Help with 27 year old son, he's autistic, ADHD and has learning disabilities

Scottishcity24

Partner has been enabling 27 year old son since childhood, he's autistic, ADHD and has learning disabilities, along with depression and severe anxiety issues.

He's basically unable to do anything himself, personal hygiene is terrible, people complain on a weekly basis, doesn't take medication correctly.

Adrian_Scope

Hello @Scottishcity24 and a warm welcome to the community.

It sounds like a very difficult situation for the three of you.

Can I ask what you mean by your partner enabling him? Do the three of you have much support outside of each other?

Scottishcity24

She has been far too easy on him over the years. A case of anything for a quiet life and no confrontation. He has a Social Worker but he's good at masking, lying etc. He will literally beg his mum to do things for him. We have no support apart from each other but I don't feel comfortable talking to her about it as she feels stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Doris_Scope

Hi @Scottishcity24

As @Adrian_Scope said, this sounds very difficult.  I can understand that it is even more difficult as you may not want to overstep the mark with your partner.

Does your partner’s son have a social worker through adult services?  It might be worth looking into an advocate for your partner’s son to remove some pressure.

Looking at your online name, are you based in Scotland?

If so, The National Autistic Society Scotland might be able to give you some advice on this matter.

Scottish Autism is another service that provides outreach support.

Even if you don't feel comfortable talking about it with your partner, it's important to be open and honest. If your partner contacts the services, she could get some great information and help for her son.

I hope this helps.