Overwhelmed daily alone

Tumilty

Hi, i have suffered with depression & anxiety for as long as i can remember, am an only son who has always known that the time will come when even with my daily anxiety i have to start looking after my parents even though i always have but more so as they get older, they both in their mid 80's & also have a dog that is dying of cancer & it's all getting overwhelming, crying daily.

I try to tranquilize myself up but then the next morning the worry & anxiety just comes flowing back, i dread each day as it's like everyone i love is dying & i am finding it hard to cope alone, friends can't be councillors as they have their own stuff so if it's ok i come here to type my thoughts & feelings.

I tried to overdose a year or so ago when i never thought i would be when it gets unbearable the feelings come back & i understand how people think it's easier than to face another day of it but also i hear of people that when all of the loved ones are gone & they are on their own they can grow & feel free as they only then have themselves..

Rosie_Scope

Hi @Tumilty, sorry to hear you're feeling so overwhelmed. It's hard to watch loved ones get older and struggle with their health, and it's not easy to face losing a beloved pet either. I've sent you an email today, so please look out for that 😊

I know you said your friends all have their lives, but I'm sure they'd want to know if you were struggling so they can offer some support and chat things through with you. Do you think you'd feel up to reaching out to any of them at all?

If that's not an option, I completely understand, sometimes it's not that easy, But I hope the community can be a place where you feel free to talk things through and get some support ❤️

Tumilty

Hi @vikki66 and @Rosie_Scope yes just writing helps Rosie i've never liked putting my stuff on others as i think if you have high anxiety & depression then it's a bigger issue as escalate you as opposed to talking to a friend that doesn't have anx/dep who just tend to carry on after stuff happens.

My little dog has anaemia caused by a blood cancer, i'm heartbroken, happened so fast, affecting my mum n dad too as him in their life keeps them going & me too.. I feel my families wheels are all falling off at once & i can't handle it i don't feel strong enough 😔

Albus_Scope

I'm so sorry to hear about your little furry friend @Tumilty I've been there myself a few times, so I know how devastating it can be. I get sometimes it can feel impossible to speak to friends about things, but it's always worth a try at least, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Tumilty

Hi all @Albus_Scope .. Last night my little Syd died, he was so weak, could hardly get upstairs, i helped him up then he just keeled over, i wrapped him up & put him in his bed & the pet crematorium picked him up today.. He had blood cancer .. I'm so overwhelmed with grief & worried about the affects on my elderly parents & the affects of grief on them.. At the moment it is so raw, i'm out of my mind with anxiety, a big light has gone out & a big hole in my broken heart

Albus_Scope

Oh @Tumilty I am so so sorry. I know how tough that can be, so please be extra gentle with yourself. We're all here to talk things through if you feel up to it later. ❤️

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/923357#Comment_923357

Ah this got me so heartbreaking for you my fif has cancer dread the day oh I'm so so sorry for you I can feel your grief it is extremely painful have you anyone you can talk to I really hope your OK we are here for you ❤️ pls let us know your OK my heart really goes out to you big big hugs

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/923793#Comment_923793

Tumilty

Thanks all it all feels so surreal, he was hear last night and now he's been cremated it's heartbreaking to think that.. Life has changed for the family, the house has changed with him not being there, like a fire that has gone out. Syd was my best mate I'm heart broken

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/924197#Comment_924197

Thier family and it is soul destroying I bet he had the best life loads of cuddles and love mine has cancer and she's my best friend to if only love kept them here my heart really goes out to you and your family it really does be proud you loved him everyday making Me cry x

Tumilty

thank you, i do need to type here as i find it therapeutic. Today the first day in 8 years i haven't woken with him in the house. I've cried buckets this morning not seeing him in the house but seeing everything that reminds me of him. I've removed his bed & toys apart from 1,the postman comes & he's not barking, the house is an empty shell. I tend to be someone that dwells on memories that then make you cry, maybe it's a way of healing. I know time is needed it's just so raw at the moment. 😭

Rosie_Scope

Sorry to hear about Syd @Tumilty, he looks like such a sweet chap. I've been through losing a pet a few times too and it never gets any easier, those first few days without them are horrible.

Crying is definitely a part of healing and it helps release all that built up stuff in your brain, so let it all out! And feel free to type away about how you're feeling if you need to, that's what we're here for ❤️

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/924556#Comment_924556

I will be exactly the same it's grief you will need to grieve I love my dogs more than people my heart goes to you so much take your time the price of love would we charge it no even knowing we have them for years but not enough years ❤️ I always like people who love animals and without making you cry even more I don't know you but I'm so proud of you for all the years you loved your little boy big hugs

Tumilty

@Catherine21 same here i love dogs more than people, our dogs are never here for enough time, i always think that would we have preferred not to have them & have no grief or have them & take the grief & it's the former but don't make it easier. I love all animals i save spiders in the house. Syd was my 3rd Jack Russell they are lovely dogs so loyal & full of personality.. I'm upset, it's this time of night he runs upstairs to go to bed & i can't hear him, the mind plays tricks.. Heartbroken totally..then it starts again tomorrow after tonight trying to relax & tranquilize.. Thanks love & hugs back

Durhamshire

Sending heartfelt love and best wishes.

Tumilty

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/925012#Comment_925012

yes when he first came from the rescue center they didn't know his name as was from London & probably lived with an elderly person that died or gave him up hence his diet was always fed off the table.. He came the first day and was frightened obviously & bit me so Syd it was, was always a bit vicious if he didn't like anything.. So upsets me thinking back..

Tumilty

@vikki66 yes i'm sure, he loved it here, the house was his little playground jumping on & off chairs, in the window when postman or delivery person came. The whole routine has gone, he used to come upstairs for his treats around this time of day, i can still hear his bark, the noise of his paws coming upstairs but what is worst is that image of him laying over & dying which fills me full of tears & will never leave me.. A massive light in my life has gone out, the house is horrible to be in at the moment, just an empty shell. 😥

Rachel_Scope

I'm so sorry for your loss @Tumilty. Dogs are such a huge part of our lives and when they're gone it does leave a big hole. Remember all the happy times you had together. Do you have many pictures around the house of him? Things will eventually get easier, just be kind to yourself and let yourself feel what you need to ❤️

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/925428#Comment_925428

Thats very traumatic for you you gave him so much dignity it would effect me deeply also he was with you to his last minute and I'm sure if he could speak he would say that's exactly how he would have wanted it and I'm sorry your hurting mum in time you will remember the good times as I'm sure you already do he was at home with the people he loved and you have so much dignity and love to the end very very powerful emotions ❤️

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/925464#Comment_925464

Me too with my purds 3 years ago it's incredibly painful feel so emotional for tumity really do

Tumilty

Thanks for your replies, i don't have pics Rachel in the house only on my phone, i can't bring myself to see them at the minute as it's so raw as it overwhelms my anxiety all the more @Catherine21 yes it was heartbreaking carrying him and his head dropped & wrapped him in his blanket & layed him in his bed, took some diazepam & cried the whole night holding him.. I have better hours then bad hours,moments of grief outbursts & then quiet & relaxed but when i get a memory it triggers me & i get teary, this is how it is the grief process but i need to still post

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/925586#Comment_925586

Ah that is hard really hard god can't imagine I would be beside myself so so sorry I know how much I love fifi and what that's going to do to me my heart goes out to you 💔