks she is interested in him. We are really quite simple creatures. The best relationships involve people that share a common interest. What are your interests? Use them to advertise yourself.

If you like music spend time in record shops. With the advent of streaming, shops are getting hard to find here in the USA. But people enjoy the nostalgia of album covers and vinyl. There are still a good many shops surviving. They are like museums of music. Shop through your genre. I bet there are guys that will strike up a conversation.

Of course this might be knitting or motorcycles. The point is to frequent your interests to connect with others with that interest.

Maybe if you enjoy writing you might join a writing group. Again, maybe it's a spelunking group. Or skydiving. I think there are groups for everything imaginable.

Stay away from the pubs unless you only want a shallow and short relationship. I guarantee if you are sitting alone in a pub someone will approach you, but aside from the risk, do you really want a man that connects with women simply because they are vulnerable?

Public places. Libraries. Grocery stores. No matter where you find prospects there must be conversation. If you are not comfortable talking to someone maybe they aren't for you. I think when he comes along it won't be difficult to meet.

As for your despair. Of the thousands of cities in the world there is likely someone in each that could make you happy. He is out there. You will need to be out there to find him.

I guess I just got in touch with my inner Dear Abby. I do hope you find someone sooner than later.

Splatmate24

@JJinPA i have more interest in video gaming , playing the sims , playing on Splatoon 3 for Nintendo switch . only made friends with people that i met in pubs /clubs . i only been going to this adult gaming event that i found on the web . might only like one guy there . before i went on holiday i did see the guy that was right next me while on video games called just dance . I like some music but not that much .

JJinPA

@Splatmate24

All we can do is try. I hope something pans out for you.