Relationships

ella1992

Hi all any advice does anybody have a partner who complains about life but like everyday all moans and anything I can't cope anymore I feel like I'm gonna have breakdown he complain about life in general it's 24/7 the only time o catch a break is at work that's 3 hours a day it's a headache daily yes he has ptsd and depression I have mental health issues but I don't do that to anybody I don't want it anymore it's driving me me insane

Bluebell21

Hi @ella1992 I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Could you talk to your partner about how there constant doom and gloom is making your feel? I do hope you are able to find some kind of resolution. Take care.

ella1992

Iv tried it turns into argument iv had this for over 10 years I need out but I haven't got the will power to leave he's also been arrested a few times years ago for attacking me I do love him and he hasn't hurt me since 2017 but he's constant wingy man

Bluebell21

Hi @ella1992 Do you have any family or friends you could stay with for a few days to give you some thinking space?

Reyhanali5

Sorry to hear that maybe you should both see spmeone professional like a marriage counselor & your gp . Also why don't you just go & stay with a family member or friends for afew days & why don't you just book a short holiday for yourself with someone you get on with maybe a good friend & yourself can go & enjoy yourself at a girl only holiday or why don't you take up a new hobby like painting or drawing or even start an online course ?

Nightcity

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/931565#Comment_931565

he shouldn't have hurt you ever!

I so sorry you're suffering this way.

I was a male victim of abuse I'm a Very strong person now but back then I felt so pathetic and embarrassed especially as it was the second time I'd been abused (once at boarding school and then by a partner)

because that's what is happening here Ella in several ways and you need some help here, He can't go on dragging you down this way.

Albus_Scope

Hey @ella1992 I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I've popped you a quick email, please be on the lookout for it.

ella1992

Thanks iv replied back

ella1992

Today is ok and nice and calm but I do want to ask something yesterday he was so wingy moaning all day to the point we argue he keep pushing for example he said nobody would want me anyways so I snap back and said well somebody will want me he now thinks I'm cheating 🤦‍♀️ we end up sleeping in separate rooms he went to bed so the night didn't get any worse he triggers me I bit back with saying things because he says horrible things to me I'm the reason why he's messed up and angry

Bluebell21

Hi @ella1992 I am sorry you had such a difficult day yesterday. You are not the reason he is messed up and angry. He is looking for someone to blame for his own problems and you are there.

Please take care of yourself.

Nightcity

that's classic style of abuse and coercive control.

Bluebell is right he has a big problem

ella1992

He does have problem but he's been OK for few years we've had our ups n down then all of sudden yesterday he was blaming me saying I'm controlling him but I'm not I haven't seen my family for years every time we go norfolk it's all about his family we lost our daughter together to adpotion she is currently 9 she got taken away due to dv and our own problems things got better we moved away things got worse then things gor better I'm also seeing my son he's feeling angry because I'm seeing my son and he thinks iv forgotten our daughter but I haven't I'm just not letting it effect my life wear he does let it effect him emotionally she 9 does it sound selfish mean saying I'm not putting my life on hold waiting for my daughter to come back she's only 9 so I have wait till she's 18 that's long time I need enjoy mt life iv suffer enough

ella1992

Iv been with him 10 years this is why I can't just walk away iv worked with places like purses and Rotherham rise before

ella1992

Hi all me again I don't know what to do its not easy to up and leave I live miles away from my family im also scared im gonna be alone its all started again he's saying I'm the abuser but in fact it's him but he does trigger me sometimes with the things he says so I can snap back with nasty things. I'm Of to work today as yesterday I was so sick I couldn't go think it was stomach bug but I just need somebody to talk to about it

Bluebell21

Hi @ella1992 Do you have anywhere to go if you leave? It could be the stress you are living with that is causing your stomach to be bad.

Never blame yourself for this it is quiet normal to snap back when you are constantly being got at.

I am glad you have been able to go to work today as this gives you a break.

You can always talk to us.

Take care.

Rosie_Scope

Hi @ella1992, we've sent you an email today so please look out for that 😊

I'm really sorry things have got bad again. Have you spoken to any charities about your situation? It will all be up to you, so there is no pressure to do anything if you don't want to. They might just be able to help you make a plan if you did decide to leave. Women's Aid can be very helpful, or there'll be local charities too.

I know you said you were quite far away from everyone, but could you perhaps stay with family for a few days just to clear your head a little?

Hope things start getting easier for you soon 💜

ella1992

The trouble is I feel like I can't leave without my 2 cats and he saying there his cats but both in my name this is what's making it harder I did phone council today I can re apply for bidding stay wear I am be on band 3 but want to know because wear joint uc do we still claim together because I don't want to let on that I will be leaving but I need to do it with my cats and refused places don't take cats I don't think but being a work Monday to friday for few hours keeps me outta house he's blaming me saying I controlled him but the truth is wear both toxic to each other he's trigger me from the things he says sometimes I can say things without thinking as I have bpd so I struggle with my emotions for example few years ago he keep saying I was cheating that much that in the end I said I was but I wasn't now he throws that in my face constantly