Toxic
I'm in tears so tired They are moving My dad from his flat to do his bathroom as he lives in squalor you can literally tidy up next day filthy so left on me only child to help him so spoke to manager Friday said leave key in fob he didn't baring in mind it was horrific getting out door today didn't want to be seen anxiety through roof so when arrived the flat was smelling foul baring on mind had deep deep clean when he was in hospital so went upto guest flat no fob key he was calling me every name under the sun can't repeat what he said then he grab me threw me out flat and I had trolley he kicked that and said never come back this is not because he's old now he was like this when I was a child for years I've had his corner with social services threatening of eviction and its true the hallway stinks hes never been clean I'm so worn out mentally by him bit feel sad as he's old but the put downs tear me apart sorry just needed to express myself if I speak to anyone who knows him they say we don't know how you do it he's horrid and also he's says I'm giving him a heart attack he never never takes accountability for himself
Comments
-
Catherine, this sounds awful 😖
He is probably ashamed and embarrassed that he can't look after himself and deeply ashamed of how he has treated you.
(I suppose I'm fortunate that my parents were not alcoholic)
Will you be able to speak with your daughter today? No doubt she's busy but this is too much to deal with on your own. Like yours, my daughter has been incredibly supportive and understanding so I only now bother her in an emergency. This sounds like it is one.
Keep holding on.. 💜
0 -
She's never had a relationship with him she can't enter his flat she literally gags she said along time ago don't do it he speaks to you like dirt also she gets very upset of some of the things he calls me it's so hard because deep down I can see the person but for years I've always tired to keep his self respect but it's impossible tried so his place up with really nice stuff he throws it out wees on it I take all his washing and I have to have taxi windows open smells putrid it's impossible to help him this has been all my life and now he's at the end of his I can see it myself I don't want to leave on a bad note but he always verbally abuse me it's so hard for me to go there having to talk to staff face to face I'm shaking inside then the shame as staff are always saying his flat rotten smelly I scrub it next day it's wrecked with loads fruit flys the lot so I left a message on office answer phone saying I'm not the best person to support him he needs someone that's not family I've tried for 30 years when my mum left him I went today dying inside myself crying and he said oh get away with yah crying people ask is he getting dementia no he's on the ball I'm 53 he's been like this all my life I feel so guilty and worried what will happen it's so draining sorry my spelling bad
0 -
Hey @Catherine21, I’m really sorry you’re going through this – it sounds so tough. You’re doing your best, even though your dad’s behaviour isn’t fair at all. It’s totally normal to feel torn between wanting to help him and being hurt by his actions. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself too. You’ve got a lot on your plate, and you deserve support. Don’t be afraid to reach out or take a break when you can. You’re doing great, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Take care of yourself 💙
1 -
Hi @Catherine21 I am so very sorry you are going through this. Has your dad ever had a Health and Social Care Assessment.
Please take care.
0 -
Thankyou Morgan so draining and very upsetting think I'd be used to it by now I always worry he will pass and I'd be left with the guilt but I have to take a break like my daughter said I have to protect my mental health even going to his is distressing having to get taxis facing people I always wear dark sunglasses and I now it looks silly in winter
0 -
Yes he was under mental health team for years he has a flat ina retirement home he has district nurse everyday they have raised concerns about his welfare he will cry to me I my life's not my own I only want you to support me so I was protecting him fighting them off trying to give him some sort of dignity tbh I ft sorry for him and I understand mental health he has bad social anxiety bi polar so I understand but I've been the target of his frustration and he verbally attacks he can be vicious and I've accepted and accepted I said I can't keep on fighting your corner when thier is a smell food thrown on floor and alot more he would rather argue and fight than ever agree or say yes your right I've worked so hard on myself and I can't deal with the abuse I'm breaking myself I really want to call to make sure he's OK but he will scream at me he won't engage with services but tomorrow he will have to my heart was involved I can't protect him or make everything OK anymore it's been the same cycle all my life my mum left and I just took over sorry to go on x
0 -
Hi @Catherine21 You are not going on. I think you have to protect yourself and your own mental health. If support is there for him let them deal with him. Sometimes when we are unable to help someone any more because they will not let us someone else has to step in.
Do not feel guilty you have done your best. We are not always the right people to deal with family members as we are too emotionally involved.
Anytime you need to talk about this or anything else we are here for you Catherine.
Take care. Hugs.
0 -
Oh bless you thankyou so much definitely your right x
1 -
Sometimes you reach a point where you have to put yourself first, and the best thing you can do is refer the situation to others who can help.
I'm speaking from experience 🙂
0 -
@Catherine21, it's time for you to walk away & stop being his 'punch bag'. It seems to me from what you have posted, he only wants you to do things so he has someone to abuse & will always be there to take it. He can't be like that with any agency that sees him. You've done your utmost, so for your own health, take a very long break, without guilt.
0 -
So hard all I done all day is cry and this is not the first time thankyou
0 -
I agree it hurts so much been a rollercoaster for years just feel sadness even at my age still gets to me thankyou
0 -
Hi @Catherine21 How are you today? You must be exhausted after yesterday. Try and have some rest time. Please take care of yourself.
0 -
Oh sorry bluebell just seen your so kind really appreciate that thankyou hope your well x
1 -
I am not too bad thanks @Catherine21
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 14.2K Start here and say hello!
- 6.8K Coffee lounge
- 68 Games den
- 1.6K People power
- 99 Community noticeboard
- 22K Talk about life
- 5K Everyday life
- 56 Current affairs
- 2.2K Families and carers
- 823 Education and skills
- 1.8K Work
- 438 Money and bills
- 3.4K Housing and independent living
- 892 Transport and travel
- 656 Relationships
- 63 Sex and intimacy
- 1.4K Mental health and wellbeing
- 2.3K Talk about your impairment
- 846 Rare, invisible, and undiagnosed conditions
- 893 Neurological impairments and pain
- 1.9K Cerebral Palsy Network
- 1.1K Autism and neurodiversity
- 35.7K Talk about your benefits
- 5.6K Employment and Support Allowance (ESA)
- 18.5K PIP, DLA, and AA
- 6.6K Universal Credit (UC)
- 5.1K Benefits and income