Struggling, lack of sleep and more
Is there any real hope apart from phoning doctor getting more medication sick of fighting my emotions have bpd which is hard enough with normal daily life whatever that is Sick of getting triggered sick of worrying lack of sleep sick of existing life has always been hard but this last year has been horrendous where to turn to no where
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No matter how it feels, there is always hope. I cant say i feel great myself, but i hope this feeling of sadness will vanish one day :)
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sorry you’re struggling at the moment 😞 I have bpd so I know how hard it can be. There’s always hope though, and you have people here that care about you aswell hope you feel better soon ❤️
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You may feel you are broken, you may feel hopeless, or feel there is something inherently wrong with you. When you feel like this, try to remind yourself, you didn’t break yourself! You have picked yourself up and carried the burden of the damage that someone else done to you; you are not hopeless and you are not helpless, you’re human, you’re resilient, Infact you’re a warrior; not many people could shoulder the burden you carry. Love yourself, love all of you, even the parts you don’t understand. Allow yourself the grace and self compassion and you will begin to heal. We may never have the highs that other people have but I’m sure we can find a new normal, where we are not crippled with self doubt and overthinking.
on my low days, I always read this poem by Virginia Satir. I’d encourage you to read some of her work. I wish you all the best in your journey xI am me, in this world there is no one exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it.
I own everything about me, My body including everything it does; My mind including all its thoughts and ideas; My eyes including the images of all they behold; My feelings whatever they may be… anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; My Mouth and all the words that come out of it polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; My Voice loud or soft. And all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so I can love me and be friendly with me in all parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully, look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is ME . This is authentic and represents where I am in that moment in time. When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.
I am me and I am okay.
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So beautiful thankyou very much very kind xx
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Me too thankyou hope you have a good day xx
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Thankyou so kind xxx
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Good morning @Catherine21 I am so sorry you are feeling so low, I do not think this time of year helps at all. Dark at 4.00pm and gloomy days it reflects in our moods. You have your daughter and she needs you to help her, you went to London with her and I am sure you gave her lots of support. You help other members on the forum you do matter. Just keep going one day at a time. Please take care of yourself.
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Thankyou Bluebell21 your always so kind xxx
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I would like to encourage you, Find a different path and focus on the possibilities and positives you have. It is sad to say this but most humans concentrate on lifes negatives. How often do you here the good aspects. Customer Service, before I stopped working much of my time was spent giving the best Customer Serice that I could to my customers. I really liked my public, many became friends over time. I got compliments from many on a face to face basis, very very few ever wrote or phoned Customer Service to say how good I was. The day comes to all of us when something goes wrong, our standards drop and we make mistake. The complaint roll in and you are made to feel like the worst person on the planet. For every compliment that comes in, there is probably a hundred moans and groans. So try this, look into a mirror and say to the person looking out at you:-
"Hi I like you, in fact you are the nicest person i know"!
"You are worth spending the rest of my with because you are a lovely person"!
"You make me smile and feel good about myself"
"I think that you are so kind to me, i'm going to make you a special breakfast.
Do not be frightened of being kind or nice to yourself! You deserve to be valued and loved. Start at the begining and learn to love yourself. I write out sentences that say nice things compliments, then I stick them on a Lolly stick, I call them Affermation Sticks. If it seams a gloomy day I take out one of the sticks at random and read it (I keep them in a jam jar). I know that I wrote them, this does not matter it is what is on it that matters. I have fifty sticks in my jar, this make it pretty random. I like to think that the person in charge of the universe has singled me out for that stick on that day to lift my spirits. You may think me odd, or even a bit potty, I will now tell you a secret "IT WORKS"
Try this, learn to love yourself and never give up. Lots of people care about you!
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I think your kind and amazing thankyou lovely message thankyou xx
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Ooh your so kind lovely message thankyou how are you today x
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Hello my fellow mental health warrior xx
I remember feeling absolutely hopeless like you must have felt when you wrote this. Aren’t doctors great at handling out medication rather trying to get to the very core of your unhappiness. I have had a few diagnosed over over the years by various doctors - but here I am. It did take years to come to terms with, I won’t lie and I won’t sugar coat it by saying that it’s plain sailing even now. With every diagnosis I have researched it and asked myself ‘Is this me?, can I fully relate to this?’. I do agree that BPD is a convenient label that is given to people by a medical professional that doesn’t understand you or your situation, but they want to stay employed and give you the medication. A CPN is a fantastic opportunity to talk. That’s something that everybody needs. I was fortunate enough to have a year of weekly one to one talking therapy with a psychologist. Every aspect of my life seemed to be scrutinised from my pre formative years.
After every session I felt totally drained. It was hard going! Then unbeknown to my conscience mind, she triggered something from very deep within. I crumpled. I am normally strong, almost wilful if you like, but I will never forget how my eyes were opened to this diagnosis and how it was due to past unspoken trapped feelings. I walked away still crying uncontrollably but unashamed of my tears. I do sleep better now, although some nights I will sit awake with my mind racing. I now find it helpful to write down my feelings in those moments, and later read them. They don’t resonate for long, and I discard my writing. Finding a healthy outlook is always important. Talking to someone is essential for you, and I’m glad that you have many people who feel they want to help ❤️❤️1 -
I understand what you mean when you say eye where opened to your illnesses I felt like that when sunak said sick note Britain all talk of work I've never actually thought about work in my future I've isolated kept myself safe because when I was in society I wasn't a nice person at times would get very triggered loads happened alot I'm not proud of at all I agree therapy is so so draining opening up the boxes in your mind I had intense therapy group then one to one even then I keep my masking head on I never took myself to that point I'd leave go home and drink all this talk of work has made me look at me what can I do what can't I do and it comes back to noting but look at me and definitely the work coaches would say I definitely could it's so hard looking inwards as I've been running from myself forever I'm glad you sleep better understand about thoughts racing that is me tonight nights so long sometimes I've taken sleeping tablets just don't work do you feel you can deal with situations better have you recovered from the unlocking some trauma xx this group is amazing isn't it such kind people like yourself and many others xx
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I understand that some people like myself can easily burn themselves into a frazzle just by thinking about thinking if that makes sense. On nights like these - the sleepless nights, I throw the curtains open and smile at the quietness of the night skies. I might sit there and feel totally peaceful in the safe knowledge that I am alone and safe and enjoy that peaceful moment. The darkness slowly lifts, and chinks of light start to appear in the clouds - it makes my heart smile. As the sun rises and the sky is a mixture of colours that not many see, I sometimes step outside and record it on my phone. It’s a magical feeling if you let it in. There’s nobody around, and it’s just you and the heavens.
I hope that you can find some peace. Sometimes, my body doesn’t particularly need sleep, but my mind certainly does need to rest xx1 -
That's lovely way of thinking thankyou xx
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I grew up in the 70s my parents alcoholics and didn't care if I came home or not was put in care I'm the same I left school with no qualifications and didn't know anything about dyslexia and I was a lunatic too totally fearless wish I could find that fearless person life breaks you down the older you get down but the one thing I always had was a heart I would always put myself second now total isolation which I like I've never known things to be so bad with the goverment or maybe I just didn't engage since last year with sunak like us all been living on fight or flight mode how are you did you resolve things with work ? I really hope ellen clifford wins and things get better 🙏 xx
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With diagnosis over years the one that I never even imagined I'd have is autism had preconceived ideas of autism but reading up on symptoms makes so so much sense it is funny because all your life you have these quirky ways and start reading about adhd symptoms and you think god people act the same as me it's so hard all the stress around welfare changes
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The realisation makes me so angry I was labelled the naughty kid I used to play up because I was embarrassed that I didn't retain any information my spelling and don't mention maths id sit and day dream I was always sent out of class then dealing with home life I didn't come home for days my parents didn't even notice gosh when think back obviously it shapes us as people friendships relationships and as mind feels different it's so hard
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Hi @Catherine21
I'm so sorry you had to experience that and you have every right the feel angry. Thank you for sharing your story with the community 💜
Jemima, she/her
Online community
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Oh your welcome and hello hope your well x
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