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My 19 year old with autism

thecupcakelady

Hi, our son is 19, diagnosed with autism and dyslexia and is really struggling and I have no idea how to help. Our son started off going to college but struggled with both friendships and the course material and decided he really wanted to leave but wanted to do an online course that would hopefully help him enter the fitness industry - he had gone to the gym faithfully a few times a week for years, so he started an online course. However things do not appear to have moved on with the online course and he now spends his days mostly in his bedroom doing we don’t know what and only leaves for a meet-up with friends. Our son has always been extremely independent - this is what I call it - does not accept, help, advice or support - even at school he would not accept the support that was available and It’s very difficult to find a way in ti find out what he is thinking, feeling or ti chat about next steps.Most of the time he is angry and withdrawnand does not want to accept either his autism or dyslexia diagnosis. Alchohol has now none into the equation and I feel absolutely stuck not knowing how to help. Any advice or pointers would be very much appreciated.

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Comments

Jimm_Alumni

Hi @gardengirl, first of all I want to welcome you to the community. I hope we can offer some support. I can understand how upsetting situations like this can be, you don't know what to do to help but you care and love him so much you feel like you need to do something. You just don't know what

But, there are things you can suggest to him and support him in doing that I think could help however. I hope it's okay to ask some questions, you don't have to answer them.

Does he have any mental health support? Or has he spoken to a GP at least about how he's been feeling recently?

I'm not a health professional, but I have had depression and mental health struggles. It sounds like your son is going through something like that perhaps.

When I was younger I refused help, even when I needed it. It meant I dropped out of university, and I didn't recognise that I had extra barriers in my way because of my disabilities. I just blamed myself for "not being good enough". While I don't know the situation exactly, I wonder if your son is feeling the same way?

I would see about going down the route of getting a mental health check up. Help him speak to a GP and, if that is the issue, help him treat it.

I wanted to add one final thing, you sound like a wonderful mother, it's clear in your post how much you care about your son.

thecupcakelady

Hi Jim, thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind response. I do feel my son requires some mental health assistance, but there seems to no way in persuading him to see a doctor or even a counsellor without a very bad angry, almost violent, backlash. I have been to see the doctor to talk about ‘my mental health’ as I couldn’t book to chat about my son as he is 19 and the doctor just suggested I approach the National Autistic Society or to wait until things worsens. Every day is now a difficult day and he seems to ruminate , be stuck in the past and can’t seem to move forward. He also doesn’t eat properly - he won’t eat home cooked food, just junk food, and is very rigid in his eating so he is not getting the necessary vitamins. I do feel my son needs mental health help, part of me is scared of the angry backlash when I try and approach this and the other part is scared that I will lose my son as a son (on an emotional level) as he never wanted to be diagnosed with autism, and I was with him when he was diagnosed, and he has never really forgiven me, but despite this I would do whatever it takes to help him.

Rachel_Scope

Hi @thecupcakelady. What a difficult situation you're in. It must be so hard to see your son this way and not being able to help. Please make sure you take care of yourself, it's very important.

I've just moved this to the Autism category so hopefully there are more people who can relate to your situation.

thecupcakelady

Thanks Rachel. I will. And thanks for moving the message too.

Albus_Alumni

Hey @thecupcakelady I just wanted to stop in and see how you were getting on with your son now? Has there been any progress at all? I know things can be mighty tough when you get that autism diagnosis, it can take time for things to settle, I remember it well.