My Pain Ruins Christmas

Topcat71
Topcat71 Online Community Member Posts: 49 Contributor

I will try my best to be happy at Christmas but my pain just ruins it for everyone. I don't feel comfortable in other people homes and I either feel tired because of medication or I just want to lay down with my back pain. So I told everyone I am staying at home this Christmas and it's not going down well.

Comments

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Online Community Member Posts: 5,346 Championing

    Hi @Topcat71 I am sorry you are in so much pain. Could anyone come and visit you at home just for an hour for a drink and a mince pie over the Christmas period.

    You must do what is best for you.

    Take care.

  • Lindsey54
    Lindsey54 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 25 Contributor

    HiTopcat71 Don’t let pain get the better of you. I had serious arm, back and shoulder pain. I was in road traffic accident some forty years ago. It was this accident changed my life. The damage done to my body was causing me problems thirty five years after the crash. I worked hard following my GP’s guidance plus a physio and I came out of that bad time. I found laying on the floor-in the recovery position with a cushion to give support. I found small changes made big differences. I still get some back pain but I am more in control of my pain.
    Your pain problems are probably very different from mine but you can probably still use slow movements to find relief. Heat can give relief a bath that is hot enough to give relief but not enough to scold you.
    Lastly I had good friends who were understanding. You have decided not to go anywhere during this Christmas time and people are not happy. They sound like some kind caring people who want to see you. Tell them that you want to come but not too long and explain how they can help to make things easier. Try it with help and honesty you might enjoy Christmas.
    Good luck and I hope you enjoy your self what ever you decide.

  • MW123
    MW123 Scope Member Posts: 849 Championing

    @Topcat71

    Christmas is just one day of the year, and if you're more comfortable being in your own home doing things at your own pace, that’s perfectly fine. There’s a special comfort in being at home, especially when you’re not feeling your best, physically or emotionally. It’s a safe place where you can feel in control, eat and drink, lie down or sleep when you want to, and not have to fit into someone else's routine.

    I have six children, all married with families of their own, and for a while, they would invite me to spend Christmas with them. But after several years of politely declining, they stopped asking, knowing I’d respond with a firm, “Thanks, but no thanks.” You have to be firm, or people will start trying to find solutions to the problem, which can end up complicating things even more.

    On Christmas Day, I make a video call to each family, and that’s how we stay connected. It’s a system that works perfectly for all of us now, no one feels uncomfortable, and no one feels like they’re abandoning their poor, widowed mother/grandmother. I don’t feel like I’m missing out either. I genuinely enjoy the peace and quiet of my own space, especially since the two weeks off work are something I really look forward to. It’s a time for me to recharge and savour being at home, rather than in the office. Wishing you a Happy Christmas.

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 59,429 Championing

    Hi @Topcat71 do what is best for you.

  • JennieWren
    JennieWren Online Community Member Posts: 13 Contributor

    chronic pain is so draining and tiring under normal circumstances with all your home comforts/adaptions around you, and going elsewhere can really throw a spanner in our carefully balanced pain equilibriums.

    You know your body best. I tend to think in pain calories, I know roughly how much increased pain I’ll have from various activities (all being equal, we know sometimes pain doesn’t play fair!) and if I can’t warrant the pain for that activity I don’t do it, do part or make allowances for following days to recover and get that pain score back down.

    Try lots of things to see what does and doesn’t work for you. I have one specific pillow that improves my sleep on most beds, so I take that with me, even for a 1 night stay. I’ll also take various blow up travel cushions, not just for the journey, but to improve seating and night comfort.

    I’ve found communication is key. I have some great friends and family (and others not so great) who have listened and watched me over the years, obviously I spend more time with the former! Over the years we’ve discussed my pain management techniques, the most helpful one being pacing my activities and posture. Being horizontal is often the only thing that will bring any sort of relief so they don’t bat an eye at me laying on the floor.

    Most people don’t understand chronic pain (I’ve had mine for nearly 40 years) and can’t really remember being pain free just activities I used to be able to freely do. For at least the first 2 decades I tried to cover how much pain I was in as it seemed to make others uncomfortable, however I’m less willing to take that hit myself (maybe it’s the menopause 😂) and more freely explain or decline from activities. As others have stated maybe some,if fairly local, could pop in to you for a quick visit - some friends will even bring the food as it saves me a job, if not FaceTime or zooms are great and let the not so local ones know that you’ll be seeing people and have plans that you’re very happy with (even if that plan is getting a take away and watching a film or show), so they don’t worry.

    Have a restful and peaceful Christmas.