Overwhelmed daily alone

Tumilty
Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

Hi, i have suffered with depression & anxiety for as long as i can remember, am an only son who has always known that the time will come when even with my daily anxiety i have to start looking after my parents even though i always have but more so as they get older, they both in their mid 80's & also have a dog that is dying of cancer & it's all getting overwhelming, crying daily.

I try to tranquilize myself up but then the next morning the worry & anxiety just comes flowing back, i dread each day as it's like everyone i love is dying & i am finding it hard to cope alone, friends can't be councillors as they have their own stuff so if it's ok i come here to type my thoughts & feelings.

I tried to overdose a year or so ago when i never thought i would be when it gets unbearable the feelings come back & i understand how people think it's easier than to face another day of it but also i hear of people that when all of the loved ones are gone & they are on their own they can grow & feel free as they only then have themselves..

Comments

  • vikki66
    vikki66 Community member Posts: 864 Empowering

    Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this tumilty. I’ve got to rush just now, but will try to come back and say hello when I’m finished.

    Lots of ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,086 Online Community Coordinator

    Hi @Tumilty, sorry to hear you're feeling so overwhelmed. It's hard to watch loved ones get older and struggle with their health, and it's not easy to face losing a beloved pet either. I've sent you an email today, so please look out for that 😊

    I know you said your friends all have their lives, but I'm sure they'd want to know if you were struggling so they can offer some support and chat things through with you. Do you think you'd feel up to reaching out to any of them at all?

    If that's not an option, I completely understand, sometimes it's not that easy, But I hope the community can be a place where you feel free to talk things through and get some support ❤️

  • Tumilty
    Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

    Hi @vikki66 and @Rosie_Scope yes just writing helps Rosie i've never liked putting my stuff on others as i think if you have high anxiety & depression then it's a bigger issue as escalate you as opposed to talking to a friend that doesn't have anx/dep who just tend to carry on after stuff happens.

    My little dog has anaemia caused by a blood cancer, i'm heartbroken, happened so fast, affecting my mum n dad too as him in their life keeps them going & me too.. I feel my families wheels are all falling off at once & i can't handle it i don't feel strong enough 😔

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 7,395 Online Community Coordinator

    I'm so sorry to hear about your little furry friend @Tumilty I've been there myself a few times, so I know how devastating it can be. I get sometimes it can feel impossible to speak to friends about things, but it's always worth a try at least, you may be pleasantly surprised.

  • Tumilty
    Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

    Hi all @Albus_Scope .. Last night my little Syd died, he was so weak, could hardly get upstairs, i helped him up then he just keeled over, i wrapped him up & put him in his bed & the pet crematorium picked him up today.. He had blood cancer .. I'm so overwhelmed with grief & worried about the affects on my elderly parents & the affects of grief on them.. At the moment it is so raw, i'm out of my mind with anxiety, a big light has gone out & a big hole in my broken heart

  • vikki66
    vikki66 Community member Posts: 864 Empowering

    Aw, bless, sorry to hear about your wee dog, that must be hard. Try to take it not just day by day, but hour by hour (or by minute) at the moment.

    Sending you ❤️

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 7,395 Online Community Coordinator

    Oh @Tumilty I am so so sorry. I know how tough that can be, so please be extra gentle with yourself. We're all here to talk things through if you feel up to it later. ❤️

  • vikki66
    vikki66 Community member Posts: 864 Empowering

    Hi Tumilty, hope you’re ok, and that you get a good nights sleep ❤️

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Community member Posts: 1,439 Pioneering

    Ah this got me so heartbreaking for you my fif has cancer dread the day oh I'm so so sorry for you I can feel your grief it is extremely painful have you anyone you can talk to I really hope your OK we are here for you ❤️ pls let us know your OK my heart really goes out to you big big hugs

  • Tumilty
    Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

    Thanks all it all feels so surreal, he was hear last night and now he's been cremated it's heartbreaking to think that.. Life has changed for the family, the house has changed with him not being there, like a fire that has gone out. Syd was my best mate I'm heart broken

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Community member Posts: 1,439 Pioneering

    Thier family and it is soul destroying I bet he had the best life loads of cuddles and love mine has cancer and she's my best friend to if only love kept them here my heart really goes out to you and your family it really does be proud you loved him everyday making Me cry x

  • Tumilty
    Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

    thank you, i do need to type here as i find it therapeutic. Today the first day in 8 years i haven't woken with him in the house. I've cried buckets this morning not seeing him in the house but seeing everything that reminds me of him. I've removed his bed & toys apart from 1,the postman comes & he's not barking, the house is an empty shell. I tend to be someone that dwells on memories that then make you cry, maybe it's a way of healing. I know time is needed it's just so raw at the moment. 😭

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,086 Online Community Coordinator

    Sorry to hear about Syd @Tumilty, he looks like such a sweet chap. I've been through losing a pet a few times too and it never gets any easier, those first few days without them are horrible.

    Crying is definitely a part of healing and it helps release all that built up stuff in your brain, so let it all out! And feel free to type away about how you're feeling if you need to, that's what we're here for ❤️

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Community member Posts: 1,439 Pioneering

    I will be exactly the same it's grief you will need to grieve I love my dogs more than people my heart goes to you so much take your time the price of love would we charge it no even knowing we have them for years but not enough years ❤️ I always like people who love animals and without making you cry even more I don't know you but I'm so proud of you for all the years you loved your little boy big hugs

  • Tumilty
    Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

    @Catherine21 same here i love dogs more than people, our dogs are never here for enough time, i always think that would we have preferred not to have them & have no grief or have them & take the grief & it's the former but don't make it easier. I love all animals i save spiders in the house. Syd was my 3rd Jack Russell they are lovely dogs so loyal & full of personality.. I'm upset, it's this time of night he runs upstairs to go to bed & i can't hear him, the mind plays tricks.. Heartbroken totally..then it starts again tomorrow after tonight trying to relax & tranquilize.. Thanks love & hugs back

  • vikki66
    vikki66 Community member Posts: 864 Empowering

    @Tumilty - hope you manage a sleep.

    Was Syd named after anybody in particular?

  • Durhamshire
    Durhamshire Community member Posts: 20 Contributor

    Sending heartfelt love and best wishes.

  • Tumilty
    Tumilty Community member Posts: 93 Empowering

    yes when he first came from the rescue center they didn't know his name as was from London & probably lived with an elderly person that died or gave him up hence his diet was always fed off the table.. He came the first day and was frightened obviously & bit me so Syd it was, was always a bit vicious if he didn't like anything.. So upsets me thinking back..

  • vikki66
    vikki66 Community member Posts: 864 Empowering

    @Tumilty - you gave him a better life, I hope you can feel happy about that after the pain of losing him is less raw💚