Help with work issue

bazaar1

hi all.

I am diagnosed autistic- I am fairly high masking and people usually forget I’m autistic or just presume I’m ‘odd’

TLDR: I was ‘autistic’ in a conversation and now being frozen out and getting official emails making me fear for my job.


I’ve been in the workplace a year, had a great relationship with my boss (extended to friendship), been promoted and even in discussions to relocate this year. I spent 2 weeks in the new office and was told repeatedly what a great 2 weeks it was and how brilliantly I did and how they can’t wait to get me back permanently.

On my last day, as I was trying to finish up an employee approached me about a mistake she’d made. I said that it didn’t matter now (was no fixing it) and she kept pushing, she was in my personal space and really not letting go. She called me blunt again. I got up and left, and ended up not going to my leaving dinner because of her.

She complained and the manager had decided that I was at fault before even speaking to me.

I was told I was unprofessional and by not going to the meal, I made her feel bad (I didn’t tell anyone why I didn’t go- they all knew I didn’t want to go anyway due to my social issues)

we had a meeting I raised my issues, particularly that my manager had already decided I was in the wrong before even speaking to me. I raised that I was truthful and not rude or disrespectful and left to excuse myself from an uncomfortable situation. I emphasised that my autism means sometimes I don’t communicate in the way others expect. I also highlighted I had no service dog with me, was 2 weeks out of the country in a strange place and was rushing to get finished to go to a meal I didn’t want to go to. My stress levels were high.

since the meeting my manager has not spoken to me (we called 2-3 times a day and teams consistently) if she wants to ask me to do anything she puts it in the group chat.

I asked to speak to her Thursday and expressed my concerns and she told me I was over thinking it. But since Thurs still no real contact

Yesterday I got an email expressing how upset and unhappy she was that I didn’t feel like she supported me (which was not what I said) and listed all she did including allowances she made for my autism previously (one that was actually anything to do with autism - allowing me to miss a site visit as my service dog was unwell) and that she can refer me to OH if I want

she then asks me to train the new person on all my specific tasks.

The whole email reads like a preparation to sack me - covering her backside to say she did everything to help me.

What do I do? I’m being frozen out and cannot argue against it and now fear for my job, and I’m moving in 8 weeks so can’t risk being unemployed

10 days ago I was the best thing since sliced bread. Now? I’m completely alone.

I can’t go to hr as she is hr

Rosie_Scope

Hi @bazaar1, sorry to hear you've been going through this at work, it sounds stressful.

Perhaps you could email her back explaining that you appreciate the support she has given you and you don't want this situation to affect your professional and personal relationship as you have enjoyed working with her.

Is there any one else that you feel comfortable speaking to at work, someone who is neutral to you and your boss who might be able to help calm or mediate the situation?

If you're worried that things might escalate, it could be worth seeing if you can get some advice about the situation from ACAS. They might be able to advise you on certain aspects and let you know what your rights are should anything get worse:

Acas | Making working life better for everyone in Britain

Bydand

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/121300/help-with-work-issue

Ask for mediation between all parties

bazaar1

thanks all for the replies. I’ve had a meeting today and she’s referred me to occupational health but honestly it sounded like a ‘let’s tick all the boxes’ type meeting - I will be surprised if I have a job by the end of the year. I’m gutted.

I asked for reasonable adjustments to be put in place - mainly the right to request a third party there when I need to have direct conversations with someone if I feel I am uncomfortable or unable to communicate clearly and it’s been declined as not feasible.

I’m just going to ride it out as I need the job

Rachel_Scope

This sounds like an awful situation @bazaar1. Are you part of a union? I used my union rep when I had to have meetings regarding my disability and they know all of my rights so were able to speak up when I wasn't.