my experience of OCD treatment

justjoined

I just need to tell my experience to write it down to see what I can do to get better. I now know the NHS mental health team can't help or aren't bothered but maybe a private company can.

What have other people done to make their OCD better. I'm sure nobody is interested as this is long and I wouldn't blame you it's just to get it off my chest what has happened. I have anxiety and these constant letters from the welfare dept asking to talk about my problems is making thing ten times worse, thinking about my problems rather than just going through the motions daily and blocking things out. I know this is what they need to do though. I'm sure there could be better ways to join the benefits up rather than telling different departments the same things.

I had mental health CBT 20 years ago for OCD and after six sessions the psychologist said to touch a bin in his office when I couldn't he said to come back when I could, so I never did although I since learnt that there is only had six session anyway.

Since then my OCD has gone out of control year on year new habits form and stick and evolve, I can't do much for a normal life, now its like a jail as i can't go on a holiday ever, a day out, as I can't use a public toilet, can't have my tumour treated as I can't visit the hospital for treatment and its growing internally and externally, I can't go to the dentist, have my hair cut, can't have anyone in my house, can't touch most areas of my house like accidentally touching a wall so live within a corridor from room to room although not all rooms. can't eat at home, use the toilet unless I'm going out or showering after - every aspect of my life is now taken over from breathing to blinking and talking to walking there is nothing I can't do without OCD. Those with various forms of OCD will understand this and that I have no control over and this is the hardest thing, it's like being trapped in an eternal torture chamber in hell or possessed by another being which I have no control over whilst my inner being knows it has no rational thoughts behind it and it would be so easy to just be normal if I wasn't trapped by OCD. I know I need to visit the dr for new illnesses or a lump appearing but this is impossible even when death could be the final call. So bad especially as I have a son coming back from university to think of and staying with my mum after, he's the most important thing in my life but clearly not enough to overpower OCD as it's that powerful an illness.

Anyway, so I didn't have any help until the lady at PIP doing my phone assessment a few years ago helped me who had been a nurse, by ringing the doctor to help. As it happened my PIP reply from a different assessor a man I think held this against me saying I got on well with my assessor which I didn't understand as I cried all the way through my interview and was having some sort of panic attack I think as I can't remember much.

the dr rang and said she'd arrange for help. The woman from the mental health unit rang and said I could go up to one half a mile away and have CBT with the psychiatrist, I arranged what I would do such as being able to sit in the office on a towel and what have you then shower at my mums after. But a few days later she rang back saying I couldn't until I'd had medication. I told the hospital I could have my scan again as i need them every six months and maybe my injections again as I hoped the cbt would make me better by the time my appointment came round, I didn't realise how stupid and naive I was with how things really were.

I didn't hear anything back for a month or so and my mum said to ring the dr who then said she hadn't heard anything in any notes but had been thinking about me so would find out, rang me back and said the mental health unit would be in touch, I got a letter from a private charity dealing with mental health for the NHS but it had a big stamp on the front of the envelope saying who they were for mental health with my name and address next to it for all to see including my postman, and the second letter was ripped open with my detail hanging out I said not to contact me again and had concerns about the data they give away.

the DR got someone from the local unit to visit who came and he said he didn't much anything about OCD he said that I probably knew more than him so explain my problems, I told him my problems during his visits but he never said anything so I assumed he was just there to dispense medication and wasn't allowed to advise, this was hard saying things out but not learning how to deal with them as they'd been locked up for so long so I was feeling really bad by this stage much worse than before all this started. I took the medication which made me feel depression which I didn't have and really sick, next visit I told him so he doubled the dose and they made me feel worse so next visit he said he'd triple the dose. Then he said he was sending his trainee to visit who visited she was also nice to me and did the same no advice but asked questions and ended by asking me what I wanted and I said to visit the mental health unit and get better and she left saying I could go up.

Shortly after I got a letter saying I hadn't seen her and had failed to take any medication. My mum rang them and told e to speak to them and i told them the letter was wrong and she had visited me and I had taken the medication and so they sent another letter saying I'd seen her and taken medication but they were discharging me and if I wasn't happy I could appeal. I'm not going to do this as i don't have the energy to say anything what can I say or do? It's just really confusing how things are now.