Calling out rudeness in public

66Mustang

I have a relative who enjoys making a point when people are rude

If he does a stranger a small favour, like you do, e.g. moving over for a cyclist, holding a door for someone, and doesn't get a "thank you" he will say something sarcastic like "don't mention it"

Recently while walking the dog we moved over for a big bodybuilding type person, who didn't acknowledge us…I noticed my relative said nothing

When I asked why, he told me only to pick the battles you know you can win

I do agree with him, there's no point getting beaten up over a bit of rudeness. But personally I don't think I'd say anything to someone, unless I was willing to say it to anyone and everyone

What do others think?

Does being big and muscly give you the right to be rude?

Do you call out rudeness or ignorance when you are faced with it, or do you let it slide?

michael57

i myself have and always have had a down to earth wicked sense of humour i say things as they are but a please and a thank you costs nothing and respecting other peoples opinions even if they are not the same as yours as long as it goes both ways sadly lacking a lot in todays society

THE_DUDE

I would have called him on it. What's he going to do, attack you because he has muscles lol

Mostly water weight.

66Mustang

@woodbine thanks, yeah you have a point there

@michael57 I agree, I think maybe you can relate to something I like to say…which is that I've offended plenty of people in my life but I've never intentionally offended anyone

@THE_DUDE you have a good point there lol!! I've found most muscly types are actually quite nice people. The aggressive ones are usually just making up for some perceived self-inadequacy

Meg24

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/118392/calling-out-rudeness-in-public

Life is too short and there are too many rude people imo. If someone was victimising someone else, racism or harassment etc, then I would say something, otherwise I try to brush things off. If you allow them to upset you then they have succeeded in shifting their bad feelings onto you, passing the **** baton if you will, and I don't agree to carry their **** baton :D

Also, everyone can have a bad day sometimes and you never know what's happening for people, I try to give strangers a free pass for carelessness, I'm often in my own head and don't notice favours. As for direct rudeness, my preferred option is a hard stare, act like a mirror and reflect that baton right back. If I allow myself to get riled up it's too upsetting.

OverlyAnxious

I don't agree with doing that personally. It's just fuelling inequality and the belief that it's acceptable to take advantage of people who appear to be weaker than oneself.

66Mustang

@OverlyAnxious

This is the point I was getting at!!

If a frail old lady is rude and you make a point, it could be argued that you should be willing to make the point to a bodybuilder as well

Otherwise you are kind of implying that being physically strong gives you some sort of right to be rude

Albus_Scope

They say that autistic people often have a "very strong sense of justice" and I definitely fall under that category. I'm a quiet fellow, but I really hate it when people are rude to others in public. I've stood up to people a lot bigger than me before due to racist comments toward other strangers. But ultimately it comes down to your own safety.

As Biblioklept said, we have no idea what's going on in that other persons life, so I'd say it's ok to let things slide with a bit of general rudeness.

Kizzie58

I find it odd and very telling they only call out those they perceive to be weaker than they are. Who goes through life watching waiting for kudos for doing the right thing? I don't actually get it sounds tiring

I personally don't care if someone doesn't acknowledge something I have done for them. I always hold doors , let people go in traffic etc its just a natural thing for me and never give it another thought. I always say thank you for the same curtesy.

I remember twice in my life when I've not noticed someone pulling over and they have gone loopy at me. Once as I was driving down a road a women caught my eye waving her fist and screaming at me I realised ( after I had gone past fully) she had probably pulled into a gap to let me pass but I had not seen her.
Another as I was passing a row of HGV all parked up a driver of the last one shouted THANK YOU ****** ****!!!!!! I thought he was parked with the others I didn't know he was just waiting for me to pass. So in a lifetime of driving had I only missed people letting me go twice, or was it that these idiots were the only ones to freak out at me? I suspect there have been other times but the people were like me didn't give it another thought

People might be detracted, something sad or scary might have happened to them and they were not thinking of anything other than that.

chiarieds

I'd suggest there's a difference between downright rudeness & a person being impolite. I get a tad frustrated when a gentleman holds the door open for a woman, I won't say a lady, as I perceive some of the female gender to be anything but, when they don't give a simple 'thank you.'

If someone was downright rude about myself or others, I feel I'd comment whoever they were, as I also have a 'very strong sense of justice,' so perhaps that's just a trait in some of us, including neurotypicals!

I have stood up to derogatory specialist consultants & stood my ground as I knew I was in the right, but I suppose this is similar in choosing those battles you know you can win. It does all have to be put into context, but I have stood up against those in a 'stronger' position to myself such as these medical professionals; not easy knowing if you're in a stronger position (it doesn't have to be physical) to another who appears 'rude,' especially a stranger.