Depression
Depression sucks to the point I don't want to be here all alone
Comments
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Hi @jac1poppy2,
I’m so sorry you're going through this. Depression can be really rough, especially when it feels like you’re all alone. It can be very overwhelming, but sometimes it helps to just talk to someone, and if you ever feel like you need to chat, the Samaritans are always there, day or night. You can give them a ring on 116 123, or if you’re more comfortable writing things out, you can drop them an email at jo@samaritans.org.
Your GP could also be a good shout too. They’re there to help with stuff like this, whether that’s sorting out some counselling or maybe even discussing medication if that’s something you’re open to. It's worth a try.
Mind is another place you might find useful—they’ve got a lot of resources and a helpline (0300 123 3393) where you can get advice or just talk things through. Sometimes just knowing you’ve got options can make things feel a bit less heavy.
You don’t have to go through this alone, okay? There are people out there who care and want to help. Take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything.
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I totally understand my heart goes to you have you any family kids animals depression takes us to dark dark places But your a survive we all are push through find your inner strenght how are you what you doing today x
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It started 3 years ago our dog died suddenly through miss diagnosis then having no sleep well if lucky 2 hours a night having to lift 25 stone bloke off chair to then toilet on floor for 14 days before I shouted enough made ambulance take him in or I kill him turned out was sepsis 10 weeks without him then dreaded him coming home been home 2 years won't lift a finger I'm expected to clean cook shop dress him go shopping for his dad us my mum and dad walk dogs his dad got arthritis who when do shop got go again for him extra twice a week mum has vertigo got take doctors 3x week dad aggression with dementia I'm expected get up at 6 am to do whole house shop clean etc go bed midnight then sleep from 3 am to 6am
Got in touch with GP social prescriber got InTouch with care package they came out looked at me and hubby turned round and said to me well your fat enough to do him and everyone else we not going to help
So to me it's ok to ask do these things but realistically they are not interested in me and told me I need to buck up do it myself I said well I'm in depression they the care people said well u let it it happen deal with it
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If it wasn't for me having two dogs to look after I wouldn't be here now
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Their our furbabies I have two as well and thier always by your side I'm glad you have them I really understand how your feeling can you pin point what's weighing you down last year I had a breakdown was dark dark never thought I'd come out of it seemed no way out from it all look for things small things you can do daily or weekly that could be having a bath I've been known to have 10 in a day have you family friends what about your doctor are they supportive pls remember your so important to your dogs your family your friends I've been known to call helplines just to talk say how you feel on here your not alone fight it depression is a vile enemy we have to fight its ok to go low as long as you stand straight back
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Thats alot alot to take on people get so used to you being the one that does everything they stop asking if you OK sometimes we have to put ourselves first if we're not strong hiw can we do whats asked of you do and to be honest sounds exactly what my dad was like with my mum she was at breaking point always angry shaking through nerves wow who said your fat enough I made a complaint so your a underpaid carer my heart goes out to you what could you do for yourself something you always wanted to do ? You deserve you time 100 percent start laying boundaries because it's human nature as long as you do they will take I understand you care and are a carer but you who's looking after you x
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Excuse my spelling
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What about social services have you tried to get care package I look after my dad and he's very unkempt tbh not very clean and has district nurse out everyday they raised concerns and social services came offered him help he refused google social services care packages and how to go about it thinking of you pls be kind to yourself x
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Was the social services from the hospital told me it's my job to dress his legs down meds our doctors useless only the social prescriber brilliant she been helping a lot she told me my wi best group I'm waiting to have total knee replacement and got osteoarthritis in both my feet my day is
5am shower dress do housework he gets up at 11 am I do his toast get him dressed he does his insulin and tabs goes in front room sits plays on phone watch TV while I butter his toast so his drinks then more house work till 1 pm then do his lunch bearing in mind I don't have time to eat breakfast or lunch after feeding him finish off in home then outside garden do that my first drink of the day is 2 pm after garden till 4 in doors do tea my first food of the day wash up put washing in then drive to mums catch up at 6pm then home with dogs at 8pm sort out wash for tumble dryer then sorted out for tomorrow chores do supper as well then get to watch TV at 10 pm till midnight bed 1 pm then again up early I also got fit in doctors runs and shopping only time i get myself is Tuesday afternoon from 2-4 pm if wi has things going on in mornings then im not to go in constant pain with foot oh if i take my painkillers he will moan at me for sleeping so not to have them or if I do then I have to stay awake if he wakes me up for drink then i cant get to bed till 3 am which in total i get 2 hours sleep so at the moment i dont have time to be in depression and he has to have my painkillers if he catches me he gives me the look as if i took his items
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That all sounds very overwhelming @jac1poppy2. Lack of sleep can be really tough to cope with on top of all you're dealing with.
It's really important to have time to look after yourself and it doesn't sound like you're getting much of that time at the moment. But it's great that you've got some contact with the WI, what kind of activities do you do with them? 😊
I know you said that social services have been advising after your husband left the hospital and that you haven't had much help so far, but if you still aren't coping afterwards it might be worth asking for a new assessment to see if they could offer some care so you can have a break:
Getting a care needs assessment - Social care and support guide - NHS (www.nhs.uk)
Do you think that might be worth trying?
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Yes think so to just so exhausted with wi we have coffee morning craft in afternoon Ive been given job doing sales tables but the morning I can't possibly do he said as I get care allowance I need to earn it he said so I can't do morning till my work is done
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It's understandable that you're exhausted @jac1poppy2
Is it your husband who said you need to earn your carer's allowance?
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I totally get what your saying ny dad was like that with my mum she used to shake with her nerves your not the hired help being a carer is extremely difficult as your saying it's 24 /7 I think Rosies right look at getting another assessment a safe guarding one it's important you get some rest bite it's so hard being the person everyone relys on sometimes people get used to it and forget about your needs talking about it helps to see your not alone and you matter you really do
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Yes he said I'm paid to do everything for him he gets up sits in chair all day I keep screaming at him to do something he always says your paid to do it oh not doing a good job either
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Glad I'm not on own but feels like it
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I get that being responsible for your husbands every need is unattainable your just one person my mum worked hard two jobs and my dad sat at home doing noting she used to scream at him I never forget the atmosphere and tension could never rest your mind I know it's so hard to break habits routines you are the strong one getting uo everyday caring everyday it's important for anyone and everyone that you find time for yourself guilt free I know it doesn't change everything you do but just doing something for yourself it will be hard at first but the more you do it the more easier it becomes you haven't got a contract yes your a carer not a donkey I feel sometimes people don't see the good your doing but I know they will be lost without you what do you like doing any hobbies do you find walking dogs helps can get lost in a million thoughts around the park my go to is baths can have 5 in one day it soothes me excuse my spelling keep repeating words
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Cant walk far if had to I'm mobility scooter as waiting for total knee replacement got osteoarthritis in both feet very painful with him at home doing nothing I have to do shop sort mum out with docs get dad to hospital appointments his dad shopping etc I do knitting but I'm up and down every 5 mins for him when he came out of hospital I was promised a care package as was in depression still am they looked at me said how much do I weigh I said 14 15 stone I'm a size 20 they all said well you can lift 27 stone bloke out of chair I said wot about his ulcers they said well you can deal with them surely I said do wot they both said well your fat enough to lift him your big enough to clean him up and I said I can't drive far they said well your problem not ours by time I get up after 3 hours sleep I have to do things quietly while he sleeps in by time he gets up I've missed breakfast and lunch well today he had a go at me for not wanting toast I thought to have cereal so to keep him happy I've dumped cereal to have bread he so forgets everything that he making me forgets stuff when I remember wot he said he said I did not say it Im not even allowed to say can't if I do he shouts at me for calling him a c..t then I go off and have a cry he hears me then phones up his dad saying I'm a crybaby and to my mum telling her things which is not true she has a go at me he says truth hurts don't it sure he doing this deliberately to me getting to stage where I can't do this anymore really feel like I shouldn't be here he has said he be happy without me
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That's incredibly hard to deal with firstly I would put a complaint in about comments on your weight that is totally unprofessional no way should anyone especially professionals come into your home and insult you in such a way ! Do you see your doctor often if so maybe explain how your feeling and how your depression is getting worse due to the pressure of supporting your husband ie mentally and physically he can put a referral to social services to give you some rest bite and obviously with your health as well you can say your not able to deal with all his needs because who's supporting you I understand the pressure when one partners doing more than the other keep on mentioning my parents it was awful always screaming shouting my dad expected my mum to do everything she was like a donkey the atmosphere makes you so ill the anger the disappointment you lose yourself it'd very intense try to break it down stage by stage as it's impossible when your on flight or fight mode maybe start with doctors lay it all on the table you are at breaking point and need support for your husband and maybe make a big complaint about comments on your weight and exactly what they said and how that's impacted on you ! Start tomorrow if you have the energy to call doctors push for it you deserve a rest
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Many things said in anger im sure deep down he knows everything you do for him its like you become so used to arguing defending your corners it becomes war of words without even relize the hurt its causing we forget to communicate it almost becomes impossible to be kind so thats why its important you treat yourself good start doing small things for yourself x
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Well had it now was going to my WI hut he decided wasn't to go there was only for meeting he said if you go your not to come back so didn't go can't risk not having a home to come back he then made me do more work sort out cupboards he already stopped me from sleeping so when dogs went outside I stayed out all night he then got up said I had best night sleep
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