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Desperate for my own place

PotionsQueen

Hello,

I am an ambulatory wheelchair user and split up with my partner (who was also my carer) a few months ago. I moved back in with my parents and it has been an interesting experience. I do need some help with personal care/laundry/making my bed etc but my mum thinks I can just do these things myself if I put my mind to it.

It has got to the point that I have about 2/3 weeks worth of washing and my mum won't let me do it, she chooses when to do it so it has got very frustrating that she is controlling me to some extent. I really need a carer but I know there is no way she will let anyone in the house even if it is for my benefit.

I don't have a walk in shower either, I've offered to pay for one but my mum refuses to give me an answer. I really need my own place but my mum doesn't want me to leave (control? not sure) so I feel completely stuck. Also I don't really have the funds to leave as my PIP is being reviewed so too much uncertainty in a financial sense.

Wondered if anyone else could relate?

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Comments

Jimm_Alumni

Hi @PotionsQueen, I cannot relate in the sense that I do not need a carer, but I can understand feeling like you are being controlled or neglected by your parents.

Have you spoken to your Local Authority at all about having a needs assessment? While it is your parents house, you are an adult and have the right to ask for a needs assessment.

You may see an email from us later by the way!

PotionsQueen

Thanks for your reply, it is difficult when it is a parent as I keep feeling guilty about being treated this way. I definitely would benefit from a needs assessment but my mum has social anxiety so won't let anyone in the house which leaves me in a tricky position where I am not getting adequate care.

I am eligible for social housing but am too nervous at the moment to pursue this as I know my mum will make it difficult to leave as she doesn't like change. Plus I am worried about the financial side.

Kizzie58

I would advise you to at least start the ball rolling towards social housing. its going to take a long time anyway as there is a housing shortage so get it started and the rest will follow don't wait until its critical, while you wait you can save money for what you will need. Also there are many groups on FB that give things away for those starting out in a new home. I run a selling group and there are many freebies everyday so don't let the expense worry you or put you off.

My daughter and I get on amazing well but she came to live with me for a few months after separating from her husband it was torture, never again! my best friend had her son come home after living away for many years it was torture for her too and I expect for my daughter and her son. once you have lived independently away its hard to go back for longer then a week or two.

You can always ask to meet people out of the home just explain the situation. is your mum physically stopping you doing laundry? What is her reasoning for it? Can you do it while she is out? Maybe say if it cant be done then you will have to send it to a laundry services.

poppy123456

You maybe eligible for social housing but this doesn't mean you'll be rehoused quickly. You could potentially be waiting many years.

PotionsQueen

I should have mentioned that I applied for social housing and have been put in band C. I've been bidding on properties but I'm nervous about being given one in case I lose my PIP and can no longer afford to live there. Thanks for letting me know about the FB groups as that will definitely come in handy when I get my own place.

I think it is definitely challenging for parents and their offspring to live together again! I've managed five months but am reaching my limit. Actually since posting this, I have reconnected with my ex who has let me do my laundry at his which has made things a lot easier. He has said I can stay over when things get too much at my parent's house. My mum has obsessive tendencies and likes to do the laundry but doesn't always consider my needs so it is a big help now my ex is helping.