I’m Scared to Open The Benefits Can Of Worms!

Grumpy1314

In 2017 I legally changed my name by removing my fathers surname and replaced it with my mothers maiden name, alongside changing my middle name to that of my late Grandfather and Great Grandfather.

Fast forward to 2020 onwards and I was floating the boat to the ex wife about changing my first name to that of my Mum’s late father, which was hit with a very hard rebuke of I met you with this name and won’t call you by a new name!

Fast forward to 2023 and my world just imploded with the end of my marriage and it’s fair to say I wasn’t in a good place and the next nine months was brutal to say the least for many reasons. Now while in a mental health setting I finally changed my name legally to what I thought I wanted, I later naively changed it again to the Gaelic spelling which in essence wasn’t a good move as it just caused more stress and hassle every single time I spoke to people over the phone or should I say attempted to as I was always having to spell it out phonetically which just adds to the stress of the load I carry in my head each day.

I’ve slowly come to the realisation that what I’ve been doing is rather than solving problems, I’d actually just been running and hiding from them behind a false identity. It’s something I attribute to my emotionally unstable borderline personality disorder. I have been dishonouring not only myself but my parents, family and my ancestors. I was always saying “Why should I have the first name that was given to me by parents that didn’t want me” or just putting as much distance from my family and past as possible. However in hindsight, what I’ve now learned is I can never outrun the heavy burden I’ve shouldered for 42 years or even though I haven’t seen or spoken to my family in ten years, they are still a huge part of my life and in my heart and mind.

Today I took some semblance of control back by reverting to the name I took in 2017 and just reading it out loud felt right, but it’s also now come with a huge Barnes Wallace size Grand Slam Bomb!!

I now have to tackle the minefield of notifying Universal Credit, ESA and PIP……. I am terrified now of having to tackle a huge stack of forms that could jeopardise not only the fine margins of my benefits, but also the tenancy of my flat, utilities and other bill’s I have to sort out each month.

Last year I notified all three benefits teams over the phone and said as the name had been used before that I’d changed to was on the system it could be done over the phone with only Universal wanting a video call to confirm ID Documents. Now the new or old name has been used on my benefits between 2020 - 2023 and fingers crossed 🤞 they may accept it that way.

Or the worse case scenario is I’ve now got to navigate a million stressful questions with Citizens Advice or the local Law Society helping me to fill the forms out correctly. Now with the welfare reform, I’m slowly coming to the realisation that I may have undone Pandoras Box and this could induce a third breakdown in five years with the chance of me possibly ending up back in a mental health unit, far from home and could undo all the hard work that I’ve put in rebuilding my life since 2023.

It’s just sucks being lonely, living in a world where I’m fragile, my mental & physical health is hugely complex, no next of kin, getting inadequate support from a broken and failed system. I still honestly feel like I did when my then wife decided to chuck my life up in the air like a box of Lego and I still don’t know how to put the pieces back together, when your down there is just something that you just need a massive hug or just want to cry and scream!
I’ve kind of just truly lost who I was, what I stood for, my beliefs, the confidence I had and just my identity. I’ve just completely forgot my whole identity!

some stranger in 2018

even more of a stranger in 2025 - I don’t recognise this man who I see every day in the bathroom mirror.

I still feel like this small scared little boy all those years ago inside my head, every second of the day and through the night 😞

After the last few weeks alongside being backed into a corner where I had to cancel my holiday yesterday, I’m broken! I feel ashamed of who I am, I still can’t make peace with both my mental and physical disabilities. Inside a part of me is still the person who went hiking, attended concerts, did a tandem paraglide in turkey and was a council gardener.

Now I feel worthless and and nothing to look forward to.

Grumpy1314

@Albus_Scope could you delete this post for me please due to having no feedback, thank you.

onebigvoice

I would just like to say that if all your worried about is a name change, I could name loads of people who have changed their names because 'you' believed it did not suit you or, in the back of your mind you always liked the name you wanted to change to.

That said MY NAME IS SUE, how do you do….. as the song goes. OR, and this is also true.

Owen Money the comedian, changed his name because of a bad start and was always owing money to someone, now he make money, No not at the mint, but is wages…

I was at screaming pitch for the last month because:

I moved address.

I needed to register at the new address.

Then there is the insurance for he car.

The licence office had to be informed, even though they already had my new address, they wanted a picture I D, yes you guessed itg, it had the old address, so I sent that back with th new address the council tax bill for the old address and the one for the new address.

NO, can't except that, need a passport picture, the passport does not have an address on it? Yes just send us three months Bank statements.

Bank had although up dated the file address the bank statements still showed the "old address"

Can you see where this is going? You can call your self what you want, a long as your medical files are up dated, benefit payments updated, if working HMRC, on UC, then the SIX benefits should all be up dated at once since the central computer is run by the DWP.

Just let people get on with it, if they don't want to talk to you because of your name change, then watch the advert where the new boy friend of the mum is introduced to the family as Gareth, and she says to the daughter, that's not his real name its just he does not want anyone to know we are getting it on…….

Worry about you and your health and fix you. (My opinion)

Bluebell21

Hi @Grumpy1314 I am sorry no one has not replied to your thread. I have only just seen it, I do not usually miss posts.

Never be ashamed of who you are. Life shapes us, sometimes in a way we would prefer it not too. Be whoever you want to be.

I think a lot of us sometimes look in the mirror and ask ourselves who is that person, looking back at us.

Thank you for sharing your photos.

Sending a virtual hug.

We are always here for you on the forum, even if sometimes it takes a couple of days to reply.

Take care of yourself.

Santosha12

@Grumpy1314 I once changed my name by Deed Poll (after my divorce, back to my maiden name and 'Miss'). Was all a bit of a faff tbh but I'm glad I did.

I'd say take one thing at a time, one day at a time, it can all feel overwhelming otherwise.

Love your photos BTW.

It is hard accepting and adjusting to how our lives change due to health issues, as well, especially, as to what to look forward to. I don't have the answers to that as I'm still a 'work in progress'!!

I was always at concerts, theatre etc. Very unlikely I could go again so I'm often glued to Sky Arts, BBC4 etc and take delight at truly having the best seat in the house, the company of my dogs, no costs attached, no hassle/queues (except the usual of fighting the dogs for my seat 😉).

I look for inspiration where I can get it (for my garden for instance from @michael57 ' posts mine's just green/no flowers) and yours (planting in boots).

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. You don't have to feel alone on here even if there is a bit of delay.

Take good care and be kind to yourself, you're the most important person in your life (or should be imo), you matter.