Hi, my name is Mikecoupe! care home preventing me from visiting my wife.

Mikecoupe

My wife is 80 and is in a care home with Parkinson's Dementia. A new female manage has been appointed. There have been four others come and go over the past two years. This new manager has prevented me from visiting my wife since early February by claiming that I've been seen - To have hit her arms Also to have - Fed her a crushed up tablet. There are simple explanations for these actions but the manager won't listen and won't say who it is that has made these claims. Perhaps it's someone in the care home who doesn't like me or has problem of the love that my wife and I show for each other. To try to overcome this negativity, I've offered not to visit my wife unless a member of staff is also there. Again, no response from the manager. I'm 87, we've been happily married for sixty years and I'm very much missing seeing my wife. I've asked our son, who has an LPA, to help to move her back home or to a different care home. As yet, nothing has happened but I think that he would comply given a nudge. Any suggestions or help would be most appreciated. From Mike.

Kimi87

I'm really sorry to hear of your difficulties.

Your son as her LPA is legally bound to act in her best interests, so he may decide the best thing is for her to stay where she is.

That positive might outweigh the negative of being unable to see you.

Scope have some guidance here which might assist you:

https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/complaining-about-a-residential-care-or-nursing-home?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw7pO_BhAlEiwA4pMQvAZAhfcaHgzXsiJoSeeqJXQuHZDAgB_U1Lfe0ENdA33QK0vrj2v5HxoCtGAQAvD_BwE

Albus_Scope

Hello there @Mikecoupe and welcome to the community.

That sounds like a terribly difficult situation for you both, I'm so sorry.
As Kimi has said, if your son has lasting power of attorney, ultimately the decision is for him to make. It may be worth sitting down with him and having a proper discussion.

Also as Kimi has mentioned, we do have a good section on dealing with care homes that may be of some use to you?

MW123

@Mikecoupe

Mike, I’m so sorry to hear about the heartbreaking situation you're facing. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be separated from your wife after so many years. While your son holds the LPA to make decisions on her behalf, it doesn’t take away your rights as her devoted husband or her fundamental right to family life with her husband of 60 years. Your role as her spouse remains vital, and you still have the right to be involved in her care and well-being.

Recent laws now recognise that care homes must facilitate visits unless there are exceptional reasons not to. It might be helpful for you and your son to arrange a meeting with the care home manager about any concerns regarding your visits. The manager should listen to your explanations about any misunderstandings and provide evidence for any allegations made against you. Any incidents should be logged, and the manager is required to consider your side so you can clarify the situation, and visits can resume as soon as possible.

The care home manager has a duty of care to residents, including your wife, and is responsible for ensuring their right to family life is respected, with visitors being an important part of that.

Have you thought about reaching out to Age UK or Parkinson’s UK? They may be able to offer support, advice, and additional resources to help during this difficult time. Sending you a big virtual hug! xx