pain

TK9947
TK9947 Online Community Member Posts: 22 Listener

I hate autism.

I hate myself for having autism and not thinking like normal people. I hate how it keeps me alone and miserable.

I hate how I can't let my guard down around anyone and have to keep people away to keep from getting hurt.

I feel nothing for other autistic people because they are too different.

Comments

  • TK9947
    TK9947 Online Community Member Posts: 22 Listener

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Heya @TK9947 sorry to hear how you're feeling. I've been there myself many a time. Being autistic is tough work and a constant challenge, especially when you're feeling like you can't connect with anyone. Do you have any friends or family you can speak to about your feelings?

  • TK9947
    TK9947 Online Community Member Posts: 22 Listener

    @Albus_Scope I got no friends. My family can't understand how I feel. I can only speak to a counsellor I'm seeing.

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Are you finding speaking to the counsellor helpful? I often find having someone I can sound my feeling at really useful, it certainly keeps me a bit calmer.
    Have you looked into any hobbies or similar where you could meet new people?

  • TK9947
    TK9947 Online Community Member Posts: 22 Listener

    @Albus_Scope it helps for a while but it's limited by the counsellor's experience and cost per session.

    I looked into such things but nothing is suitable and I don't have enough in common with the people in question to make any worthwhile connections.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 332 Empowering

    I have no friends these days, and it suits me just fine. I must be well weird!

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    There's nothing weird about preferring your own company @Ranald 😊

    Ah I see @TK9947 I understand. Sometimes it's worth shopping around for counsellors, especially if you want to find one with some more neurodiverse lived experiences. It's worth looking into more for sure.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 332 Empowering

    Just like Ebenezer Scrooge, pleading with "The Ghost Of Christmas Past" - I'm not the man I was!

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    I'm exactly the same @Ranald I used to be quite the social butterfly, now I'm happier inside with the company of my dogs. Oh how times change eh?

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 332 Empowering

    I do miss clubbing a wee bit, i still listen to Essential Mix etc. That Pete Tong nearly an OAP!

  • noman
    noman Online Community Member Posts: 1,584 Trailblazing
  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Oh yeah, I do miss the lights and good vibes @Ranald I can often be found, tapping my foot along to the latest Punk Goes Pop albums, pretending I'm in my 20s again haha.

    How's the new dog shaped frendo getting on now @noman ? Settling in nicely I hope?

  • noman
    noman Online Community Member Posts: 1,584 Trailblazing

    Unfortunately not pal he has had to go back to the rescue, because he was only around 1 year old he was full of life and wanted to play with Pippa all day long who will be 10 next month.

    I thought I had him sorted but he was constantly jumping on Pippa and hurting her ( unintentionally ) and she has arthritis in her back legs so when he hurt her she was going for him.

    With much regret I decided it would be better for him and Pippa ( my priority ) if he was rehomed with another family who he would be better suited to.

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Oh no, that's a bit rubbish @noman sorry to hear that. I was a bit worried about the age difference, but sometimes they'll settle given time. But Pippa deserves her peace and quiet bless her.

  • noman
    noman Online Community Member Posts: 1,584 Trailblazing

    Thanks Albus,yes Pippa does deserve peace and quiet which is why I won't even think about getting another dog for some time.

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,139 Championing

    Im the same I spend all my time alone I used to yearn for all that but I total recluse people irate me apart from my daughter

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 332 Empowering

    I have 2 daughters of 22 and 20 who I sesee rarely. The younger maybe every few months, the elder, not in the last 2 years. They get back To me if I text, but it isn't ideal.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 332 Empowering

    Everything irritates me! I could give Victor Meldrew a run for his money these days.

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,139 Championing

    Honestly I find myself in my head saying get on with it when people drag out a sentence just people in my space the older I get I find it unbearable at this rate will have one foot in the grave … oh no the song is in my head now