Compliments

66Mustang

I saw someone write a compliment today then they were worried if they had upset people

It made me wonder, I often write compliments and they seem to fall on deaf ears (or whatever the online version of that is 😆)

I have similar in real life where people brush off or shrug off compliments or don't believe that the compliment is true, sometimes people even almost seem upset and it almost puts me off saying something nice again, but I think probably they don't really intend for me to feel that way

Is the saying true that British people don't take compliments well??

I actually really like receiving a genuine compliment. I know it's meant to be other people that judge someone's modesty but I like to think I am a quiet and modest person, but I still really am touched when I get a compliment. Maybe that means I'm shallow??

What about others? Do you like being complimented??

Is it that people are genuinely offended by compliments? Or is it just awkward, or they don't believe it, or something??

Strawberry1

I love to compliment other people @66Mustang .

66Mustang

Me too @Strawberry1

But what about receiving a compliment?? Do you like receiving them??

Strawberry1

I don't Really believe in myself very much because I know what I'm like as a person so I struggle with compliments . They are lovely words but I can never see past my faults thats the thing with me . Hope this answer is OK.

66Mustang

Any answer is OK @Strawberry1. I am just interested to know the truth about how various people feel, as I would like to know why compliments often provoke negative reactions

I don't like to stereotype but I think I definitely do notice it more among British people. Whenever I've thanked a foreign person for a service (like a doctor) they often seem quite grateful. Also I know that in a lot of places, America for example, celebrating success is a lot more of a done thing than here - we are generally quite modest here I think

Strawberry1

ThAnk you @66Mustang . I think we are modest here definitely. Good luck with this topic.

Splatmate24

@66Mustang is depends if person from online dating just start out a compliments  about my looks or how attractive i'm . i might assume they only interested in only in good looks . i get quite a few compliments  like that from online dating . i'm okay with some compliments  is buy my top that i like wearing or my shoes that i wearing . as well sometimes with what clothes . compliments  on skills .

Amaya_Ringo

I had a conversation with someone at work last weekend, in which they complimented me. The conversation also then transgressed into asking personal questions, which made me uncomfortable. I don't think they were necessarily inappropriate questions in a neurotypical conversation. But they were questions I don't like.

I think I have an inbuilt radar against intrusiveness as an autistic person, as a means of self protection…I also dislike compliments about physical appearance because I'm not interested in external appearance. People are never how they look and it's literally meaningless. I've learned how to fit in. I guess that's as far as it goes with me.

But if I think they've made the compliment in good faith, I will take it in that manner. It's masking, but so long as I know there's no malice or mockery in it, I won't rebuff it.

If it's a complement about something else, like something I've done/written/created/whatever, then I appreciate it. I just dislike complements about my appearance (especially given I don't look my age, and people do not believe me when I tell them how old I am). I have been harassed on buses by teenagers before because of this - because they think I'm closer to their age than I am - and as an autistic person this…is very very unpleasant.

hyancinth

My reaction to any compliment about anything: I am offended, feel awkward- Id say mortified and no I dont believe a single word, think they are lying, trying to fool me.

Oh Im such a joy.

Steve_in_The_City

I think I might be autistic, I really don't know. I will have to Google Autism, but I don't want to know the reality of my situation 'cos right at the moment life just isn't too easy - but I do know matters will improve.

As for compliments I have had them all. It makes me feel humble and sad. I can't explain.

onedayatatime

I'm far better at giving compliments than receiving them. I never quite know what to say in response. I'll go so far to say that I'd even ignore the compliment or somehow try to divert or justify it. But I think just saying 'thank you' is a nice way of simply receiving a compliment, that way the person who gave me the compliment to make me feel good, gets to feel good back, instead of me just trying to brush it off. It all gets a bit awkward.

OverlyAnxious

I really don't like compliments. Feel really awkward receiving them and don't know how to respond. And I always seem to come across as creepy or patronising when I try to give them as well.

JudithL

Think I’m reasonably good at giving compliments, but not so good at receiving them graciously.