Thoughts on approaching 35

wandering_chris

Hi all,

As I approach 35, I have alot of thoughts - I'm afraid, scared and confused. Here's some of what i'm thinking:

That went quick!/life is short

Seeing how fast 35 years has gone, an not knowing if i'll get another 35 I just feel I need to do everything I want to fast, fast , fast and that there's no time to waste.

I haven't done a thing!/life was meant be all sown up

I mean yeah, I went to uni got my degrees, but this is the age i'm meant to have the perfect girlfriend, perfect job and perfect 2 kids. I don't know if i'll get another 35, I need to act fast and the progrress isn't moving quick enough.

Will I achieve what I want to in the time i've got?

that's a big one

Early middle age? woah hold up! I'm not ready for this!

Deep inside i still feel 25 and have a long list of stuff I want to do, early middle age, i'm not ready to get old and become all bland an serious, what the heck is this?

luvpink

@wandering_chris

Hi youngster.

I am 60 years old and indeed life does go by very quickly.

I have made mistakes and wasted time worrying about issues I didn't even need to worry about but I have also made great achievements and enjoyed a lot of my life.

I am plagued with health issues now but I strive to maintain being as positive as I can because there will always be people less fortunate than myself.

I'm a great believer in fete and what will be will be.

vikki66

Hi @wandering_chris

Thirty-five is still young - you just don’t realise it at the time!!

When you start to actually get old you’ll look back on 35 as part of the golden years🤣

I understand what you meant about thinking everything’s meant to be perfectly sown-up, I used to think that too. Now I realise that it’s more like life is a constant Work in Progress. I don’t think anything is ever going to be perfect, there’s pleasure, but also struggle, involved with many aspects of life.

As for becoming bland, I’ll bet you’d get lots of people on here who would tell you that, in many ways, you can actually get to know yourself better, and feel freer, as you age.

I hope you enjoy your birthday - you’re only going to become middle-aged if you tell yourself that you are.

Wibbles

I agree with the others - 35 is still young - I am now 61 and regret some decisions that I made in my youth and now I can't go back and reverse these !

Make the most of your health because it's the most important thing that you will ever have.

Middle age doesn't officially start until 40 nowadays.

From 40 - life does speed up dramatically

vikingqueen

I'm in my 60's and have made a lot of mistakes over the years but those mistakes have led me to where I am now and I don't regret them for a second. Trust me @wandering_chris when you're 60 you will still feel 25…. Who has the 'perfect life' nobody I know, but I'm happy with what I've got, and trust me I'm not bland and will never be serious…Old age isn't all boring 😉. As for your dream of the perfect family life, you may or may not achieve it but don't worry if it's meant to happen it will.

Steve_in_The_City

I am 68 and I quite enjoy life! Age isn't a barrier to having fun, fulfilling dreams/goals or setting yourself new objectives. At the moment, for instance, I am working on a video project and developing a website and learning html. On paper I should be a lonely sad old disabled person, but I get around on my mobility scooter and meet lots of people. I have just made a new friend, he is 26, straight, muslim - completely different from me, and that is part of the appeal. I agree with @vikingqueen You learn from your mistakes, they (and your wise decisions) take you to where you are now, and as Vikingqueen said "if it is meant to happen, it will". 35 is still very young @wandering_chris and you have plenty of time to plan forward. Every age has its merit. I wouldn't worry too much about middle age because when it arrives you will be able to deal with it. And by the way, I would find being perfect and having the perfect everything absolutely boring!

Autism_at_40

I've not read other replies (concentration not great), so I don't know if I am repeating others.

I refuse to admit my true age tbh. I think that it's how you feel that matters, if you are always thinking you're old and all these things are going to happen because of it 9i decline in health or not being able to do this or that), then you will be limiting yourself and it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy!

If I have to put my age on a form or something, I say out loud the age I feel (25) to counteract it.

I don't even have what you have - degrees - I left school at 16 that's pretty much as far as my education went and do you know what, I don't care. It's not a measure of my success.

I live alone, I don't have kids, I don't have a partner either, nor a good job or career etc… but none of these things define my success either…

If I look back, I can safely say that I have been through an awful lot and mostly come out of it the other end. I am a strong person because of it. It's not been easy, it's not always been happy, I've not always been healthy (like now), but I'm still here. When I was a kid I actually didn't expect to live this long.

I don't define myself by society's definition of success. I don't think anyone should.

You could look at it differently, at any age you could be hit by a car and die, therefore you could say that it doesn't matter how old you are, you may never have the time to do everything you want to do in life. You're trying to predict the future.

There's no need to rush, that's when things go wrong.

You are who you choose to be, you can do what you choose to do - no matter what your age is.

Look at The Colonel (KFC) - he created that company in his 70's and look how successful that became! There's people in their 80's and 90's going sky diving, doing ballroom dancing, travelling the world etc.. if they had given up at 35 and decided their life was over, they wouldn't have achieved any of that.

Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. Go with the flow. You never know what's round the corner.

(I hope my bluntness isn't too much).

Nightcity

I just turned 42 10 days ago.

I often feel I've achieved nothing, then again everytime I do try achieve someone boots me down.

I don't have children, am single, don't own my own home, don't work and have no friends. In fact except my mum I have no family left either.

I spend a lot of time living in the past wishing I'd done this or said that etc and a lot of time in the future frightened witless of being one of those people who will die alone and nobody will notice or even care and they really wouldn't!! and it's a very distressing way of life.

I don't see.my circumstances changing in a positive way despite being a very stubborn and determined person at trying.

Jimm_Scope

Hey @wandering_chris, I understand some of these feelings. I've gone through them myself in some ways. I think life puts far too many expectations on how you're supposed to live your 20s and what place you are meant to be in your 30s. Truth is, every lives life at different paces. I know one woman who I met while at university, she was a stay at home mum until her late 50s when all her children left. Since then, she has done 3 degrees. Three degrees! In her 50s and 60s!

There's still a lot of time to do so much. I think when we are younger we feel invincible, we feel like there's all the time in the world. We reach our 30s and we begin to realise… well there isn't all the time in the world. But, there's still A LOT of time. We just finally acknowledge it is a limited a lot of time.

I've gone through this whole process. I felt like my first 30 years were a waste, but that's not true really. Yes I could have done more than I did, but it all made me who I am today and I'm now in a better place to do all the things I want to do than at any point in my life.

I also had to come to terms with perfection, perfection is a trap. It's not possible to reach perfection, so to say you need the perfect job, the perfect two kids etc. You're giving yourself a goal that isn't achievable and nobody truly expects of you. As much as parts of the media suggest otherwise