Dating
morning everyone, I hope you’re all enjoying the lovely weather!
I wanted to ask people’s opinions when to tell guys that you have a disability? I have spinal stenosis and dd along with facet joint problems. I need to use a walking stick/crutches so it’s pretty obvious that I have a problem walking.
I find that if I tell men they don’t want to know. 😢
Comments
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Heya @jamiebear that's a tough question. For me, I'd like to know asap, but mostly because it would give more conversation points, as I'm rubbish with small talk. 😆
I tend to be very open about my disabilities and wrote about my "neuro-spiciness" on my bio. It may not lead to as many matches, but it gets rid of people who would go "eww" when I tell them after a few messages.1 -
I've often had problems with dating. I've never been in a serious relationship and i've often been a victim of leg pulls and jokes,because of my disability.
People don't realise that disabled people have feelings and deserve to be loved,the same as anyone else.
My mam died and I want to enjoy my independence for a while.
I hope to put myself out there in future, but I am nervous because of past experiences.
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Really sorry to hear that @Ironside1990 some people can be horrible! But I'm glad you're thinking about putting yourself out there. My therapist always said "You'll never score a goal if you don't take the shot." which although weird, seeing as I have lower leg disabilities, does actually ring true.
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Hi everyone and thanks for your replies.
I keep getting ghosted when I mention to guys about my disability.
Oh well their loss! 🤣
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Totally their loss @jamiebear! While it can be really disheartening to get ghosted, I think you're dodging a bullet if someone's put off by your conditions.
It's sad that some people can't see disability as anything other than a negative, but I'm sure there'll be people out there who are much more worthy of your time. Hope someone shows up soon! 😊
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Be upfront. It's hard believe me. I have struggled. However don't risk getting close then if they find out, it would break down trust.
They may even say if you thought I'd react badly, what type of person you think they were.
I haven't managed get a date for Years after relationship broke down and disability started.
Tried apps, websites , it sucks!
Had some one say when I mentioned wheelchair.
"Oh, I'm really not into that"
My response, "oh good , cause I hate ignorance and it it not a kink! Or lifestyle choice" so now it's on my profile. If they can't accept it, really I shouldn't want to accept them anyway. That's what I tell myself anyway.
Good luck
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It's true that there is plenty of fish in the sea, but there's also plenty of sharks as well.
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Indeed. Whales. Jellyfish and poisonous ones.
Id rather try my luck with a real shark I think. Lol
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The sooner you say it, the better. It's a shame to waste time on stupid people.
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Hi all and thanks again for all of your comments!
I think I’ll take a break from all of this dating stuff and concentrate on friendships instead xx3 -
Hi All I too find it hard to get a gf as im in a wheelchair I just don't know why im the same person but just sat down.
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@Mox yeah the sad thing is people seem not to look beyond the appearance and beyond the disability.
I decided to stop looking, certainly to avoid the rejection of others clearly based on disability. I had two profiles for a short time one mentioned disability the other less information.
No contact on the one which mentioned wheel chair.
The one which had less information, would get contact , until I informed them. Then ghosted or blocked.
I now think, try meet new people , and hope that at some point ,I meet the person who will be able see the person.
Dating sucked anyway, but it's even Harder to even get anyone to go on dates
Has anyone any love stories, positive dating experiences they can share. Any tips , advice.
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Hi kc1978
I would really enjoy having a partner , I also tried a dating site and was really upfront about being a wheelchair user only 1 lady contacted see to say that she wasn't looking for a relationship wish I found very weird , tbh I was disappointed.
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I've never looked at a dating site and can't imagine I ever will!
But guys, if I were looking for a bf, I would avoid anyone hoping to meet a "lady". Heck, we're in year 2024 not 1924.
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Hi @jamiebear Friendships can develop into relationships. I myself do not think any relationship can work without friendship.
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It has always been this way and always will be. If two people look the same, but one of them has a disability, guess who loses. However, as the number of acquaintances increases, the chances also increase!
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It's sad that so many people think this way, and totally forget that for most people personality and character plays a huge part in things. There was an article on the BBC earlier this year on the topic which some might find interesting.
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It is sad, and your right personality and character are some times overlooked.
Unfortunately it's a sign of the world we face. You need to look a certain way, dress a certain way. Appearance are often winners , but Thier attitude and behaviour stinks. I heard a friend say once of her horrific partner. I know he treats be awful, but when will I ever get some one who looks like him again. He was a very handsome guy, but ugly inside.
One day who knows things will change and people will realise that they shouldn't be so close minded. I meantime just hope one day I'll meet someone special.
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I'm exhausted with just feeling like ****. Relationships is sometimes something that I think about as well, but I try not to because it brings me to a dark place.
Most of my challenges revolve around difficulty with speaking, anxiety and trying to string a sentence together verbally is like dropping a jigasaw of what I am about to say. It's incredibly furstating and I get anxious be cause I feel I will mess up simple things like just asking to buy a lottery ticket.
I recently got awarded PIP a yer being on ESA for 20 years, I have support from GP WITH a report and had superb advice on this very forum. Fortunately they didn't call me in for assessment, this was the main thing that put me off applying for so long.
I don't really know where to begin with dating. I think fired tly I need help with just speaking and socialising but I don't really know where to begin.
My GP did refer me to mental health assessment, which was a sturgukle.fornme to get to and give my name at reception. After stressing outside for a long while. But I walked out before they could call me in. I just could not put the words together in my head while in the waiting room.
I don't think there is a path forward, I just think I needed to vent some.
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I think I am done with romantic relationships. 51 years old now - divorced in 2019 (14 year marriage), divorcing again (4 year marriage). I have too much to contend with on my own conditions, and I have realised now romantic relationships are just too emotionally draining for me. I take my share of the responsibility for the failed marriages but I was also not appreciated very much and was taken for granted. So I am learning to be comfortable on my own and to keep my life as simple as possible…
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