HELP PLEASE

JustJem

Hi everyone,

I don’t even know where to start. I’m struggling so much with anxiety and I feel like I’m falling apart. I just need to say everything because it’s been building up and I have nowhere else to let it out.

I’ve been through a lot recently — I’ve moved to a new area, I’ve had to adjust to a completely different environment, and I’m trying to rebuild some sort of stability. I live with autism, PTSD, BPD, anxiety, and depression. I’ve been sectioned before, and while I’ve been working hard to stay stable, everything that’s happening now is making it really hard to cope.

I get Universal Credit with LCWRA, and I also receive PIP. I haven’t been on UC very long, so I’m still learning how it all works. A few weeks ago, I saw something online about deprivation of capital, and it really triggered me. I started worrying that past financial decisions might affect my claim — especially as I’d used some money to pay off debt.

I panicked and went to the Jobcentre straight away. I showed them my bank statements and explained everything honestly. They reassured me that what I did wasn’t classed as deprivation, and that I’d done nothing wrong. But the fear didn’t go away.

Over the past five weeks, I’ve gone into the Jobcentre about two or three times every week. Not because I was trying to cause trouble — but because I was scared. I needed reassurance. I needed someone to just tell me again that it was okay.

At first, staff were polite and understanding. But things changed. Now when I go in:

• I get told my appointments are over halfway through
• I get ignored if I ask to speak to someone senior
• I’ve even been asked to leave the building
• And one time, I was escorted out by security, even though I was calm, respectful, and not raising my voice at all

Someone even told me that it was “more my mental health being affected than my benefits,” which really hurt. It made me feel like I wasn’t being taken seriously. But what they don’t understand is that my mental health is being affected because I’m scared I’ll lose everything.

Now I feel like they just don’t want to help me anymore. Like I’m being seen as a nuisance or a problem — not a vulnerable person who’s asking for help. I’ve never shouted, never been rude. I’ve only ever gone in because I’m scared of something going wrong with my claim.

I’ve now asked for all communication to go through my UC journal, because I don’t feel safe or supported going in anymore. But even then, I’m still terrified.

I’m due to be paid at the end of the month, and I can’t stop thinking:

• What if they stop my money?
• What if they’ve flagged me because I came in too much?
• What if I’ve ruined everything by asking too many questions?

I’ve done everything by the book. I’ve shown them my statements. I’ve been honest. I’ve followed their advice. But the fear won’t go away.

I’m not blaming the Jobcentre staff. I know they deal with a lot. Maybe I did come across as too persistent. But I was just looking for reassurance because this system is scary and overwhelming when you don’t understand it — especially when you’ve been through what I’ve been through.

I just need someone to hear me. I need to know I’m not the only person who’s felt like this. Has anyone ever felt like they were being pushed aside just for needing reassurance? Has anyone had this kind of fear that their money might be stopped even when they’ve done nothing wrong?

If you’ve been through anything like this and you’re okay now — please tell me. I just need to know that I haven’t ruined everything by caring too much and asking for help.

Kiki23

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/137649/help-please

Darling, I have read everything your heart just wrote & know EXACTLY how you must be feeling with your complex health issues as I feel very much the same myself at the moment too. I also struggle with the fear of DWP Stopping my benefits or messing things up when I have to move from long term ESA to UC and I have to move over by September. To be honest I havent been able to face doing it yet simply because im feeling so overwhelmed at the moment a bit like yourself ( I have Tourettes syndrome, CPTSD, Anxiety, chronic pain and am waiting for my Autism and ADHD assessment at the age of 51) Also, not being formally diagnosed with the autism and ADHD yet, means I cant receive the support I desperately need as you need to be formally diagnosed to receive support and medication from specialists so im left feeling in limbo at the moment which is a horrible feeling especially when your really struggling already with your mental health!

I understand the worries you have and not being able to stop the negative frightening thoughts that just dont seem to stop no matter how much we try. Im also struggling to get the right mental health support too which makes things worse for me because all im doing is asking for help but no one seems to know what to do with me and I feel like im just going round in circles looking like a neurotic woman when all I need is someone to reassure me and help me simply because im SCARED!

I assume you yourself feel very misunderstood and unsupported in life too, just like I do despite us only asking for help because we need to feel safe and secure and just want to be understood and reassured. I also think the autism and trauma has a huge part to play in why we get very overwhelmed and feel and think the way we do…

Im really sorry that the job center havent been more supportive and compassionate with you as you seem like such an honest and genuine person and their behaviour towards you has just added to your paranoia and anxiety and added more trauma on top of trauma, but I really do think your gonna be Ok. I think once you get the UC payment and see it for yourself in black and white it may help you feel calmer because right now you are having a fear of the "unknown"

I have to admit being on long term ESA felt a lot more safer for me and having to move to UC has triggered alot of anxiety and fear in me too

Stay strong and im sure we are both going to be ok

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/137649/help-please

I hear you I understand I get the same I've been known to run to cmht and call doctors to the point of being told not to in a polite way I go out of my my mind with terror it's the fear of the unknown its terror blind terror it feels like the end of the world you feel like it's really real and play out situations in your head none of these will happen you submitted everything and all ok I always think it's high lighting me but they are doing millions at the same time it's so triggering I know I will be the same but your doing great really great and as kiki23 said once in black and white hopefully you feel instant peace much love

Hopeless

I understand you. I’ve not long migrated to UC and am terrified I’ve unintentionally done something wrong/will do something wrong and end up in trouble. I worry about spending money and not spending money! I can’t win. I’d have probably done what you’ve done and kept going in to the jobcentre for reassurance but I’m too scared to do that and I don’t get out much. Instead I doom scroll online.

I’m hoping that once I’ve been on UC for a while my anxiety will calm down and hopefully yours will too. I don’t have any solutions but wanted you to know that you’re not alone

Albus_Scope

I see you and I hear you @JustJem the first few months can be terrifying if you don't react well to change, I remember it well. That fear that one wrong move will lead to getting nothing. But there's so many of us that have done it and people only tend to speak up when things go wrong, not when things go well. So please remember that. 😊

It's also worth remembering that the DWP employees speak to many hundreds of people each day and that can become exhausting, so it may seem like they don't care, but they do, it's just difficult to word things sometimes when there's so many seeking help and there's only so many hours in the day.

If you're going in multiple times a week, it could become an issue for them as they do need to help others as well. And if they feel they're just repeating themselves with your questions, it could become very frustrating for all involved.