It's Pride Month!
Being any part of the LGBTQIA+ community and also disabled brings a whole bunch of nuance to our experiences both in our pride and the challenges we face.
I was asked by an Admin to write something for the community about my experiences and I thought we could start a thread sharing what we are celebrating this month, along with some honesty about the challenges we face with these two parts of our existence. So if you feel able to, please share your thoughts in this thread too I'd love to hear about what this means to you. Remembering to respect each others experiences and different ways of navigating the world.
There is SOOOOO much I could say on this subject, but I've tried to keep it brief. So here goes…
I’m ‘Ace’. This isn’t a declaration of arrogance (far from it, my self confidence is trash!), but it's a descriptor of my orientation under the Asexual umbrella. A term that describes a number of experiences including those of us who experience attraction differently. This can include little to no sexual attraction and doesn’t specify a gendered target of other forms of attraction which can be described in other ways. For example I’m also Bi-Romantic meaning I can be romantically attracted to people of all genders. There’s lots of different ways Asexual folks experience the world. Mostly we’re defined by not meeting ‘Allosexual’ experiences of attraction itself. We are what the ‘A’ in LGBTQIA+ stands for.
Importantly this attraction is not linked to a choice of abstinence from sex. Nor is it a pathology/illness - A challenge I have repeatedly met in clinical environments, where while most sexual orientations have been de-pathologized, Asexuality is still often met with medicalization, prescriptions, and what boils down to conversion therapy.
Ace folks face a lot of stigma and criticism, including from within the queer community. Along with the outright discrimination, we also meet a lot of health inequalities in systems built on a heteronormative template that assumes everyone has care partners, children and families to cover caring and/or support duties. This is a real challenge as someone with multiple disabilities and health conditions which are already and will increase in complexity as I age.
What I do however find a great comfort and privilege however is that, getting to exist in both the queer and disabled communities permits me spaces to meet like minded folks (like you!) with similar challenges and to share learning.
Particularly I’ve found that in the disabled community, folks are more likely to be understanding and welcoming of my queerness as they have a deep connection to the divergence and diversity that naturally occurs in humanity and society. While not perfect, it makes disabled community spaces feel generally safer for me which I’m very grateful for.
I am many things beyond these two descriptors and lots of them require a need to fight for my rights. But certainly my queerness and living as a person disabled by society and the intersectionality of these characteristics, brings me a heightened awareness of my vulnerabilities and the gaps in society where we aren’t including people as best we could, and that doesn’t feel great a lot of the time for sure. But within this there’s also great joy and gratitude of getting to be part of two vibrant, vital, validating, brilliant and valuable communities. It's a really special feeling. 🌈
Whether you feel able to join the discussion here or anywhere else about your pride this month or not, I hope the month is kind to you. Whether you're out, figuring it out, or something else, you're a valued and important member of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Thanks for reading!
